Random Thoughts

Love Delusions

2012-01-23T19:15:00.004-05:00

Reflecting on the words of David this week:

Psalm 4
Answer me when I call to you,
my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

2 How long will you people turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods
3 Know that the LORD has set apart his faithful servant for himself;
the LORD hears when I call to him.

4 Tremble and do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
5 Offer the sacrifices of the righteous
and trust in the LORD.

6 Many, LORD, are asking, “Who will bring us prosperity?”
Let the light of your face shine on us.
7 Fill my heart with joy
when their grain and new wine abound.

8 In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, LORD,
make me dwell in safety.

Delusions = things that mislead the mind.

Lord, What are the delusions in my life that you are calling me out on? Help me to be aware of them and to replace them with your word.

Just Do the Work.

2012-01-09T14:15:00.001-05:00

I am currently participating in an online study that is on the book of Psalms. Its a slow paced study that tackles one Psalm a week for the entire year. I have often read Psalms but I never really took the time to study it. So far...I love it.

A question was thrown out in the study questions last week that has me thinking a lot.

"What is the biggest obstacle you face in contemplating, engaging in the thought of, and reflection of God's Word? Time? Fear? Doubt of understanding it?"

My answer? All of the above!

I used to often make the excuse that I didn't have time. However, if I really analyze how my time was being spent....I quickly realized how stupid an answer that was.

Perhaps a shift in my priorities needs to take place?! Oh- but that would be too easy!.

I had also used the excuse of not being able to comprehend all of what I am reading. Then I read Deuteronomy 29:29:

The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.

He does not ask me to comprehend all that I read...only what he reveals.

Boy is that a load off my shoulders!

It didn't take to long for me to realize these are all just excuses, and by just making excuses I was being just like some people that get under my skin from time to time.

During the day I am an Administrative Assistant in a Distribution Company. For the most part I really enjoy my job and the people I work with. However, there are always a few nuts in the bunch! There are a few that like to "pass the buck" to some of the others. You know they work harder at getting out of work than they really would if they would just do it and get it over with.

I can be just like them when it comes to studying God's word.

I want a deeper relationship with Him....but I don't want to do the work.

Ouch.

Its funny how it works: the more time I spend in His Word...the more I want to know.

When you just lay aside the excuses and make the time to spend in His Word, its funny how much clearer things begin to be.

He Is With You

2012-01-08T18:52:00.002-05:00

A reminder that He is indeed with us. Even on the days when we aren't sure about.

Hoping you are having a wonderful weekend.

I trust you, Jesus

2012-01-05T18:32:00.000-05:00

I get the news from my dear nephew around 9 a.m. His ex-wife, the mother to his daughter, was found murdered in her apartment. According to the reports she was probably killed sometime around midnight on New Years Day. Strangled by her boyfriend.

My heart sinks to my feet and the palpitations start to come. Panic wants to set in. I stop and I say out loud "I trust you, Jesus." I say it again.

I trust you, Jesus.

My heart rate slows and my mind tries to make sense of what I just heard.

My nephew, nor his daughter, had seen or heard from her in almost six years, even though she still lived in the area. My nephew had gained permanent custody of their daughter (C) after their divorce. Her mother (J), I believe, suffered from a mental illness that caused her to make poor choice after poor choice in her life. Moving her daughter from one place to another, with boyfriend after boyfriend. The last straw was when marks were found on that beautiful 5 year old girl. My nephew, with the help of my brother and sister-in-law, fought (and won) for full custody. That is when J slipped silently out of her daughters life. By then she had already had a few more children.

All these years C never really spoke of her mom. We know she remembers her but not sure how much. Whatever she does remember, she doesn't speak of. She has been flourishing though. She is good at school and she loves it. She is outgoing and has a very big soft spot for all furry four-legged creatures. It appears she is doing well but I know that in the heart of every little girl lies someone who wants to be loved by her father and mother unconditionally.

In a way, it makes me angry that J could go all these years and not bother with her first born daughter. That she would put her owns needs and desires above that of her daughter. Then it makes me thankful beyond all measure that she did not have custody of C- 'cause it could have easily been her.

"I trust you, Jesus."

The words of my nephew play over in my mind....

"C has had to learn to live without a mother in her life, but I know she's always wished she had one. I've always hoped maybe J would change her ways, and maybe try to have a relationship with C, and I think C hoped the same. Now there is no hope for that."

I don't understand how things get to this point. Tonight my nephew has to sit down and tell his daughter what has happened to her mother....and all I can say is:

"I trust you, Jesus"

*May I please ask for your prayers as my nephew navigates this road ahead? That God's love would come alive to both of them....and that we would be able to see God in the midst of this as his plan unfolds. Also for the care of her other children as they have been put into the custody of other family members. Many thanks.

New Habit

2012-01-04T19:07:00.003-05:00

I had no idea that when I read my devotions early this morning, how it was going to impact the rest of my day.

I have to be honest....I am NOT a morning person.

I like to stay nestled in bed until about 7:30 (sometimes a wee bit later). Then its a mad dash for a shower, clothes and out the door by 7:55 so that I can make it to work by 8:30.

But for the last few months I have been working really hard to get up when hubby gets up (6:45 a.m.) so that I can get some alone time in with my main man Jesus. If I don't I find I am easily distracted and before you know its bed time and I have not talked with Him all day. When that happens its no wonder I am grumpy, worried, and just plain lazy.

I started this back in August and I have been doing well with it. And you know what?

Its changing the way I think.

With that being said ...this morning I ended up falling back to sleep after hubby got up and I didnt wake up until 7:25. Immediately I began thinking how terrible I am and how I am not going to get everything in before work this morning. I took my shower, as I walked past my room....I saw my Bible and my devotional just sitting there. I said to myself "Ugh no time...I will have to do it later." I took two steps and something in me said.."Do it now".

I backed up sat down and read the words of Psalm 63, and Psalm 139:7-10. When I read todays reading my heart skipped a beat:

"I want you to learn a new habit. Try saying, "I trust you, Jesus" in response to whatever happens to you. If there is time, think about who I am in all My Power and Glory; ponder also the depth and and breadth of my love for you."

I have struggled, for as long as I can remember, from panic attacks. I am a natural born worry wart. If there is nothing to worry about ...don't worry I will find something. It was as if these words were speaking just to me.

I said a small prayer that no matter what may lay ahead today- that I would say "I trust you, Jesus."

Oh how I needed to be reminded of that because less than an hour later I received some startling news that shook my insides to the core.

(more tomorrow)

And I love Him....

2012-01-02T18:01:00.003-05:00

Its funny how when my one word for this year (Abide) came to my mind, everything since then has just confirmed that that is the word that was meant for me this year.

I slipped out of bed this morning, opened my Jesus Calling devotional and my bible and this is what greeted me:

"Relax in my healing presence. As you spend time with Me, your thoughts tend to jump ahead to todays plans and problems. Bring your mind back to Me for refreshment and renewal. Let the light of My Presence soak into you, as you focus your thoughts on Me. Thus I equip you to face whatever the day brings. This sacrifice of time pleases Me and strengthens you. Do not skimp on our time together. Resist the clamor of tasks waiting to be done. You have chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from you."

Psalm 105:4~ Search for the Lord and for His strength; continually seek Him.

Abide. Remain. Search for the Lord.

My heart swells at the thought that me searching after Him....pleases Him. I go to Him for refreshment...offering nothing. I need His Word in my life for me to breath. And He loves it. When I think about it- its selfish on my part. But He loves it.

In what other relationship on this earth- would that be the case? How is it possible that our relationship with Him can be totally opposite of anything we have ever encountered? Normally we would be accused of being self-centered, too needy. Not with Him.

And I love Him.

The Year of Fear-Less

2011-12-28T18:56:00.003-05:00

Its hard to believe that this year has come and gone so quickly. In less than 4 days 2011 will already be over and gone and 2012 will be here with its promise of a fresh starts and other chances..

Another thing that is hard to believe is that this is only my 15th post this year. UGH! On one hand I feel like a failure, on the other hand I feel like its ok. 2011 was not my year for blogging. It was, however, a great year to read. I did a lot of that and I really enjoyed reading other peoples blogs. :)

Last year, around this time I named my upcoming year. Fear-Less was what I wanted to accomplish this year. As I was driving home from work tonight I began thinking of this last year.

Do I think I achieved what I set out to do this year?

Honestly? My answer would be a big fat NO.

But I did learn something. I learned that I may never stop anticipating and being afraid of the what-if's in this life. That just may be the thorn in my side that I am asked to bear. I did learn, however, that they will not consume me if I am consumed with Christ.

Its ok for me to be afraid at times....because once I pull myself up by my bootstraps I can see that God is right there with me.

I also learned that many of the things I feared the most last year at this time:
never happened.

So I wasted those minutes, hours, days and months for moments I can never get back.

I worried that this may be the last year with both my parents......and guess what?

They are still a blessing in my life.

So this new year approaching is not going to be robbed of any more precious moments. I want to linger in each moment and view it as a gift. I want to savor all the time I have with my family and friends. I want to let go of the things that I have no control of. I want to following God's leading and not be worried of what those around me are thinking. Because bottom line.....its between God and me.

Not me and them.

Last year around this time I wasn't looking forward to a year of unknowns. This year I have a different outlook.....and I am so glad.

My word for 2012 is Abide. Knowing that no matter what may happen I want to keep my eyes fixed on Him.

"If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you." John 15:7

I pray that this New Year is a healthy, happy year for all of you. May God show himself in BIG ways to all of us this year!

Happy Fall Ya'll!

2011-10-02T14:25:00.000-04:00

Even if something is left undone, everyone must take time to sit still and watch the leaves turn. ~Elizabeth Lawrence

I love Fall!

I know…I say that about every season but it is true.

There is something about Fall that makes me giddy with excitement. Before we even hit the last day of summer I am already planning how I am going to decorate my front porch and yard.

This year my dear hubby and I found out about a cute pumpkin farm from some friends. And boy what a find it was! Its hard to believe that only 2 weeks earlier they were completely under the water (because of the flood.)

I was so excited when we got there...I have never seen so many different types of pumpkins and gourds. It was a dream come true. :)

I have a thing for stone buildings with red doors...and look they had one!

Our girls were so excited to get our goodies home so we could decorate (they really are trying to contain their excitement)~

Once we got home...I went to town! These are the final results:

Praying that where ever you are you take some time to sit back and enjoy the changing of the season! Happy Fall!

So Long Summer...

2011-09-26T09:24:00.008-04:00

It is hard to believe that summer is over already. So much has been going on I feel like I missed it. As I look back on it I see that there was so much going on but there was also so many memories made and so many small blessings that normally get taken for granted.

296. Camping trips filled with laughter
297. Seeing new places

298. safe travels to and from
299. a handmade card
300. sore hands from working in the garden
301. playing pinochle
302. blue wildflowers by the roadside
303. growing gourds (all different shapes and sizes!)
304. morning serenades from early bird risers
305. the power of water

306. hot dogs on roller grills
307. picnics with family
308. moonlight peeking behind clouds
309. sunflowers bursting

310. Daddy's who hug
311. rainy days for staying in pj's
312. learning to live like this:
Don't cry because its over....smile because it happened.
313. dragonflies slaying the heat in the yard.
314. roadside fruit stands
315. Sunday drives to no where
316. remember that God is in control:

-in earthquakes
-in hurricanes
-in floods (all of which we encountered within the last month and a half)

317. a husband who reminds me to just breath when I am overwhelmed
318. much needed reminders of Who I Am
319. reminders that this is only temporary
320. dinner with friends
321. helping out parents who are slowing down
322. fresh cut flowers from local farm that hubby brought home just because
323. Committing verses to memory
324. stars that shine so bright and fill the sky
325. embracing the changing of the season

So thankful that I have been doing my best to write down the small things that I am learning to see as blessings. Had I not been writing them down...I would easily forget where all the time has gone. Please join in the gratitude community with Ann @ A Holy Experience...and learn not to take the little things for granted!

Choose Joy....

Not Me! Well maybe.....

2011-09-25T08:28:00.000-04:00

I recently had the opportunity to enroll in a bible study titled So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore. When I first signed up I thought it would be a great opportunity to dig deeper into God's word. However, it never dawned on me that I would ever need to learn about insecurity. In my eyes, I was not insecure. I mean I like meeting new people...I am ok with how God made me...I don't think I have any problems with the way God made me.

Oh how naive I have been.

Joseph Nowinski (author) defines insecurity as this:
"Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt--a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Insecurity is associated with chronic self-conciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainy about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate."

Yep..that is pretty much me in a nutshell lately! There has been some big changes this last year. I have been struggling to find my place and as I read over this....the very reason I am afraid to move forward is because of how insecure I am.

Steven Furtik recently said, " We struggle with insecurity because we compare our 'behind the scences footage' weith everyone elses highlights reel'" After I heard that I realized just how true that is. We think that the person standing next to us has it all put together....but we don't really know what is going on on the inside of that person. We are comparing everything we know about us (good and bad) with what we only see of them from the outside.

We also set up False Positives. Thinking that if I could just fix this....I would be at peace or then everything else would fall into place. Problem is when we do accomplish fixing one part...there is always another "if I could just fix this".

Check out this list and see if any bells go off:

"They are married to the most fabulous man in the world."
Prominent false positive: A great man would make me secure.

"Girl, look at your house! You never have to worry about money"
Prominent false positive: Financial success would make me secure"

"She has got the best personality of anybody I know...everybody likes her"
Prominent false positive: Popularity would make me secure"

"They are so young and in the prime of their life!
Prominent false positive: Recapturing my youth would make me secure.

"They run this whole company. Look at how people jump through hoops for them!"
Promininent false positive: Power would make me secure.

"Look at all the degrees on their wall...they are the smartest person I know."
Prominent false positive: Credentials would make me secure.

"They have nothing to worry about...the have tenure!"
Prominent false positive: Job certainty would make me secure

The list goes on but you get the idea. I challenge you to take a small note pad and start righting down all the thoughts that go through your head during the day. From the time you get up until the time you go to sleep. Many on my list start with such a negative mind toward myself. From clothes not fitting to worrying about things happening to my family and friends. Its amazing how the enemy bombards our hearts and minds with such a negative mindset.

Right now I am learning to turn that negative mindset over to God. Exploring the bible to find out what He says about me. The Bible is truth and that is where we should bank our trust and find our worth.

I am starting with Ephesians 2:10
"We are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the things he planned for us long ago."

How about you? What verses do you carry in your heart to beat down the negative thoughts that pop up in your mind?

Eleven Years Ago Today....

2011-08-05T07:02:00.002-04:00

Eleven years ago today....
* I woke up with butterflys in my tummy anxiously awaiting one of the best days of my life

Eleven years ago today.....
*I was getting ready in a little room in the basement of our church. My mom and my bridesmaids were helping me make sure everything was just right.

Eleven years ago today....
*I took my daddy's hand and he we walked me down the aisle and placed my hand in yours and kissed me as he turned towards his seat.

Eleven years ago today....
*I looked into your eyes and we exchanged our vows in front of God and all of our friends and family. I knew without a doubt that God gave me you, my soulmate, to walk through this life together.

Eleven years ago today.....
*We had the best reception that I have ever been too (ok maybe I am a little biased). We sang and danced into the night with all of our friends and family. They cheered us on as we sang "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf. Oh how we laughed when the DJ said "They don't mean it! They don't mean it" when we got to the part about praying for the end of time......so I can end my time with you. We were always a little crazy...weren't we? I think we still are.

Eleven years ago today....
*I was scared of venturing into the roll of wife. Not knowing what it really meant and if I could really live up to everyone's expectations. Who am I kidding? I still feel that way sometimes....lol.

Through these eleven years loved ones have passed on, little ones have grown up and are having children of their own. We have lost but we have continued to love each other. We have laughed, we have cried and we have gotten the chance to see a lot of places I never thought we would see. Through it all....God is good and God is faithful.

Eleven years later, here and now, you have been my knight in shining armor, you have stood beside me and held me...you have reminded me that God has our back. You have been the kind of husband a little girl dreams about and the kind of husband that a little girls daddy prays about for his daughter. You are no doubt...an answer to prayers.

I thank God everyday for you....I can't wait to see where our next 11 years take us!

Love you always,

A Walk Through The Garden

2011-06-02T19:00:00.016-04:00

This last weekend my dear hubby and I might have almost killed ourselves. Eight scoops of mulch in 90 plus degree weather equals pretty close to dead Julie and Shannon. Oh but now...after the soreness has worked its way out and the weather has cooled just a bit...I see it was so worth it. I thought I would walk you through to see what is done so far.

What a beautiful surprise we had while mulching our butterfly garden:

A family of bluebirds has made its home:

If you turn around as you stand in front of the butterfly garden you will see:

Along with one of my new favorite plants...sea holly! Can you see the blue color starting to come up through the stems? In a week or two the whole thing will be a beautiful periwinkle blue! These are great for cutting and drying!

This would be my veggie garden! I am not sure what I like best...watching it grow or spending time with my daddy tending it! Sugar peas and green beans:

Yellow beets and radishes:

Tomatoes, green peppers and yellow squash:

This might not look like much but give it a few weeks...this is the start of my cutting garden...complete with sunflowers, broomcorn, cockscomb, and a bunch of other stuff!

As if I didn't have enough raised beds...I had hubby put in a double decker for more cut flowers!

The beds around the potting shed:

The last bed across the back of our property:

And finally a place to sit and enjoy:

So, this is why I have not been blogging this last week or so.....I had a date with some garden beds while "He walked with me...and talked with me"

Sorry I couldn't resist......
Next time I will make sure to get the dew on the roses. :)

Camping Out

2011-05-26T11:49:00.002-04:00

An invitation was extended.

I accepted…not knowing where I would land.

Then it hit me- out of the blue. Tucked right in there in Romans Chapter 8.

How did I ever miss these little nuggets before? Could it be I am too wrapped up in me to see He?

:::

I am by default, a worrier and a what-iffer. I wrap myself up in the unknown. I worry about tomorrow and its not even here yet. I doubt his goodness some days and then I feel shame for feeling that way. The year of Fear-less has been molding me….has been good for me. But I am still a work in progress. I suppose that I am not the only one who feels that way. Feeling like you are on an island and you need to walk through the jungle alone. His word tells me I am not alone…He promises to never leave me or forsake me. However, there was one thing I missed…one thing I overlooked. That not only is He with me but He is praying for me. As if, dying on a cross was not enough to prove His love. His love for me did not end with His sacrifice on the cross. It continues today, tomorrow, forever. To realize He loves me enough despite my wretchedness to sit and pray me through each and every day…is overwhelming. So overwhelming that I must sit some more.

:::

Christ Jesus is at the right hand of God and is also praying for us. ~ Romans 8:34

I am camping out in Romans 8:31-39 until at least Sunday (when my 7 days ends). However, I might just stay for an extended visit.

Funny how standing still opens up the heart to actually hear.

Gardening and Soul Tending

2011-05-20T11:01:00.003-04:00

It never ceases to amaze me how gardening mimics our spiritual lives. A seed is planted in the ground, new life sprouts. A gardener tends to the soil watering it and feeding it and getting rid of the weeds. Soon the seedling has grown and matured and the most magnificent flower has burst forth with color. Stretching towards the light of the sun to feed it and give it its life. If the garden is not tended to properly, however, something else happens. The plant will shrivel up and die and weeds will uproot and cover the plant and choke out its life.

The same is true said of our spiritual lives. At one time a seed was planted. We were fed nutrients (the Word of God) to make us stronger. If tended to we mature and are at peace with where we are in life. We blossom and we learn to look and reach for the Son who came to give us life and life to the fullest. Tending the garden of our soul, however, does not just happen during a Sunday morning worship service. Tending to the garden of our souls, has to happen on a daily basis in order for us to bloom into all that God desires for us. Spending time in His Word, praying and fellowshipping with other Christians are very important nutrients that help us all grow together and support each other. Our relationships with God and with other Christians are like the tomato cages of our soul gardens. These relationships surround us and uphold us when the storms of this life hit. If we do not make time to nurture our relationship with God (The Gardener) and with others it makes it a lot harder to weather the storms.

Perhaps this is why I love gardening so much…it bring me back to my center….to The Gardener…to the one who works all things out for my good. Many things I struggle with, but one thing is for sure…He is good and He promises beauty from ashes. The garden reminds of this.

I have played around with changes on my blog for sometime. Nothing quite fit. Then I stumbled upon Franchesca, who is a living, breathing example of how God makes beauty from the messes this life leaves. Her story is amazing…and her work is amazing. Please stop over and check her out…you’ll be glad you did! I gave her the things that tug at my heart and she ran with it…I think it suits me just fine…don’t you?

In closing, I leave you with a devotion out of “Jesus Calling”. I believe it fits right in with where I am right now.

“I have promised to meet all your needs according to my glorious riches. Your deepest, most constant need is for My Peace. I have planted Peace in the garden of your heart, where I live; but there are weeds growing there too: pride, worry, selfishness, unbelief. I am the Gardener, and I am working to rid your heart of those weeds. I do my work in various ways. When you sit quietly with Me, I shine the Light of My Presence directly into your heart. In this Heavenly Light, Peace grows abundantly and weeds shrivel up. When you trust Me in the midst of trouble, Peace flourishes and weeds die away. Thank Me for troublesome situations; the Peace they can produce far outweighs the trials you endure.”
Philippians 4:19; 2 Corinthians 4:17

I'm still here

2011-05-10T18:17:00.011-04:00

I can't believe how long its been since I posted here. The entire month of April has come and gone and I have not been able to gather my thoughts to write. I miss it. The last few months I have wondered if I should just pack my bags and move on out of this blogmosphere. My words in this small space don't move mountains...dont fix problems and they certainly don't mean much except to me. Ah but something holds me here. The friends I have met online mean so much. I would not have had the chance to meet them if not for this bloggy world. So I am keeping this space and will be cleaning up a little. I promise to be a better hostess too. :)

In the meantime here is a few things that have been going on around here. Lets call them a few of my favorite things:

Spring Sunsets:

Blooming bleeding hearts (He sends them to remind me of His love):

Wisteria wandering over my trellis:

Koi pond coming to life:

Lovely lilacs that smell so sweet:

Azaleas that remind me of how He washed me whiter than snow:

Mothers Day dinner with my precious Mother:

Reminders that the clouds may come but His light shines bright:

Let all of creation...sing with me now...

David Days

2011-03-31T11:32:00.003-04:00

Some days I feel like David crying out :

“O LORD, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?” ~ Psalm 13:1-2

It seems as if the last month has been filled with tragedy and sadness and it leaves me feeling so empty, so sad and I try to make sense of it all. How do we as the human race find peace in the midst of uncertain times? How do we as Christians answer those hard questions of how and why when there is an unbelieving world out there waiting to throw stones.

My heart bleeds out earlier this month. A mother watches as seven of her precious children are laid to rest all on the same day. Two are spared …a three year old little girl and one still in utero. Tears stream down my face as I struggle to make sense of it all. Do the words of David fall from this mothers lips too?

“O LORD, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?” ~ Psalm 13:1-2

Within days the earthquake rocks Japan and a tsunami follows. Thousands of people are hurt, lost and killed. The nuclear power plant melting down threatens to steal what is left. How does a nation recover from this? How do they not feel forgotten? Do the dark clouds of depression and oppression ever lift so they can see the light at the end of the tunnel? Do they cry out in the night? Or do they waist away silently?

“O LORD, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?” ~ Psalm 13:1-2

This is the hard eucharisteo that Ann writes about in her book One Thousand Gifts. How do we find beauty in the midst of ashes? How do we find joy when darkness swells all around? How do we talk and teach of a loving God when everything around us is falling apart? I read David’s words in the first two verses of Psalm 13 and I feel as if the words came from the depths of my soul. I read more …how does David resolve this anxiety that swells up within him? He searches for the answers that plague him…he goes right to the one who holds all the answers:

“Turn and answer me, O LORD my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.”~ Psalm 13:3-4

David was not afraid to work it out with God. He was not afraid to ask the hard questions that swallowed him up. Why am I? Perhaps, subconsciously, I feel like I have broader shoulders, that I can handle it more than He. Or maybe I just have a hard time letting go. Maybe I white knuckle my way through most things in this life because I am afraid of what it might cost me in the end. I know I don’t want to do it that way anymore. I know that I am slowly changing and He is so patient. I want to hash it out like David and ask the hard questions. I still may not find all the answers I am looking for… but I know I am coming to a deeper understanding of the one who knit me together. Whatever I give….God is able to handle …so why do I always forget that?

Finally, David does what I am learning to do. The hard eucharisteo:

“But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the LORD
because he is good to me.” ~Psalm 13:5-6

Regardless of the situations that threatened David, he took it to God and then he remembered how faithful God is and was. If nothing else I have been saved from death’s sting. For that alone…He deserves my praise and my gratitude. This is a hard thing for a grieving mother to swallow or a family torn apart from a natural disaster. My prayer is they look for something good in the everyday. The joy of seeing a community come together to help rebuild. The rejoicing of a survivor found after days left alone under the rubble. The outpouring of love and help to hold each other up when one is too weak to take another step. It is in these moments that God shows himself worthy and faithful. We just have to stop and search for Him in the midst of it all.

Which way to go?

2011-01-24T18:49:00.004-05:00

I began this year, by asking God to help me Fear-Less this year. Indeed He has not wasted any time in trying to get me to live outside of my box. My hubby and I began this year by making a promise to God and to each other that this year we would be unafraid. Unafraid in getting to know Him in a more intimate way...unafraid of sharing Him with others...and unafraid of giving everything over to Him.

About four months ago, I did one of the hardest things I have had to do in a long time. After 8 years of being our church's youth leaders, my hubby and I stepped down. We stepped down from something that was familiar, something we had fun doing, and something that I didn't want to let go of. I felt like I lost my identity.

I have felt the nudge for quite sometime, but I was too afraid to give it away. So I clung to it in hopes that I could make it better...that these feelings would pass and a giant doorway would open up and God's voice would tell me "You are right where you need to be". I held on for over a year and there was no giant doorway that opened up and no loud boisterous voice from the heavens that told me I was going in the right direction. The youth in our church had been dwindling down. Sports and drama teams seemed to win out over youth events and fellowship. Parents seemed to want to depend on us to instill certain priorities in their children, but yet, the parents themselves could not make commitments. We struggled....we cried ....and then I knew...we had to step down. We wrestled and prayed over our decision because we knew that in our primarily older congregation no one else would step up and it would fall on the shoulders of our part-time pastor. After much soul searching, we did step down and the pastor stepped up. I am sad to say that the youth attendence still has not increased, despite many prayers.

I am at peace with that decision...I really feel like it was the one that God wanted us to make. However, now we struggle with where we fit in. When we took over the youth we were in our late 20's and early 30's. We were hip, we were cool. Now almost 9 years later we find that there are not many other people in our church our age. Most are over the age of 70 which I love because there is so much to learn from them. But if I am being honest at times its hard because they do not want anything to change. They want things to remain the same as they were 30 years ago and honestly, our church is not growing and they are not reaching out and it saddens me. Everything that comes in is hoarded...and therefore it all becomes stale.

I say all this as a plea for prayer as my hubby and I try to discern where the Lord is leading us next. We want to be obedient to Him and what He wants us to do. We also don't want to make any decisions based on our feelings or emotions.

In the meantime, we wait patiently...we pray fervently and we praise Him in all things.

287. making better choices
288. snow covered fields
289. lazy Sundays
290. accountability
291. the smell of fresh laundry
292. the need of a friend that was met
293. memories captured in a frame
294. a homemade meal
295. a local community coming together after tragedy

Multitude Mondays

2011-01-16T23:21:00.003-05:00

This is my year of being Fear-less. It's funny how he is walking me through some things right now. He is so patient....and I am so grateful. I am gathering words to my thoughts and my experiences but for now...I list my gratitude. He is so good, even when life may not be.

250. early morning snuggles
251. a hand held
252. fresh fallen snow
253. sunrise shades that burst
254. cleaned off cars (so I don't need to rush)
255. safe travels
256. pain managed
257. snow capped trees
258. projects completed
259. right here; right now
260. smiles
261. a great read...that will turn your world upside down.
262. silent moments
263. belly laughs
264. waggy tails
265. hubby grocery shops
266. memorizing verses (and they stick!)
267. soul tending
268. child thanks
269. dishes cleaned
270. shiny sink at days end
271. laundry caught up (no more pile!)
272. baby bunny tracks
273. slow drives to work
274. stopping-readjusting and refocusing
275. emails that inspire
276. stepping up and stepping out
277. choosing faith instead of fear
278. movie nights with the college girls that love to hang at our house.
279. making supper together
280. silly talks
281. girlfriend giggles
282. HOPE
283. prayers lifted up knowing He hears
284. signals to slow down and just breathe
285. community coming together
286. He counts my tears (and yours!)

Unending Gifts

2011-01-10T07:30:00.000-05:00

What better way to start a Monday morning...than to count the blessing accumulated over the weekend.

237. a day to rest the weary bones

238. a weekend to revive a craft room that needed care

239. a worship service that nourished the soul and left me wanting more of Him

240. learning that every little step taken is one that increases faith

241. first snow of the New Year (and actually the winter)

242. a new table made from the dear hubby so that I have room to create.

243. saying "I can" instead of "I can't"

244. game night with all the girls before they head back off to college

245. Mom and Dad who brought in the New Year with the flu...are now up and at 'em again.

246. fresh bird tracks in the snow

247. memorizing that scripture

248. homemade chicken noodle soup

249. answered prayer for friends who were in the hospital

Eat a Live Frog

2011-01-02T22:16:00.007-05:00

There's an old saying that says...

"If the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is eat a live frog, then nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day!"

Truth be told I am a procrastinator and an excuse maker. I am great at making to-do lists to keep me focused on things that I need to get done. That is where many of them stay though...on the list. After the list is made, I begin making a hundred excuses of things that should be done instead. Perhaps I have ADD? Or just a mind that works overtime at keeping me preoccupied with "little foxes" that steal my joy. Either way I am learning (slowly but surely) that I don't need to put off until tomorrow what I can do right now because if I wait long enough...it won't get done tomorrow either.. :)

Its not a resolution because my dear Lord knows just the word resolution makes me want to cringe and run for the hills. But I do want to be intentional about the excuses I make and how to stop and just do the task at hand. I want to eat those live frogs first thing in the morning so I don't have to make an excuse halfway through the day, that I will be too tired to do it when I get home. So, wish me luck on my new "diet"...supposedly frogs taste like chicken... (lol)

One little area that I have been neglecting (not intentionally) is listing those things I am grateful for. I do log them but it has been a while since I have posted them on the blog. That would be my "I'm too busy to blog my blessings but I still have enough time to play Zuma on Facebook" excuses.

I will say though, I in no way think of listing my blessings as a chore.....it is a spirit lifter and a day brightener. So, here is where I get back on track with my Multitude Monday posts:

227. lazy Sunday afternoons

228. morning walks

229. waking to fresh days, fresh starts

230. morning calls to mom and dad to say "I love you"

231. the smell of spring in the beginning of January. Warm days this weekend!

232. water

233. our small church that raised over $1100 to buy water buffalo, flocks of geese ducks and chickens so that a foreign village can learn to sustain themselves.

234. encouragement from friends

235. the chance to make someone else's day brighter

236. that very patient husband of mine

May your days this week be filled with unexpected blessings.

Awakening

2011-01-02T15:42:00.002-05:00

While the start of the New Year is exciting for many people, for me it's just really scary. I spent most of the day Friday contemplating the year that has passed and realizing just how scary the upcoming year could be.

Right now...I know what 2010 has held. Both my parents and hubby's parents are still here with us and healthy. Knowing that my Dad is the last of a family of 7 children left looms over my head like a rain cloud on a day meant for a sunny summer picnic. Although I am ever reminded that none of us know for sure when our time will come. So, while I was a little depressed at the turn of the year..I am not without hope.

I have not made any resolutions for this year...none that are carved in stone. The only thing I want to be intentional about is making it a point to hide His word in my heart. I woke up yesterday, the first day of the New Year and I had turned to Isaiah 61. I was led to verse 3:

" and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor."

On Friday, when I felt distraut about what may lie ahead, I was not trusting in my Creator. I was taking the reigns thinking I could change whatever may happen in the future, by overthinking things in my head. I wanted to start Saturday different and so I did....

I put on my walking shoes and a garment of praise~this is the first song that came on my ipod as I took a walk in the fresh morning air:

Today I am excited to enter my year of learning to Fear-less because I feel my soul awakening!

Endings and Beginnings

2010-12-30T11:22:00.002-05:00

This morning I looked back on the post that I wrote last year at this time. I find it funny how some things never change...or at least don't change too much. Once thing is for certain things may seem like they don't change but time sure does go on. And just like last year...this year seems to have gone by as fast as I can blink my eyes.

Each year, dear Ann, challenges her readers to name the upcoming year. Last year, I jumped right in and decided that this year was to be my year of "Renewal". I feel hesitant to name this upcoming year because I feel like I have fallen short of the mark on last years challenge. For some reason I always tend to look at the "what I didn't do's" instead of the "what I did do's". I look back and I guess I feel that way because I envisioned myself at a better or different place than I am right now. Perhaps that is what God had in mind for me.

This year was not all a waste. Perhaps my definition of "Renewal" took on a slightly different meaning for me over the course of this year. I believe He purged me of some things in order to open my heart up to be renewed...just His way not mine.

I am an analyzer...and I find it hard sometimes to get out of my own head. Fear holds me back from doing a lot of things that it shouldn't. Then I start to feel guilty and I retreat. Fear holds me back from pushing through the doors and breaking barriers that hold me back from making change happen from the inside out.

I am 38 years old and all my life I have dealt with issues of anxiety and fear. I fear so much about the future that I don't know how to live in the present now. I worry about death...whether it be me or my loved ones. I worry about surrendering all to Him and being abandoned by those closest to me. I mean, really as a Christian I shouldn't really worry about that...should I?

I have been here before and I know that the only way to get through it is to push through it. I will and I know I will come out stronger. So here, at the end of 2010...I lay it down. I lay it down so I can empty myself of everything that holds me back. So in 2011 I can fill it with only Him. I know it will be a daily surrender, even surrendering minute by minute at times. 2011 is a new beginning as is each new day. New beginnings require "action" on my part.

So I will give this year and each day in it a new name, an action verb name.

I have chosen Fear-less. Not as something that I am (far from it) but something that I will do. I will Fear-less by trusting more in the one who created me.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you." 1 Peter 5:7

My prayer is that 2011 is one of Hope, Healing and Happiness for all of you!

Hugs,
Julie

Its Beginning to Look alot Like Christmas!

2010-12-06T22:50:00.005-05:00

Its so hard to believe that Christmas is only about 3 weeks away! Time has a way of slipping past me these last few weeks. Getting ready for some craft shows has completely wiped me out and taken most of my time for the last month. God continues to be good, regardless....

So much has happened since I last wrote here. So much has changed, maybe for the good and maybe for the bad. But I continue to count blessings:

::lazy evenings after work is done
::the real meaning of the season
::lights that make everything better

::good friends
::a step back in time

::words that nurture a tired soul
::a card to let us know we are loved
::reconnecting with loved ones
::our Savior coming soon

Blessings,

Julie

Yahweh, a Cross & A Dove

2010-10-20T16:43:00.003-04:00

I run out the door and jump into my car this morning. It always seems I am running behind. Morning comes too quick some days and I find it hard to get out of bed and start the day. I start the day by pushing the “ugh’s” and the “I don’t wanna’s” out of my mind so that I can get my body motivated. Its Wednesday.

Another day. Another dollar.

I feel rushed as usual…I will most certainly be late if I don’t hit the lights through town just right.

I pull out of the driveway and my mind immediately tries to overcome my thoughts with a mental to do list. The panic tries to rush in. I take a deep breath. The change in season, for some reason, always seems to send me back to a few years ago. A time in my life when I did not want to leave the house at all...grocery stores made me hyperventilate if I had to wait in line…and driving…well I won’t even go there. I have dealt with anxiety and panic attacks for most of my life. Up until about 8 years ago…they controlled me. Then I figured out…I could control them. It’s not always easy but I have learned to manage them. So, as my fears and worries tried to creep in on me this morning I did the one thing that I know chases them away. I take a deep breath and I say out loud:

“But David found strength in the Lord…and so do I !” (1 Samuel 30:6b)(my addition)

I grab my Ipod and turn on my current favorite song “Bless the Lord”. I sing out at the top of my lungs and I feel better. Letting the worries out and filling that space with His praises. Before I know it I am pulling off the highway and down the road to the office where I spend my days. I look up as I am singing and I can’t believe whats in front of me.

A reminder of the cross, a reminder that Yahweh died on that cross, and a reminder of the peace it brings to me because of the sacrifice He made. Can you see them?

I stop to take it in and capture a picture. A reminder that I can look at throughout the day to keep the worries at bay. Sure, I was a few minutes late but …it was soo worth it!

“I will worship you, I will Bless your name forever!
I will worship you…Bless the Lord, O my Soul, BLESS THE LORD!”

**My friend Jennifer over at Getting Down with Jesus talks much about finding Yahweh and God reminders in the everyday. She is such an encouragement…so stop over and be blessed. Then go out and find some of your own!

Savor the Autumn

2010-10-19T17:47:00.005-04:00

Evening comes early lately and I feel like my internal clock is beckoning me to slow down and savor every moment of this autumn love. To store it up for those winter months that are cold and chilly. Savor nights by the campfire soaking in the warmth, while inhaling the crisp air around me. Watching the sun set across the field out back and wondering how much more beautiful heaven will be. Perhaps he offers this free preview to keep my eyes on Him. Just a smidge of heaven on earth, right here, right now meeting me in my own back yard.

Its funny how these changes in the seasons can bring about a soul change. A stirring under the surface. The ripples that come from me stepping forward into an abyss that I fully don't understand. The ripples of change surround me and I find myself feeling a little twisted on the inside. Missing the routine and what used to be, I stand still. I want to go back. Knowing in my heart that that is not where He wants me right now. He bids me to wait. He asks me to trust, and so I will savor this Autumn...on the outside and the inside.

Happy Birthday, Dear Hubby

2010-10-15T18:28:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow (Saturday Oct 16th) my miracle man turns 40!

I thank God everyday for you. And I can't wait to see where He takes us in the next 40 years!

I love you! Even when you look like the ocean spray cranberry ninja fruit guy!

Sometimes words......

2010-10-04T19:02:00.008-04:00

don't come easy.....

and that is when God provides

the perfect opportunity

to be still

and reflect on his goodness.....

Seasons of Change

2010-08-15T20:34:00.007-04:00

Its funny how August has slipped in so quickly and so quietly. I cannot believe that summer is coming to an end when I hardly noticed its arrival. The older I get the faster the seasons seem come and go and before we know it our own seasons will come to an end.

:::
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
:::

Seasons are not easy at times. Its hard letting go of the past and waiting for the next season to roll around. One thing that I have learned though, is how important it is to cherish the season your in and look for the good in it all.

Hubby and I are experiencing a change of season is our own life. This time is a season that has lasted for 8 years straight. The Lord is clearly directing us to step back and regroup. For the last 8 years we have led the youth at our church and we have come to know so many teens as our own. We finally feel its time to step back and watch them fly. Its time for someone new to step in and let us step back, search our hearts and look for the Lord's leading on what to do next. We have been so blessed to be a part of of a great group of childrens lives and I know that they have taught me much more than I probably taught them. Kids are funny like that.

In spite of feeling the lead to step back I know I will miss this season, for it has been all too familiar to me for quite sometime. Possibly that is the problem. When I become too familiar with something I tend to stay in my box. So, in order to move forward....I look back and count the blessings that this season has gleened. Life doesn't get any sweeter especially when your list includes everday blessings that the Lord puts in front of us:

206-217

~the privilege of walking beside so many of the young adults in our church and watching them as they find their groove with their Savior

~knowing that they have taught me so much more than I have taught them

~watching as the post college young adults (that were once in our youth group) take on leadership roles such as starting their very own 20-30 age group

~a funky caterpillar that is the wierdest thing I have ever seen.

~church picnics filled with food and fun

~weed free flower beds

~summer rains that quench thirsty plants

~my real living breathing miracle

~friends who send prayers heavenward for my fear filled doctor visits

~fresh cut sunshine in colorful vases

I pray that whatever season you may be in right now, you stop and take a minute to thank God for each one. Cherish them ....because when this season is over....you can't get it back.

If you haven't listed your blessings lately...won't you consider starting? Join the community here.

My Living Breathing Miracle

2010-08-13T11:03:00.000-04:00

A little bit over a week ago(Aug 5th) Shannon (my hubby) and I hit our 10 year mark.

Wow. Ten Years.

I thank God for every one of those seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years that we have spent together. Grant it...they were not always rosy but every one of them were essential in our journey to where and who we are today. May I never take one second of our time together for granted......

::
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

::

Shannon was a miracle baby. He was born without a pulmonary artery and valve. When he was born his parents were told to "take him home and let him die in his mothers arms." His parents flew him to Michigan to meet with specialist. No one locally could even understand what was going on in his little body. After finding out what they were up against they flew back home to try to find out what the next step would be. At the age of 5 months, Shannon was the first person (ever) to have heart surgery at The Hershey Medical Center let alone the first pediatric patient to have heart surgery. A doctor (Dr. Walthausen) took a chance and had a Waterston shunt put in. At age 5, they operated again and placed a pigs valve in his heart to help control the flow of blood to his heart. Then finally at age 13 they decided that pig's valve was not needed so they took it out. Shannon was the first person (ever) to have heart surgery at The Hershey Medical Center let alone the first pediatric patient to have heart surgery. That is amazing in itself. Shannon will turn 40 this year...just imagine if his parents would have just took him home to die??!!

His miracles didn't end there. When he was 6 he fell out of a moving vehicle head first, during his rebellious years he totaled a car and finally at the age of 17 he was hit by a drunk driver head on. He flew through his windshield and into the windshield of the person who hit him. Broke both his knee caps and smashed his larynx. Police said they can't believe he lived. When I look at all he has been through I can't believe he is still alive now.

::
But God can. I truly believe that God gave me this man as a living, walking, breathing miracle to remind me of His never ending love for all of His children. Our ways are not His ways...and for that I am thankful!
::

Thank you Lord for blessing me with a husband who is a daily reminder that you do indeed still work miracles!

Not About Me

2010-08-11T10:49:00.004-04:00

As I told you before, I am a procrastinator. So, much so that it leads to outright disobedience at times. Its funny how deep down I really want to accomplish a whole list of things that need done in a days time. However, when the pedal hits the metal I freak out and don’t even know where to start. Therefore, I don’t start and this is how I fall behind in everything I do.

Take for instance the “reading through the bible in a year” study that I intended to follow through with this year. It started January 1st 2010 and I did great until May. Then I fell off the wagon and got too overwhelmed when I fell behind. This is the second year in a row that I failed epically and I am beginning to think maybe I am just not disciplined enough to tackle that right now in my life. So, I have decided to step back and regroup. Now, I start by taking a minute to pray before I even open the Word. I pray that the Lord allows me to see with my spiritual senses what He is trying to get across to me. Sometimes I stay on the same passage for more than a day. Other times I keep moving on.

Over the last month or so I have been reading (and rereading) A.W. Tozers book titled “The Pursuit of God”. I have come to realize that my problem is very simple indeed. There is too much of me and not enough of Him. With all my heart, I want to be faithful in serving Him in my life. However, I let “me”get in the way. Tozer has a way of saying things that make one think….and think hard.

In the first chapter he talks about Prevenient Grace. Something I never really gave much thought to before. I mean I know it is by grace that we are saved…it’s a gift. But I never really thought about Previenient Grace which is defined “that before man can seek God, God must first have sought man.”

As I look up John 6:44 I am humbled once again. Why do I always end up thinking that I had a hand in this pursuit of God? Yes, it’s my choice to keep pursuing Him, but He is the initiator of that desire that rises up within me. He is the one that started pursuing me and it makes me long to know Him more deeply.

This is one more reminder that my life is no longer about me…..it needs to be all about HIM! Procrastinator or not …he will get through to this thick headed blubbering idiot…one way or the other! I just pray it won’t take me 40 years in the wilderness to get there…….

Blessings,
Julie

The Rock

2010-08-10T18:22:00.005-04:00

Please excuse my absence here the last month or so. I have had a lot on my mind but I find that when I go to type them out...there are just no words. My mind becomes like my facial expressions at times....blank.

The last few weeks I have been sorting out some things, and taking time to step back and "see" where the Lord wants to take me next. I have been feeling like I am on a treadmill....I do a lot of walking I just do not get anywhere. I think I am coming out on the other side of this fog now. Perhaps I just have needed a change of attitude. Perhaps I have just needed a change of perspective. Perhaps I just needed more of Him and less of me. Yes, that is it. Loud and clear.
I struggle with anxiety issues over stupid things. If I would list them all here, one of you would probably suggest I be admitted somewhere for help. They range from a fear of doctors all the way to what-ifing my life away. Most of the time my worries involve me worrying about my family and loved ones. I worry about the day that I will no longer be able to put my arms around them physically. I worry how I will function without my parents when they are gone from earth. I worry about death. Lately, though, my biggest fear is looking back on my life and finding out that I did not actually live. Finding that even though I lived (physically) I did not live for my Jesus. At the end of the road…did I do enough for Him to greet me and say, “Well done…my good and faithful servant”?

So, I have been taking some time, making some big decisions and learning to move forward and trust Him for the outcome.

With all that being said…another thing you may not know is that I am a procrastinator. Not just with household chores but with all aspects of my life. I will wait until the very last minute to move forward with something. This includes gentle nudgings from my Savior. So when he nudges and I don’t follow through…He nudges harder. As I look back on the last month or so I no longer see it as me being a procrastinator…I see it now as me being disobedient. That is one word I do not like. I have never liked it and I probably will never ever like it. Even as a young little girl…I was too afraid of disappointing my parents. To me seeing disappointment in their eyes hurt more than if they would have just paddled my behind. That being said they have always shown me (by example) my Heavenly Fathers love for me. They have always loved me unconditionally and forgiven me when I had gone astray. To know that my Heavenly Father loves me this way (even much more) leaves me speechless and feeling undeserving at times. Let me rephrase that… I am undeserving but His sacrifice would be in vain if I refuse to drag myself up from the muck and the mire and watch the world pass me by. Instead of complaining about a problem I want to be the one searching for a positive solution. I want to be the one who has her feet planted firmly on the Rock.

Psalm 18:1-3
I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,and I am saved from my enemies.

A Random Letter to My Lord

2010-07-26T19:21:00.003-04:00

Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is there anything too hard for Me?-Jeremiah 32:27 (Amplified)

No Lord...there is nothing too hard for you. However, lately I am having trouble letting it all at your feet. It seems my head is filled with doubt and fear and worry and I cannot seem to make sense of anything. I know that I am not living a life worthy of the sacrifice you made for me..help me to see things more clearly.

In less than two weeks, hubby and I will be celebrating 10 years of marriage. We have come so far in our relationship and our walk with you. We have been blessed beyond measure and so now I worry when the other shoe my drop. Don't get me wrong God, we have had our share of hardships like Daddy's quadruple bypass, DH heart condition (since he was born), a miscarriage and watching many loved ones move on to their eternal home. You saw us through all these things and I wonder how we did get through it without falling to apart.

It seems I am entering another season of unknowns and I am having a hard time hearing you. I NEED to hear from you. Help me listen and obey your leading.
I am in the in between. I am not sure where I fit and I need you to show me how to proceed.

Help me to give in and let go.

Cause you are the God of all flesh and there is nothing too hard for you!

Love,
your daughter
Julie

Blessed Beyond Measure

2010-06-13T21:21:00.003-04:00

Its been two weeks since I have had time to sit and list the abundance of blessings in my life. The list is long this week...for this I am thankful. For when I remember all the blessings....my fears and worries dissipate.

Gifts 171-205

*big puffy clouds that dance across a right blue sky
*the serenade of a sweet birds song
*the sound of water that reminds me of how His love washes over me
*happy fur babies that greet me at the door
*time spent with dear hubby
*planting a seed
*watching it grow
*chasing God
*nuggets of truth slipped into my day
*prayers whispered in the dark
*gift of creation-our glimpse of His handiwork
*nieces on their graduation day
*time spent with friends
*a chat with an old neighbor
*getting to know a new neighbor
*dephiniums in bloom
*a job well done
*bluebirds playing
*the smell of a cool spring evening
*sugar peas fresh from the garden
*the name of Jesus (just saying His name makes a bad day better)
*summer rain quenching dry soil
*longs talks late into the night
*stars shimmering
*blue hydrangeas
*the gift of time
*an opportunity
*silly giggles
*baby kitten finding a loving home
*safe travels
*words of life that finally stick in this forgetful mind
*beef kabobs grilled to perfection
*healthy family
*answered prayers

If you haven't listed your blessings lately...won't you consider starting? Join the community here.

I pray that at the end of your day you will be found reflecting on all the good in your life.....

Blessings,

Gypsy's and nudgings

2010-06-10T12:13:00.002-04:00

I left work on Tuesday night the same way I always do…at the same time. However my venture home on this night took a slight turn and it still has me replaying it over and over in my mind.

I left work, caught up in my own head with the days events and worries that seem to cloud my already overly active mind. I made a right at the local Weis Market grocery store and that is when I saw her.

Gypsy girl.

She was walking towards the end of the median with a kitten in her arms and a cardboard sign that I could not read. She was dressed in a long flowing skirt and dreadlocks and looked like she just got back from Woodstock. No bags with her- just a kitten on a leash and a look in her eyes of sadness. She couldn’t have been more than 19. Immediately I wondered how she got here to where she was.

Did she not have a family who loved her and wanted her? Did she not see eye to eye with her family and decided that she could do better on her own? Did she think she had the world by the tail and now it was too late to turn back? Perhaps she fell in love with a boy who stole all her childhood dreams…maybe he used her then left her with nothing. Maybe she never heard of the One who knit her together in her mothers womb…or counts all the hairs on her head.

I was in the midst of traffic so I could not pull off to the side – I had to continue in the line of traffic up the hill. The light turned red and I watched her from my side mirror. A truck driver stopped at the light at the bottom of the hill….must have offered her some money…she ran over than ran back. All the while as I am watching this transpire I feel a gentle nudging that said:

“Go Back”.

My response was “But I have to turn left”

“Go back”

I made the left at the green light, traveled about a mile to my husbands place of business. After discussing what this was he told me to go back if I felt I needed to. Just see what the sign said and maybe give her a fresh bottle of water and a little bit of cash. I went back but I couldn’t find her…anywhere. I turned into the Weis parking lot scanning all the cubbyholes and places that one might use for shelter. I slowly drove around the entire building.

She was gone.

My heart sank. I had failed. Failed to react immediately to a nudging that could not be explained with “mans eyes”. And for the rest of the night I said silent prayers for that girl. That she would come to know the fullness of God’s love and find shelter in her storm of life.

I woke up on Wednesday and she was still on my mind. I searched for her as I drove to work keeping my eyes peeled for her. I am not sure what I was going to say or do if I found her but I searched anyway. Perhaps subconsciously I wanted to right my wrong of not following His prompting from the get go. I still don’t know what it was all about.

I got to work and then I heard the rest of the story…the flip side.

I settled in and got things caught up and then I called my best friend who sits just over the cubicle wall. I know she normally travels the same way home from work as I do so I asked her if she went right or left out of the parking lot that night.

She informed me that she turned left cause she had errands to run but had to turn around and go to Wal-Mart (which is right across the highway from Weis). Then she asked the question..

“Did you see the Gypsy’s?”

I froze.

“You mean there was more than one?”

She went on to tell me that when she pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot she noticed a school bus parked (hidden from view from the highway) stategically against the retaining wall. The bus was painted over to look like something from the 60’s with peace signs everywhere and it was filled with a ton of junk. She said there must have been 15 of them-mostly girls with two older men. All of them had either a dog or a cat with them. No doubt to tug on the heartstrings of animal lovers. The man “in charge” appeared to be a scruffy looking man in his late 50’s. Apparently the girls would go out to panhandle by themselves so not to draw attention to the group of them. My girlfriend said it reminded her of the people that followed the guy down in Waco Texas.

Right there my mouth dropped and my heart sank. Immediately I questioned whether the nudging I felt was from God or was I just being duped. I must admit a little bit of anger rose up in me as I saw this as just one more instance where people would rather beg and steal than to get an honest job and work for a living like the rest of humanity does.

Then I was reminded. BFF told me that even if I would have found the girl that I went back to find, whatever I would have done for her would have been done from a pure heart. A heart that longed to follow the leading of her Lord. Perhaps there was a reason why I didn’t find her. Perhaps it was a test to see if I really would go back. I don’t know.

What I do know is there is still a girl out there (and many more like her) that are thrown into things and places in this life that most of us have never seen or thought about. Deep down I am sure they have the same longings that we all do…to be loved and accepted. Sad part is many don’t know about the One man (the only Holy man) that they can run to.

It’s up to us to show them He’s different .

Would you please join me in prayer for these girls today?

Women of Faith Worship CD

2010-06-09T11:17:00.005-04:00

Little old me had the pleasure of stopping by the Women of Faith blog the other week just as they posted this exciting opportunity!

Normally, I always come by these opportunities a little too late, so I really didn't think I would have the pleasure of being able to receive the cd or give everyone my honest thoughts on it. Last week when I opened the mailbox and saw a package from Women of Faith it didn't even dawn on me what it really was. I thought it was my confirmation packet for the conference that I will be going to in September in Philadelphia. (Oh and can I just say that this is my FIRST WOF conference and I AM SOOO EXCITED!!)

I know...you couldn't tell.

Well imagine my surprise when I opened it up and found the cd that I was sure I would never get! What a great surprise to brighten my day~! So, without further ado...here is my honest opinion on the Women of Faith Worship cd.

There are a total of 10 songs on the Women of Faith Worship cd that range from songs that make you want to get up and dance to songs that make you want to just sit alone and reflect of the goodness of God. Many of these songs I have heard before by other artists but I must say I do like their spin on them. I believe the original artists would be very pleased with the WOF version of the songs.

*Track 1- God of This City- a great song to start the cd with. I love this song because it reminds me that no matter what -there is NO ONE like our God. It starts out soft and builds with anticipation...by the end of the song you feel like you just want to stand with hands raised in praise and thank Him. .

*Track 2- I Am Free- This song is a great song to chase away those "frumpy feelings" that you just can't shake when you get out of bed. You know the ones that the deceiver tries to fill your head with..."I don't want to go to work" or " I can't do this". Listen to this song and it will chase those thoughts right out of your head and remind you that you are FREE indeed. In fact, I was on my way to work this morning shouting along to all the cars around me. I am sure some of those drivers thought I must be free on a day pass from the local loony bin.

*Track 3- Just Wanna Say- Honestly the first time I listened to this song I didn't really like it. I am not one who likes music that has a lot of horns (trumpets etc) and this song has that. However, after listening to it a few times it actually has grown on me. It actually is quite catchy and I find myself having the words "Said you'd never leave me, Said You won't forsake me" playing over and over in my mind. A great song to sing to remind yourself of the fact that He will never leave you or forsake you.

*Track 4- Lead Me To The Cross- This song speaks for itself with the following lyrics that make me want to sit a reflect on His goodness:
Lead me to the cross
Where your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord, I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Oh lead me, lead me to the cross

Enough said.

*Track 5- You Are God Alone- This is another song that leaves me very much reflecting on His goodness and love. This song starts out very soft and reverent and builds to the point of wanting to stand in awe by the end of the song.

*Track 6- Indescribable- I like the way this song feels very light and easy. Another one that makes you want to sing along and announce "You are amazing God!"

*Track 7- Glorious- This is probably the only song on the cd that I just can't seem to get into. Once again, this song has a lot of horns playing which just isn't my thing. But, if you like that type of jazzy music...you will probably love it.

*Track 8- Healer- If you have ever had the opportunity to hear the Kari Jobe version of this song you may think that this one misses the mark. Its hard to blow me away after hearing Kari's version but the WOF Worship team came really close to the mark here. A good version and a great reminder of how he is our Great Physician.

*Track 9- Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing- This is one hymn that I never tire of hearing. This is a great addition to this worship album.

*Track 10- Amazed- it is hard for me to pick an absolute favorite on this album but if I had to pick just one...it would be this track. I love how calming this song is to the soul. This song is a beautiful reminder of how in awe we should be at how much He loves us.

So, overall I love this album and would recommend it to anyone looking for some great songs to jam to whether in the car or at home cleaning the house. You might want to watch though, when singing along in the car...they just might revoke your day pass!

I do want to say in closing that I was asked to give my honest opinion of the cd whether it be good or bad...and that is what you see here.

May the rest of your week filled with the presence of Him!

I Am- Me

2010-06-08T10:10:00.003-04:00

This morning I hopped on over the Melissa Taylor's blog. Yesterday she posted some run on sentences that she had her daughter Hayley fill out. Today she filled them out for herself. At the end she challenged readers to do the same thing. Phew- I am glad I did this...but I also glad I am done..LOL.

I am... a wife.

I wonder... why there is so much suffering in the world.

I hear....myself constantly fretting about the worse case scenarios.

I see...the beauty of Gods creation all around me.

I want.....inner peace that nothing can shake.

I am ....a worry wart.

I pretend....to be alright when I am really scared on the inside.

I feel....blessed.

I touch...the file cabinet in my cubicle and get shocked all the time!

I worry...about everything and anything.

I cry....over everything. Happy or sad.

I am....a mother to 2 dogs and 1 cat.

I understand...that my life is not my own and bottom line- its out of my hands and into His. This is still a struggle at times for me.

I say...."Zip It" all the time.

I dream.....of being able to live in the moment and not in the "what-if's"

I try...and may fail miserably...but then I will try again.

I hope...that my life is not a disappointment to those around me.

I am...still growing in the Lord and I know He loves me despite all my insecurities.

I am.....Julie

Multitude Mondays

2010-05-23T19:27:00.010-04:00

151. weekend getaways

152. natures shelter

153. movie night with my favorite man

154. mountain pies

155. campfires

156. a game of dutch blitz

157. a new addition to the garden

158. safe travels

159. home sweet home

160. a game of wiffle ball

161. the muscles that hurt the day after the wiffle ball game

162. new life

163. Cracker Barrel lunches

164. fresh berries

165. rain kissed roses

166. a reminder written in stone

167. fresh cut sunshine

168. Yahweh reminders

169. unexpected visitors on a lazy Sunday night

170. 2 Timothy 1:7

**this list is a continuation of the Gratitude Gifts list that Ann has going on over at Holy Experience. To learn more about it please click on the 1000 Gifts link on the right hand side of my page.

I'll Wait (Gideon Part 2)

2010-05-17T22:17:00.005-04:00

(If you haven't read my first post on Gideon...check it out here.)

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have read over Judges Chapter 6 over the last two weeks. Way too many to mention. I suppose what has me hooked is how much of Gideon I see in me.

Gideon had a constant need for reassurance. Whatever he was being asked to do..He wanted to be sure he wasn't hearing things. It is easy to see how He was filled with doubt and insecurity.

After God tells him to go and save Israel (in the strength that is his) Gideon immediately begins to question and ask for signs. After God reassures him that He will be with Gideon through it all Gideon raised a question, that I have said many times before....

Gideon said, "If you are serious about this, do me a favor: Give me a sign to back up what you are telling me. Don't leave until I come back and bring you my gift."

I am sure that God would prefer that our faith would be unshakeable but here we see that he does not mind reassuring us we need it. Surprising enough...God doesn't look down at Gideon for asking for a sign or for questioning what the Lord is asking him to do...

He simply said "I'll wait til you get back."

Gideon prepared his offering to the Lord and then followed the Lords orders to save the Israelites. You would think that after an experience like this Gideons faith would be unshakeable, unmovable and out of this world. However, when you read further into Gideon's story we see that Gideon still required verification of whose voice he was listening to. As Gideon was called to go into battle he again asks the Lord for confirmation:

"If this is right, if you are using me to save Israel as you've said, then look: I'm placing a piece of wool on the threshing floor. If dew is on the fleece only, but the floor is dry, then I know that you will use me to save Israel, as you said."

Amazingly enough, when he got up in the morning he rung out the fleece that was wet with dew and it was enough to fill an entire bowl with water! Then Gideon did exactly what I have done time and time again....

"Ok, please don't be impatient with me but let me say one more thing. I want to try something else to confirm that you are speaking to me. This time let the fleece be completely dry while the dew drenches the ground."

Guess what? God made it happen.

As I look at this I wonder if Gideon was that insecure and unsure or did he really not want to do what he was called to do. Either way I see myself there, acting and reacting just like him.

It burdens me to know that I make the same excuses and I doubt the same things and the bottom line is.....at times I am being plain old rebellious.

However, God does not change he is as patient with us today as he was with Gideon. He lets us raise our questions and our doubts and you know what he does?

He waits until we get back.

Perhaps we should prepare our offering....

Unending gifts

2010-05-17T21:15:00.008-04:00

Have you heard about multitude Mondays? No? Check out what its all about here and soon you will be addicted to finding joy in the everyday......

134. plants producing

135. weekend plans with family

136. camping with a great group of friends

137. date night with the hubby

138. verses that are shared between friends

139. a treasured furry friend that serenades me while I work

140. laughter is indeed the best medicine

141. prayers that are answered one way or another

142. giggling girls that brighten my Thursday evenings

143. a story that inspires

144. a hot cup of green jasmine tea (with honey of course!)

145. enjoying a quiet moment

146. flowers with sweet scents

147. Puppy love

148. a job to go to

149. the privilege of praying for a friend in need

150. sweet tea

Gideon

2010-05-14T19:03:00.003-04:00

We meet under an oak tree one afternoon and I watch as he threshes wheat in winepress. He is hoping to redeem some of what is lost, to gather all He can before the Midianites come and take what little they had. I watch as an angel appears and greets Gideon in a tender voice.

“The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”

It seems that the Lord already knew something about Gideon that he didn’t recognize in himself.

Oh touché!

Gideons response is one that is familiar with me as of late. Question after question. The expression on his face was one of confusion and one that said, “Who? Me?”

“But Sir….if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all His wonders that our fathers told us about? Why has he abandoned us?”

From that moment, I was hooked. I needed to know more about the one who dared to ask the questions that I only dream of asking out loud, for fear of sounding like a hypocrite. He wasn’t afraid to ask the questions or seek for signs.

Long story short ….It turns out God calls Gideon to lead the Israelites against their oppressors. Gideon in return attempts to come up with every excuse in the book. (Hmmm..why does that sound familiar?)

"I am the weakest”

“I am the smallest”

“I am not sure your are really speaking to me.” (Oh yeah this is me!)

“I need a sign.” (Me too!)

He made all the excuses but in the end He still did what He was led to do.
How? Look at Judges 6:14-16

Seriously…I think I just uncovered my new favorite verse. Ok to my list of verses.
Read them slowly…let them sink in.

“Go in the strength that you have .” Then after He makes one of many excuses God follows it all up with “I will be with you.”

For the first time I see that God was not asking Him to give more than He had, He just wanted him to take what He already had and trust that God had the rest.

How many times a day do I push myself to do or be something that is out of my reach? Probably too many to count.

And its tiring.

So I think I will stop and work with what I have …..and leave the rest to Him.

More on Gideon to come!

Taking time to be grateful

2010-05-12T08:42:00.003-04:00

111. a new flower bed completed
112. the feel of the wind on my face
113. the smell of the morning air
114. my mothers love
115. my fathers broken ankle (that could have been so much worse)
116. yearning for more of Him
117. a fresh load of laundry
118. an empty hamper
119. a smile shared
120. sweet sunsets
121. a blanket of rain that waters the soil
122. His truth that speaks louder than my fears or tears
123. the smell of lilacs and lavendar
124. snuggly dogs
125. lazy Sunday afternoons
126. chocolate/vanilla twist cones with sprinkles
127. an afternoon drive with no destination in mind
128. campfires on cool nights
129. bright red cardinals on purple wisteria
130. a hubby who loves me just as I am
131. rainbows after rain to remind us of a promise
132. long projects at work that are finally completed
133. birds that still sing their sweet song in the midst of the rain ( I could learn a lot from them!)

Mustard Seeds

2010-04-20T16:06:00.005-04:00

Currently I am working through a devotional book titled "Birds in My Mustard Tree" by Susanne Scheppmann. I have had the book for quite sometime, tucked away on the bookshelf, waiting for me to finish all the other books and projects on my list. What initially intrigued me about this book was a challenge to grow my faith. Many days I feel I am no where near where I should be in my desire to become more like him and to be able to come into a deeper, closer relationship with Him. Other things seem to always get in the way. I wonder why I have a hard time trusting and giving things over to God. I wonder why I can't give all my fears, anxieties and worries over to him and leave them at His feet. I have recently come to the conclusion that I have an awful disease that prevents me from placing all my trust in Him.

Its called forgetfulness.

I forget all that He has already done for me. I forget all that He has walked me through. I forget that so far He hasn't disappointed. I forget that anything that life throws at me...I will be able to handle because of His promises to me to never leave me or forsake me.

Hebrews 11 gives a beautiful account of what I want my faith to resemble. Abraham's faith was incredible. Why? Well He didn't get there in one giant leap that is for sure. He took it step by step and God increased his faith just like he desires me to do.

One step at a time.

One step...

First, Abraham was called to go to a place where he had no idea he was going. he just went. Then, he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country...lived in tents and all the while he looked forward to the city with foundations , whose architect and builder is God.

and then another step....

Now imagine you and your spouse are way past your prime with no children of your own but God enabled you to increase your family while increasing your faith. This was Abraham and Sarah's story.

and yet another....

Then Abraham answering God's call to sacrifice His beloved Son, trusting that at just the right moment God would provide the perfect sacrifice instead. God didn't disappoint and a ram was provided for the sacrifice.

He didn't take a giant leap to the top of the staircase of faith. He took it step by step by step. Trusting in God, who had walked him through the trials in his past, all the while increasing Abrahams faith that was once as small as a tiny mustard seed. Each trial in his life provided food and water to that mustard seed to make it grow. God grew that faith one incident at a time...one step at a time.

Perhaps the reason I feel my mustard seed of faith is not growing is because I worry too much about what is to be instead of feeding my faith on what has been and how he carried me through. Maybe I should stop look around and see the gift in each day and thank God that I have him to shoulder my burdens. For where would I be right now....

Without hope...
Without my faith as small as it may be....
Without God's perfect sacrifice....
Without Him....???

I cannot even imagine and I thank God I don't have to. All I need is that one tiny seed and he promises to make it grow when I feed it with his word.

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." ~Matthew 17:20

Gratitude, Gratitude and more Gratitude

2010-04-19T20:09:00.004-04:00

Well, its been a while again. Especially when it comes to my gratitude list. I get to wrapped up in doing and going and moving that I forget to stop and take in everything around me. Then when I do...I seem to forget to jot it down so that I can reflect on it at a later date. So, without further ado....

99. the sun peaking through the windows welcoming me to another day

100. Daddy's hands playing in the garden

101. answered prayers

102. a walk in the garden that reveals new growth

103. colors of purple that surround me....lilacs...red bud trees.....grape hyacinths

104. a flower bed free from weeds

105. time spent together making our house a home

106. realizing that you can do anything with 15 minutes (thanks FlyLady!)and not feel so overwhelmed!

107. Soccer games on Sunday afternoons

108. an unexpected price reduction when you check out at the register ($20 wreath for $2.50)

109. date night with the hubby

110. a song that lifts your heart and hands in praise

May you take some time to jot down some of the gifts in your life. Pointing out the small things really does make a difference.

<3

Prayers for Amy Beth

2010-04-12T20:15:00.004-04:00

Almost two years ago I had the pleasure of running across a blog titled Ministry So Fabulous. The author of that blog (Amy Beth) had me from the get-go lets say. I love the way she writes...it feels as if I am sitting on a chair across from her.

I learned of her spunky bloggy personality as well as gut wrenching honest posts that many people would not have the guts to write.

I do not have the honor of knowing her in "real-life" however she is someone that I have grown to admire. She is a very giving person who would probably give someone the clothes off her back if they needed it. I do know that she is 25 years old and has done awesome things for young girls and their self-esteem.

I am sorry to say that Amy Beth is going through quite a trial right now...one that no young woman at the age of 25 should have to go through. If you would like to know more please hop over and hear more of her story here. One thing I do admire about her is she is so honest. She has her comments closed because right now she just doesn't want to hear all the advice and niceties and really who can blame her....

Tomorrow those who know her personally and those (like me) who know her only through bloggy land will take some time throughout the day to pray for Amy Beth...won't you join too?

Thank you....

New Again- Spring

2010-03-17T10:03:00.008-04:00

The wind and rain pounded against the house all week last week. The windows were rattling, the roof shingles were flying and the rains came down. What was left of the snow had dissipated and the ground was soaked. For a week straight the sky had been gray and dreary casting shadows on my mood and my thoughts.

Then came Monday.

Then came spring.

The clouds blew over, the sky opened up and the sun shined brighter than I've seen in a long long time. The over abundance of water that was laying in the yard slowly receded as the earth took in every last drop. What has been dead and stunted has shown new life, new promise.

My Jesus gave that to me. New life...new promise. Each day with my Savior, comes with it, the gift of a fresh start....new life. It feels like spring....even in my heart. The storms of sin may beat against us but not for long.

White as snow

2010-03-10T11:03:00.001-05:00

The snow storm we had a few weeks back painted a beautiful picture as I looked out from inside my house. Blankets upon blankets of fresh snow covered my yard and neighborhood and before I knew it we had snow up to my butt. (Probably everyone elses knees but my butt.) Really I didn't mind it because it gave this gal a much needed reprieve from the normal every day work day. No one was forced to go in to the office so I burned a sick day and snuggled in and caught up on some much needed cleaning and landry.

I must say, that I absolutley love the change in seasons where I live. Old Man Winter may not be my favorite guy, but he does have his moments. Whenever that beautiful white fluffy stuff falls from the heavens a certain hymn runs through my mind:

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

The winter snow that fell this day reminds me so much of the grace that falls freely for those who believe. It coats the ground with a fresh new layer and brightens the gray that tries to dim our days.

After the snow falls and is laying there for a few days,however,I begin to forget. I begin to overlook the beauty and I begin to see the dirt that forms from passing cars and salt trucks. And before you know it, its turned black.

I tend to compare my faith journey to that right now. I know I am saved and that his sacrifice has washed me white as snow. However, it doesn't take long for me to feel dirty and black. If I don't take the time each day to sit with Him I begin to focus so much more on what I am not rather than what I am with his love and grace.

When I fellowship with Him, it is then that scrape off those ugly layers of dirt that try to weigh me down and darken my days. Without Him I would have no hope and no light. Without him...I would be lost.

Sweet friends, may your day be spent embraced in the love and grace of our Heavenly Father.

Guilty as Charged

2010-03-03T15:41:00.002-05:00

I woke up early to dive into His Word this morning. And the words I read pierced my heart:

The LORD said to Moses, "How long will these people (Julie) treat me with contempt? How long will they (Julie) refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them? -Numbers 14:11

I began to think on all the Lord had brought the Israelites through and yet they still refused to listen to him. I am not so different when I search the depths of my heart and soul. For He has brought me through many a bondage and trial and yet- I forget so easily. I still try to go my own way...to fix the problems of the world instead of laying them at His feet.

I am guilty.

Guilty of the fact that although I know I am saved by the blood of the Lamb I still try to pave my own way despite His leading. Guilty that even though I am not worthy of the grace that he has showered on me-the human in me acts at times that I am owed something more or something better. Guilty that I want to know him more, but I put everything else before Him.

I am guilty. Guilty of presumption.

Nevertheless, in their presumption they went up toward the high hill country, though neither Moses nor the ark of the LORD's covenant moved from the camp. Then the Amalekites and Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down and attacked them and beat them down all the way to Hormah. -Numbers 14:44-45

Even after they defied His instruction they still expected the blessing. Ouch.

In order for me to let go of the things that keep me from Him I must lay them down at His feet. I must get them out in the open...it is only then I will be able to surrender my all to Him and let Him do His work in me.

So Lord,

I lay it all at your feet today. Take my:

selfish ambitions
judgmental heart
my fears of the future
my fears of what other people may think of me
my seemingly endless need for more

Take it all, Lord. I trust you as you continue to work in me.

Armed and ready to go

2010-03-02T08:58:00.006-05:00

The battle begins in the early morning hours. Before my physical body wakes to consciousness, the war is waging in my mind. As I wake, I am hit with thoughts and fears that threaten to pull me down.

"Ugh- morning already? I wish I could just stay home"

"I am so useless and lazy. Look at all the things I didn't get done yesterday"

"What if there is something really wrong with me?"

"Why bother trying lose this extra weight? I end up falling off the wagon anyway"

Its time. The lines have been drawn and I must stand firm. I have a choice. I can feed my fears and anxieties or I can let them go out of my mind as fast as they came in and replace them with Words of Life.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not unto your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you." 1 Peter 5:7.

I named this year the year of renewal. I have challenged myself to renew my thinking and my mind. Honestly.....its been harder than I thought. The more I try the harder it seems to be some days. I am pushing through because I am tired of holding onto the side of the pool...afraid to let go.

As you may have noticed (or not-lol) January and February were so dry for me (thus my lack of posts in bloggy land). I was soaking myself in His Word but I still felt dry...nothing clicked.

Then this morning the battle began. I stood firm and gave praise to God for the gift of a fresh new day. The verses I have been meditating on came flowing through to my defense. Today my joy will not be hindered by my fears. I pushed through- the clouds lifted and I heard a chorus of birds serenading me as I got out of bed. I smile because its so clear He was reminding me of those precious verses that water the soil of this womans soul.

Mark 10:29-31
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Lead Me to the Deep End, Lord

2010-03-01T18:37:00.003-05:00

Fourth Grade. Two words that describe a time in my life that still sends shivers up my spine.

Fourth Grade- the grade that introduced me to my biggest fear in elementary school. Moving into this grade gave me great anxiety. Anxiety that could not be tamed with taking a deep breath and my parents prayers for me. The summer leading up to this grade was not a good one...anticipation is the worst. Just when I thought my nerves were going to do me in...the start of the school year came and with it a class that everyone in my class was forced to take.

Swimming class. Ugh.

It wasn't exactly the idea of swimming that scared me. It wasn't the water itself. I loved the shallow end. I could stand and do all the things that I was asked to do and learn. It was the thought of them making me go into the deep end of the pool that did me in. I feared what was underneath. When it came time for us to jump in the deep end and tread water I stood in line behind everyone else with my heart racing and my knees shaking. When it was my turn I broke into sobs and began to hypervenilate. Oh the humiliation....

This went on for quite a few weeks until the teacher, who was tired of my fears, decided to just throw me in the deep end as I screamed bloody murder. That was all it took...every night before this class I wouldn't sleep and by the time it was time to get up for school...I would make myself sick. My parents met with the teacher (who was very unsympathetic to my fears) and from then on the teacher made me walk laps around the pool the entire class for the rest of that semester.

I can look back on this now and laugh- for other things have come and gone in my life that far outweigh what that experience has taught me. Good news is that following summer my parents found a wonderful lady who taught me how to swim who took her time and helped me move past my fears.

Some things, however, do not change. I still prefer the shallow end.

Mark 4:2-6
He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: "Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.

Perhaps I like the shallow end because it is comfortable...its what I know. If I move to the deep end...I don't know what is under that water. What if I drown? What if I am taken out of my comfort zone and forced to tread water while He does His Work in me? What if I have to let go?

Perhaps its because when I venture to the deep end- I know I have to let go of the worries and troubles that weigh me down. Or else I will drown under the weight of them.

Mark 4:18-19
.Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful

Lord, I am tired of staying in the shallow water....take me deeper...make me fruitful. I trust you to be my life's preserver.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

2010-02-23T09:24:00.004-05:00

Today you celebrate the gift of 81 years. Thirty-seven of which I had the honor of being your daughter. You have taught me so many things that I know I will never be able to put them all into words but I have listed just a few.

You have never given up on me, even when I strayed from home. You opened your arms wide and welcomed me home when I needed to come back. You have prayed me through many sad and hard times and have held my hand through them all.

You have taught me that no matter how old I get or how long I study I will always be able to learn something from God’s Voice of Truth. I love how you love to study God’s word and how we can sit and talk about it. You have shown me that no matter what you are going through if we lean on God and his strength we can make it through anything.

You have taught me the value in laughter. By never taking ourselves too seriously, we can lighten our load and the load of others.

I have watched you as you watch your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nieces and nephews grow up. You have seen the good and the bad in them and have never given up praying for each and every one of them. You want only the best for all of them but know that they have to make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes. But you also know that anything is possible with God and so you never give up on any of them.

You have also taught me how beautiful marriage can be. You and mom have shown me how wonderful it is and can be to be tied to your true love for life. You have always treated mom with the utmost respect and love and you both have been a shining example of what it means to have a soul mate to walk through life with. Shannon and I thank you for that.

The Lord has truly blessed me beyond measure when he gave me parents like you and mother. He had to have known that no one else would be up for such a task. You have taught me that the most important things in this life have no price tag. The value of family and friends far surpasses anything else in this world. You have taught me never to compromise my faith in order to fit in or to get ahead. You have been a shining example of my Heavenly Fathers love and compassion for his children and for that I am and always will be forever grateful.

One last thing, I know that you have taught me. No matter how long we have on this earth…life is too short and it goes by too fast that a day should never go by without telling those around us that we love them. I love you and that is one thing that will never change.

So, as we celebrate your 81 years, please know that I am the one who received the best gift of all so many years ago.

Happy Birthday to the best daddy in the world…..

With Love always,

your little girl

My year in review (so far)

2010-01-05T18:08:00.007-05:00

I apologize in advance for the Randomness of this post, however, that is the name of the blog. :)

Renew.

That is the word I chose to name the year of 2010. A year to allow God to work in me and renew my mind, my thoughts, my actions and my motives.

With this new name for my year came some other things that I would really like to accomplish before December 31, 2010.

For instance:

*get organized

*dwindle our debt down

*strive to be a better wife, youth leader, aunt and daughter.

*make 2 new recipes a month

*sponsor a child in need

As far as getting organized I was off to a flying start. Before New Years Eve was here I cleaned and organized the kitchen cupboards and pantry. (I likey.. :)) I felt like I accomplished something! But then I looked at the other closets and storage areas in the house and soon began to feel overwhelmed. Laundry never being completely done (can someone tell me how 2 people have so much laundry?) Soon negative thoughts began to creep in and say things like "you'll never get this or that done" and "blah, blah blah". In order to get my mind on something else I took a load of laundry down to the basement and right there in front of me in big words...it was all spelled out for me....."Renewing Freshness"

He certainly knows when I need a reminder and a smile!

As far as the debt thing goes...well that can be overwhelming too...especially in todays economy but I know all things will work out.

In regards to being a better wife, youth leader,aunt and daughter this too is a work in progress. I have a nephew who had been in some trouble in the past. We thought he was doing so much better only to find out he just got better at hiding what he was doing. Not the news I wanted to hear no 5 days into this new year. My sweet Jake is just one of many children that struggle when a family is torn apart. My heart breaks as I watch him make choices that will haunt him the rest of his life. He is only 14 and I have lost many tears, and sleepless nights praying for him and trying to make him turn around. My sister no longer knows what to do and his father is in denial. He and I were so close until last year...he stole some things from our house. I forgave him but emotionally I had to cut some strings. Now, with this news I am out of tears and feeling quite numb. The whole thing makes me feel like a horrible person because I cannot change him. I cannot make him see how much God loves him and wants the best for him. It makes me question my role as a youth leader. How can I lead other children to the Lord if I can't lead my family? Someone once told me that I may not be the one who leads him to the Lord...and that I can't fix him.....maybe not....but God can. I am praying for that all the time. In the meantime we all hold each other close and love each other as best we can.

Next on my list was learning 2 new recipes a month. This is all thanks to the movie Julie & Julia. What is it about watching a movie that makes people think (mainly me) that I am capable of doing such a task? Sunday I was all gung-ho on making homemade chicken turnovers. I prepared the chicken filling and then it was time to make the rurnover part. EEK! Good but what a mess in the kitchen. Hubby agrees refrigerated crescent rolls would be much easier and less mess. Maybe not as good but oh the sacrifices we make!

Next, I am really excited about sponsoring a Compassion child. This is something I have been wanting to do for quite some time and I am working on doing so this month. I cannot wait to start corresponding with them and as soon as I get the details I will introduce him/her to bloggy land.

One last thing that I am doing is reading throught the bible this year. Primarily because I need and want the discipline to spend time each day with my Savior so that He can "Renew ' me each and everyday. What a difference it makes and I am learning some new things that I have overlooked before.

Well, there you have it. My year, so far, in a nutshell. Some good, some bad, some high notes, some low notes. Without the bad we never appreciate the good....without the low notes we never relish in the high notes. Looking forward to the rest of this year and watching Him make all things new again...me included. Maybe...just maybe...by the year end I will release freshness when I move (just like my Bounce dryer sheets!)

Blessings,

Looking back and looking ahead

2009-12-29T16:40:00.008-05:00

Is it just me or has 2009 came and gone in the blink of an eye? For some reason its hard to believe that soon we will be moving into another year.

So much to look back on and reflect on. Some happy some sad...either way it now transitions into what was with the hope of what will be.

I look back on this year and consider myself blessed. I have smiled, laughed, cried and spurted tears of joy. I have held onto old friends and made some new. I have learned much even though I wish I would have learned some more. I have let go of some things and held onto others. I have wrestled with fears of the unknown but also in the end I have learned to give things over to God.

When I was growing up it would have been hard for me to imagine that I would have the opportunity to have an online journal of sorts. A place where I could go and pound out my feelings, my fears , my joys and my wishes. I would have thought you were crazy if you would have told me that I would have the opportunity to meet some really amazing and supportive people. People who let you vent and then offer their two cents and words of encouragement to help you work out what you are working through. When you think about it its amazing. God can even use the internet to bring people together and help them on this journey we call life.

I feel honored to be able to visit their blogs and see the world through their eyes. To be able to look at things from a fresh new perspective but most of all to make me think and grow. To be able to pray for them when they are going through troubled times and to know that if I asked them..they would do the same for me. God is good.

Normally when the New Year approaches, I make a few resolutions that I know in the end I will not have the will power to complete. The one thing I really wish I would have stuck to was reading the Bible through this year. I did great until about March and then time and other things got in the way. Not something I am proud of at all. I am happy that I have the opportunity to try again in 2010 and look forward to sticking with it and letting God show me some amazing things as I travel through His Word. Prayers would be much appreciated!

As 2010 approaches Ann suggests naming the year. After much pondering I have decided that 2010 will be "The Year of Renewal" for me. Renewing my mind with His Word and soaking as much of Him in as I can so that it changes me from the inside out. I want this next year to be less of me and more of Him. Honestly, I can't wait to get started!

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Hard to Believe

2009-12-28T23:15:00.004-05:00

I must say that this Christmas was one of the best Christmas's I remember having as an adult. This year we toned everything down to try and focus on the things that really matter. To try and focus on the one true gift in our lives. I did so much better this year...less worry...less stress and to be honest...I am a little disappointed that the celebration is over. Hubby and I made most of our gifts this year and it seemed to be a hit. Now the rest of our family thinks that should be the case from now on.....something homeade instead of stressing about what to buy and how much to spend. It really was a wonderful peaceful Christmas....

Its funny how things start going back to what the world considers normal. Christmas is nothing more than happy memories tucked inside my heart and mind right now. Monday meant back to work and back to reality after a nice long weekend filled with friends and family and lots of fun.
No more Merry Christmas's in passing...no more smiles and holiday hugs. All these seemed to have been replaced with those scurrying around scarfing up the after Christmas sales or exchanging gifts that don't fit or things they will never use. Everyone seems to fall right back into the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Going from one thing to the next..then the next...then the next. Many people are tearing down the seasons decorations and moving on to the next big thing.

I don't want it to end. I don't want the feeling of joy and peace that envelope me at Christmas to end or go away. The good news is it doesn't have to. I can still enjoy the Gift that keeps on giving. He is one thing that won't be boxed up and put away until next year. In fact, I want to unwrap Him again and again...each and every day. Everyday for the rest of this year and everyday of the new year.

Sometimes its hard to believe that God loves me enough to have sent the Ultimate Gift. One that never becomes outdated or broken. Its new everyday...and that is a beautiful thing!

"For God so loved the World that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

A shoulder to lean on...

2009-12-07T18:00:00.004-05:00

I read this little tidbit from Patsy Clairmont today:

"I can imagine Elizabeth, soon-to-be mom of John the baptist, drawing Mary, soon-to-be mother of Jesus, onto her aging shoulder. Two women, the old and the young, embracing in mutual identification. Two women seeking solace in each others company. Two women honorably connecting to one another. Sisters of divine circumstance shouldering the future of humanity."

I cannot imagine the fear and the uncertainty that they faced alone. But God was so good to them by giving them each other to help each other through a scary and uncertain time. God was good then.....and He still is. He still places people in our paths to help us through rough patches.

Thank you, Lord.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

2009-12-01T10:07:00.003-05:00

Well let me correct myself and say....

"I love this time of year until I am down to the wire and running out of gift ideas and then I just freak out!"

However, this year is different. We are making a change. I refuse to let the commercialization of Christmas get to me. This year its not about gifts...its about "The Gift". Purposely making time to reflect on the real reason why we celebrate this holiday. And for the first time in a long time...I couldn't be any more excited.

Simplify is my new favorite word, but more than that I love the peace that envelopes me when I say or hear that word. Simplify. Dear hubby and I are making most of our gifts this year....giving up crowded stores and snippy shoppers for a quiet night at home working in the wood shop or painting in the craft room. The receivers are getting more than a hand painted sign or a keepsake box they are being prayed for. With a stroke of the ole' paintbrush a prayer of thanksgiving for them is being lifted. Thanking God for their presence in our life. Asking God to bless them and their family and friends. Asking God to use them in mighty ways.

I pray that this is the gift that keeps giving throughout the year...not just at Christmas. He is "The Gift" that keeps on giving and how can anyone top that? You can't! I am just so glad it didn't take me until Christmas to remember that this year... :)

May you find peace in the simple everyday things this Christmas season!

Blessings,

Thanksgiving

2009-11-23T17:51:00.004-05:00

There is much to be thankful for although this time of year it seems I don't like to be thankful.

Since a Thanksgiving Day six years ago.....I tend to overlook what I am thankful for and like to wallow in what was lost.

I am embarrassed at how UN-Christianlike that sounds. At how ungrateful it sounds but for the last few Thanksgivings its just how I have felt. It is just like my body knows and remembers and I find myself in a hole somehow. One that I don't like being in. So this time...I am fighting it. Pushing forward...knowing in my heart of hearts the He had and does have my best interests at heart. And this week I will focus on my blessings which are many....

.....that the child we lost has a front row seat on the lap of their heavenly Father.

.....for the friends and family who help me through still difficult times knowing when I just need the silence.

.....for the joy that comes after the rain

......for a hubby who is ever so patient with me and loves me despite my many faults and inadequacies.

......for a job that on occasion really drives me crazy.

.....for quiet time spent soaking in His presence.

......for unexpected laughter that drives me to happy tears.

......for phone calls from mom & dad to make sure I know that I am loved.

May your blessings be many this Thanksgiving week~and may God show himself to you in mighty mighty ways this week.

Gifts overflow

2009-10-21T15:43:00.002-04:00

71. the sound of laughter

72. the sun after a season of rain

73. fall decorations

74. the whisper of the wind

75. unexpected emails

76. a cup of hot tea

77. a fire to warm the body, heart and soul

78. curling up with a good book

79. a morning call to Mom

80. a day to just explore

81. warm apple dumplings on a chilly afternoon

82. the tapping of the rain of the roof

83. natures lullaby

84. a memory of good times past

85. dancing to the song in my heart (while no one is watching!)

86. a deer grazing

87. cinnamon candles

88. His words that make me want to KNOW more

89. His love that makes me want to BE more

Not so Mrs. Nice Gal....

2009-10-20T10:42:00.005-04:00

Did you ever think you knew someone and then all of a sudden, as you look deeper, you find out that that someone is not as nice as you thought they were? This week that was me..... in the world of Sarai (AKA Sarah).

In my mind of children's parables and bible stories I have always thought of Sarah as a wonderful woman used by God to help fulfill God's story by giving birth to Isaac. God fulfilling a promise He made to Sarah and Abraham. I am not sure why my brain did not remember the rest of the story (as Paul Harvey would say). Imagine my surprise when I found out some other things that were going on here....

It all started with a promise in Genesis 15:

² But Abram said, "O Sovereign LORD, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit ^c]">[c] my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?" ³ And Abram said, "You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir."

⁴ Then the word of the LORD came to him: "This man will not be your heir, but a son coming from your own body will be your heir." ⁵ He took him outside and said, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."

⁶ Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.

We quickly see that as time rolls on...impatience sets in.....and Sarah starts taking matters in her own hands. Forgetting the promise that was given~she tried to fix it herself. I am sure she had the best of intentions at the time~right? Genesis 16:

¹ Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian maidservant named Hagar; ² so she said to Abram, "The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her."
Abram agreed to what Sarai said. ³ So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian maidservant Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. ⁴ He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.

I am sure that Abraham had the best of intentions too cause he probably just wanted to please his wife (Ahem- yeah ok)...moving on.... So Sarah takes matters into her own hands and here is where it happens- just like the Jefferson Starship song- the storms start brewing in her eyes.

This is why Sarah should have been careful about what she asked for- cause low and behold - SHE GOT IT! Then she found out she didn't want it-but it was too late to turn back:

When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress. ⁵ Then Sarai said to Abram, "You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my servant in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the LORD judge between you and me."

Now we see her true colors shining through. Does she look inward and see what she's done?...no...instead she looks outward and blames everybody else. She treated Hagar like an outcast, causing her to flee for her safety. Sarah doesn't seem to be such a wonderful woman destined to fulfill God's promise for her and Abraham now...does she?

Perhaps this bothers me so, because I can look at her and see me in the reflection. How many times do I stand on the promises of my Savior, only to try to make things happen on my own. It is me, at times, failing to make things happen and then I blame everyone around me and make them help me "fix it". And yes, it is me, who runs to the phone before humbling myself at His throne- and patiently waiting for His promises to be fulfilled in my life.

This story is not without hope though. I see a promise in it that shines brighter than my pride.

Like Sarah, we do not have to be perfect for God to love us and use us for His purpose. So, if he can use a woman like her...there just may be hope for me yet!

All I have to do is:

I Want To Be Just Like Her....

2009-10-15T09:51:00.004-04:00

When I look at her life before children...its like looking in a mirror.

She had much love in her life. Her husband loved her so much, I don't think it mattered to him whether they had children or not. He loved her regardless. It reminds me of my dear husband and how much he loves me, regardless of our barrenness.

However, with joy, comes sorrow. Yes, she was loved but she was also grieved by what she did not have. During certain seasons in my life, I feel the same way. This time of year is hard for me. Six years ago at this time, hubby and I were expecting. Unfortunately, we did not have a happy ending. We still remain barren. Mostly because of fear. Fear of "what if" it happens again. We are hesitant to step back onto the roller coaster of emotions that we have experienced in the past. We have grown, though, in ways that may not have been possible if we have not traveled down this path.

I believe that Hannah knew all about that. I believe she experienced the full spectrum of emotions that I have been through and still go through at times. We read in 1 Samuel how she cried out to God in her anguish. So much so, that at times, she couldn't even make full words or sentences come out of her mouth. She never took her eyes of God. I envy her.

In the midst of her sorrow she vowed to God, that if he would bless her with a child, she would give that child back to Him. To make a long story short, she did and without hesitation. Because of her faithfulness she was blessed with much more. Looking at her story, its hard to imagine praying for something so hard and then in the end having to lose it all over again. In hindsight, that is what we did, though. We ended up giving him or her back to the one who created them. I find comfort in that now~ after all these years. We did not at the time freely do that- like Hannah did. That is where our story differs.

Hannah was so many things that I desire to be. I keep telling myself to take it one day at a time- I am still a work in progress. Hannah had so many beautiful characteristics- no wonder the Lord was gracious to her....

She was a woman of her word...(trustworthy)

She was faithful......(she never stopped communing with her Savior)

She was nurturing....(after she gave Samuel over to God and left him with Eli she contained to pray for her son and to visit him once a year)

She was sensitive...(her husbands other wife taunted her when she was barren-driving her to tears many times-she always went to the Lord with her grief and her tears though)

She was loving......(she loved her family with all her heart and soul and never stopped praying and caring for them-even when they were out of her sight)

I look at her story and I want to be like her. I want to run to my Savior first and not wallow in my pain and grief. I want to nurture those around me and show them how good God really is. I want to allow myself to be sensitive so that I can help someone else who may going through a rough time. I want Him to use me like he used Hannah- for His glory. I want others to see Him in me, like I see Him in her.

Help me, Lord. To be just like her.......

Abigail- Peacemaker or Push-over?

2009-10-12T16:43:00.006-04:00

Abigail didn't live an easy life. Chances were she married for money and wealth and that got her a whole lot of nowhere.

1 Samuel 25:3 tells us that her husband, Nabal, was surly and mean in his dealings. I am sure that didn't stop with his "business dealings". He probably wasn't the easiest person to live with. She probably put up with alot from the man whose name means "Fool".

But it never stopped her from protecting her own. It didn't change who she was deep down inside. In fact, it made her stronger.

When we first meet Abigail, she shows up as no more than Nabal's wife. It doesn't take long to see she really is so much more.

While David was in the desert, he and his men had protected Nabal and his sheep by making a wall around Nabal and his property. Come sheep-shearing time all David wanted was some food and water for him and his men.

But that Nabal, was a fool. Without a second to think, he got right up on his high-horse and asked why he should give up what he had for only God knows who.

Nabal answered David's servants, "Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. 11 Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?" 1 Samuel 25:10-11

You can only imagine how that sat with David when he got word of Nabal's response. He immediately began heading in Nabal's direction to take the wind right out of Nabal's and his mens sails.

Fearing the wrath of Nabal's actions, one of the servants ran to Abigail to intervene. Without a moment of hesitation she was on her way to meet David and his men to make peace. She knew her husbands attitude had risked all his holdings and placed her in a difficutl position- yet her dependence did not did not lay in her husband but with God.

Abigail lost no time. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, "Go on ahead; I'll follow you." But she did not tell her husband Nabal. 1 Samuel 25:18-19

As soon as she reached David she fell to her knees, her face to the ground and begged.....

She fell at his feet and said: "My lord, let the blame be on me alone. Please let your servant speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. 25 May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name is Fool, and folly goes with him. But as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my master sent. 1 Samuel 25:24-25

She understood that David was doing God's work, and she supported that. David was amazed at Abigail's faith and praised her for her quick actions. Her words reminded David of the bigger picture.

Please forgive your servant's offense, for the LORD will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my master, because he fights the LORD's battles. Let no wrongdoing be found in you as long as you live. 1 Samuel 25:28

David turned aside his wrath because of Abigail's response. But while she was making peace, Nabal was throwing a party. When she returned, he was drunk, so she waited til the next morning to inform him of what she had done. He went ballistic, threw a fit and ended up dying, probably from a heart attack or a stroke.

Once David heard of Nabal's death he sent for Abigail and asked her to become his wife. Here we see her move from a fools wife to a king's bride.

In Abigail, we see how intelligent and how faithful she was. She did not let a difficult relationship get in the way of her walk with the Lord. And she didn't let it change who she was. We see how she let God bring peace and tranquility to her situation. And through her story we can also see that once we've passed through the troubles, God gives us a better life that we ever expected.

Who are the Nabal's in your life and do you react like Abigail when confronted?

Summers last hoo-rah....

2009-10-03T09:10:00.006-04:00

This morning I took a moment to relish in summers last hoo-rah....please walk through the garden with me....

67. dew drops and daisies....

68. one last picking.......

69. things that look complicated...but still are so beautiful....

70. hope of what is to come...

71. the unexpected.....
May your weekend be filled with unexpected blessings.......

Still counting my blessings

2009-10-02T18:25:00.007-04:00

I know its been a while...please forgive me. With the changing of the season comes more things to occupy my time it seems. Youth group kicks off again...and I feel like I am in a whirl wind of chaos. A good kind of chaos, though. Even so, I am still counting all those many blessings around me...

58. deer who quietly cross my path on my way to work

59. the crispness in the air that seems to breath new life into me

60. Paths He makes straight for me....61. His beautiful seasonal decorations.....

62. His light shining bright in my darkness...
63. Fresh peach pie...

64. a retreat with the Father of my heart and soul.....

65. the smiles on the faces of the children that I help lead

66. for the gift of time

Lord, thank you for these gifts, may I never ever take a single one for granted. This is the cry of my heart. In your name, Amen!

Out of My Hands

2009-09-14T15:08:00.003-04:00

There is a parable of a rich young man who comes to Jesus asking what he must do to get eternal life.

Jesus' answer was simple and to the point. "Obey my commandments".

I snicker at this mans response..."Well which ones?"

My response to the rich young man would probably have been a little more sarcastic than Jesus' response.... I would've said something like..."Try ALL OF THEM, Buddy!"

But Jesus was calm, cool and collected and listed them out for Him. Of course, the rich young man said that He already upholds all those commandments so, why does he still lack?

Jesus then goes on to explain that if he wants to be perfect he should go and sell all his possessions and give them to the poor and then he should go and follow him. When the young man heard this he lowered his head and walked away. His valuables were too "valuable" to him.

His disciples were astonished at this and then kept asking him "Well then who can be saved? And what will we be left with?"

And Jesus in his infinite wisdom says the most beautiful words I have ever heard...

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible!"

Beautiful words that I needed to hear at just the right time...at just the right moment.

Lately I have been lacking. Worried and consumed with thoughts that I am not where I should be in my walk with my Savior. I have been trying to do it on my own and not letting God lead. Trying in my own strength and not giving it over to Him and allowing Him to strengthen me. He lead me to this passage and it was here that I realized that no matter how much I try I will never be worthy of all that he offers me. Much like this young man- nothing I ever do will be enough. Nothing I can ever do or be can change what He wants for me. He has already done it all.

And now when I am still I hear Him whisper so quietly to my soul...

"Take it out of your hands and place it into mine....."

And I say "Thank you, Jesus!"

Seasons

2009-09-07T22:03:00.003-04:00

There is a crispness in the air lately.

And it stirs me.

The end of one season and the beginning of another. A dry, hot season being replaced by the cool night air -natures refreshment.

I have been dry lately. Too many things happening -too many questions that I can't find the answers to. Too much of me and not enough focusing on Him. I find it hard sometimes to find the good in all the bad going on around me.

In the last month I have watched people around me go through seasons of change in their life. A co-worker who fought liver cancer with all he had for the last year was cleared of all active cancer cells in his liver only to have the rest of his body shut down and Him to be taken home last week.

A dear woman who was my husbands neighbor when he was growing up has been diagnosed with leukemia and told that she has maybe two months to live. This is two years after she had lost the oldest of her three daughters two years ago to breast cancer. This woman one of the most courageous people I have known and she is never without a smile on her face or a nice word to say to those around her.

Seasons.

Not only in nature but in life.

Physical life. Spiritual life.

Even in the sadness, I catch His refreshment.

We spent Sunday afternoon with the beautiful woman I mentioned above and her family. It may perhaps be the last picnic she will be able to spend with her family and friends. There were no tears- just happy recollections of memories passed. She was always a woman with many talents. She loved to paint, as did her daughter that passed away. She has not picked up a paintbrush since she lost that daughter and a project that they were working on together remains unfinished. She tells me that the spark is gone since her loss. She looks at me and simply says..."When I get to Heaven we will paint together again." To see someone who has known great loss and is in the midst of pain and sickness- she still looks forward to what is to come. To be reunited with those who have gone before her and wait patiently to help guide her into her eternal home with Jesus.

I want to be able to be that kind of person. To place my hope in what is to come and not what is going on around me.

I turned to Ecclesiates the other night when doing my evening devotions. Once again, God knew I must have needed a push. Here the author (Solomon?) resounds with the message that life is not a puzzle to be solved. It reminds us to view life as God's good gift to us, rather than to bog down in the analysis of our life and circumstances. God wants us to enjoy life and to find purpose and meaning to it. But the only way he can accomplish His purpose is when we allow Him to fill the emptiness of our searching hearts with himself.

My prayer is that he does just that for me...fill me in this season until my cup is overflowing.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

More Gratitude Gifts

2009-08-11T15:59:00.008-04:00

46. lunchtime laughter with a cherished friend.
47. forgiving hearts
48. a day of absolutely nothing, yet filled with everything.
49. the aged hands of my earthly father who loves to help me garden
50. the love of a man that God set aside just for me
51. the gift of choice
52. a heart that loves to make others smile
53. mornings spent in devotion
54. the gift of prayer
55. learning to move past insecurities that try to hold me back
56. for a bench to rest
57. for a song in my heart

**this list is a continuation of the Gratitude Gifts list that Ann has going on over at Holy Experience. To learn more about it please click on the 1000 Gifts link on the right hand side of my page.

Do you think He's trying to tell me something?

2009-08-10T18:10:00.005-04:00

Lately, I have been wrestling with some things. I have been having a hard time giving things over to God.

Why? I don't know...He above anyone can certainly handle the issues I struggle with better than I can.

Other times I think I should be farther along than where I am at in my faith journey. I want to know more, I want to do more and then ....I procrastinate.

Then I struggle to hear God's voice in the midst of my chaos and I wonder is it Him? Or is it my head making something else out of it?

Well, a few months back I had taken on Proverbs 3:5-6 as my "scripture for my season":

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Whenever I let my worries get the best of me...I say it to myself to help me get my thinking back on track. So as I was driving home last Thursday...I was saying this to myself and as I said it I looked up and there it was....

a period.

And just as clear as day I heard "Why are you putting a question mark where I put a period?"

A Wolf in Sheeps Clothing

2009-08-05T20:18:00.007-04:00

Isn't it funny how certain things look so good from a distance but when your up close you realize that there is really a bad thing lurking behind a seemingly innocent facade?

Well meet the wolf....
Or ......
"Satan in feathers" as my dear hubby calls him.

This little bugger (well actully he is not so little...) has been trying to dine in our pond the last few days. And I am sad to say that he has gotten a few of our beautiful koi. Some that we have had over 8 years.

You see he is beautiful...but he comes to kill and destroy.

AND

He is pretty smart...hanging out on a neighbors fence to see if we are around......

Then when we least expect it....he comes in for the kill.

However....now he can't figure out what the heck we did to his smorgasboard. Between you and me...we covered it. Now lets see him try to get them!

This guy is a beautiful creature however, he wreaks havoc here at the homestead. He causes panic and confusion...in the fish....and in hubby. Hubby tends to our finned children like his life depends on it. He nurses them back to health when they are sick and heals their wounds when they are hurt.

This reminds me so much of my faith journey. Things look real good at the time.

You know what I mean....

"Oh, I really want to watch that show.....I will do my devotions a little later". A little later comes and goes and guess what? I am too tired and end up falling asleep.

"Just this once....it won't hurt to do that. It seems innocent"

Later the panic, the fear, the desperation creeps in. Wondering why you can't handle the everyday. Next thing you know everything that once seemed beautiful has wreaked havoc in your heart and soul.

Wondering....how do you protect the innocence that used to be there? How to protect that which God has given you?

Simple....

You cover yourself in prayer...you cover yourself in His Word and cover yourself in God's love. And just like my hubby tends to his finned children like his life depends on it...God tends to us like His Life depended on it.

oh..thats right..... it did!

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

and the list grows on....

2009-07-31T09:16:00.006-04:00

38. words that revive a dry parched soul.

39. a night shared with young teenage girls who teach me more than I teach them.

40. rain that revives a thirsty garden.

41. meeting friends who are looking for more of Him and who encourage me on my journey.

42. a new life born.

43. reconnecting with old friends who have lost touch.

44. fears that subside

45. peace that resides

**this list is a continuation of the Gratitude Gifts list that Ann has going on over at Holy Experience. To learn more about it please click on the 1000 Gifts link on the right hand side of my page.

Strongholds

2009-07-29T18:39:00.003-04:00

In the past, when I have thought of the word stronghold, I thought of it as something that holds me back from moving on. Like fear of failure, fear of death, fear of anything holding you back from accomplishing God's will in your life. And according to 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 it can be these things that hold us back.

But ...could there be another definition? One that doesn't make me hide in shame or give up when I feel like I am not worthy of His love?

The dictionary.com 's definition of stronghold is as follows:

A fortified place or a fortress.
A place of survival or refuge

Gee, that word doesn't seem so scary any more. God is these things to me:

A fortified place or a fortress.
A place of survival or refuge

How amazing is that? Pretty darn....I guess sometimes you have to research something that holds you back until it doesn't seem so scary anymore. 'Cause sometimes I am too busy in my own mind instead of getting busy in His Word.

****updated photo of seedlings before transplanting (just for Lyla-lol)

Sweet Sundays

2009-07-19T20:21:00.010-04:00

#32- Blue skies in July

#33- Breakthroughs

#34-Natures color wheel

#35- sweet silence to reflect on all our blessings

#36-Contentment

#37-attentiveness to all that surrounds

A Perfect Way to Start the Day

2009-07-17T08:41:00.004-04:00

I woke up surrounded in love this morning. The love of two dogs and a cat. Not to mention a hubby that had already rolled out of bed due to lack of room. When I opened my eyes I had a black lab on one side of me and a yellow lab on the other side staring at me with tails waggin'. The cat, well, he of course was curled up by my head purring like crazy in my ear. After saying good mornings, I turned over and reached for my Bible and opened the pages.....

"That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day" 2Timothy 1:12

I must have read over these words many times before, however, they really jumped out at me this morning. What have I entrusted to him for today? What have I been doing each morning? Honestly, I have not been entrusting him with my days. I have been trying to fix, change and handle everything. Now I know why I have been struggling.

So today, a new day. A new way to begin my days from now on. With a little help from my four legged furry children of course........

Lord, today I give you everything. Whatever may come, whatever may not come its okay because you are in control and I am not. Take my worries and hold on to them for me...I trust you with them. Thank you for this great reminder today. Help me hold onto these words all through my days.

#31- Perfect ways to start days

The Master Gardener

2009-07-10T10:26:00.007-04:00

Dirt stirred around.

A seed sown.

Covered with soil.

Water to bring life.

The wait begins.

Hopeful anticipation of what is to come, what it will be.

I check them in the morning and then again in the evening. Searching for a stirring, a breakthrough. I wait..not so patiently.

But He is....patient. This is what He does....Patiently watching me...feeding me...waiting for a stirring.

My dirt is stirred. My fears, anxieties and trials are all brought to the potting bench.

A seed is sown. Kind words from a friend sharing a verse to reflect upon.

Covered with soil. Prayers are lifted up and troubles are handed over.

Water brings life. His word, water for my dry soul.

And He watches over me patiently. Waiting for my response to His call. Waiting for me to break through and reach for Him and feel the warmth of His Son.

I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Psalm 143:6

Details

2009-07-07T18:20:00.011-04:00

Details. Wow! When you stop and really look at things in your ordinary everyday life you realize that there are so many tiny little details that you just don't take notice to on a daily basis.

I was walking around the yard this evening and I noticed. I noticed how detail oriented God really is. Sure, I know he cares about the little things as much as He cares about the big things but He really went above and beyond in pointing things out to me that I may normally overlook in the hurriednss of my day.

Note to self: This is one of the those times He is reminding you to slow down. To stop and notice the details.

Well, I have decided to take you on a tour and join me in some details. Nothing profound just a reminder....

My purple butterfly bush always looks so beautiful when its blooming. The blooms look like they have been strategically placed in a spiral pattern up the stem. And just how did God get that orange dot perfectly placed in the center of each tiny flower?

My yellow butterfly bush which is right next to the purple one makes me smile when I look at it. It is just now starting to bloom. This one looks like yellow pom poms.

My obedient plant. (that is really the name of it). I bought it as a reminder to be obedient to His calling in my life. It looks so delicate but since I have planted it I have found out that this plant can be quite invasive in some growing zones. Just one more reminder to me that I have to tame my humaness and rely more on Him.

Our sitting area by the koi pond. My favorite place to just sit and listen to everything all around me. The sound of the water can put me to sleep!

My little kids-lol. These are our Koi and yes, I have them all named. They are all so different and have so many bright colors. They even have different personalities. They love to be hand fed and love to be petted. Once again, a reminder that we are all different shapes and colors and personalities but God made us all. We also all long to be loved.

So this evening I am thanking Him for the details of my life. He knows every one of them by heart. He reminds me that with Him anything is possible.

Gratitude gift #30

Just Because....

2009-07-01T12:11:00.002-04:00

When I was a little girl I remember being so full of questions and my parents having to try and answer those questions to the best of their ability. They were always so patient with me...they still are. Sometimes the answers were very well thought out and explained and at other times it was a simple "Just because, honey".

The older I get the more I realize that more and more of my why questions are answered with "just because". Little by little I am realizing that not everything makes sense in my very very small perspective of things. To some questions I may get real tangible answers but other questions may not be explainable to my human mind. However, the "just because" works to put peace in my heart.

Why has this happened?

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8)

He whispers to me "just because" so that I give my fears and anxieties over to Him. He tells me that it is not always going to make sense.

But HE does. HE makes perfect sense....and right now, that's all I need to know!

"We live by faith...not by sight!" (2 Corinthians 5:7)

Why?

2009-06-24T21:29:00.002-04:00

The big questions in life still stifle me.

They hold me back from completely trusting in the One I cannot see.

I know He is there to carry us through, but why has this happened? What did we do?

There is pain all around us. Children dying of cancer, senseless shootings and more sadness and despair than I remember ever seeing. What is becoming of the world around me? And why doesn't He just make it all go away?

I believe that this the biggest obstacle I have in my journey into a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father. How can He watch while His loved ones perish?

But as I strive to chase after Him harder, to get to know Him better I am amazed at what I find. I find glimpses of His work all around. His perfect will in the midst of chaos. And I am brought to my knees.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3

The Truth

2009-06-20T13:38:00.007-04:00

FEAR

AKA False Evidence Appearing Real

Fear can paralyze a person from doing just about everything. Years ago, I was almost to the point of being afraid to go out of the house. I was scared of everything. I knew I could not live the rest of my life that way. Thank God I had a great support system to help me through my anxieties and fears.

I am only human and because of that I still do fear things at times. I worry about a lot of nothing....and a lot of everything that is beyond my control. But step by step it is getting easier to give it over to God. One of the big things that I have struggled with from time to time is the thought of death. Not only for me but my loved ones. I know I will be in a better place, however, I would worry about how I was going to "meet my maker" so to say. Like I have control over that!

Anyway, I have been trying to tackle some subjects that have me puzzled from time to time. I have been asking God to work with me and help me gain some wisdom and understanding in areas that have been holding me back from getting closer to Him.

One thing I am aware of recently is that if I am focusing on my fears, insecurities and anxieties...I am not focusing on HIM.

WHAMMO!

I mean I knew that in my head but its taken a while for my heart to catch up. Everything that causes me to fear is really something that is truly false but appears real.

How do I conteract that? By going to the TRUTH. And you know what I am finding out?

The source of that TRUTH has never lied to me. Ever.

Yesterday while spending sometime in the glorious TRUTH I came across a verse that spoke volumes to my heart.

"Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by His death he might destroy him who holds the power to death-that is the devil- and free all those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." Hebrews 2:14-15 (NIV)

Or as Eugene Peterson would translate:

"Since the children are made of flesh and blood, its logical that the Savior took on flesh and blood in order to rescue them by his death. By embracing death, taking it into himself, he destroyed the devils hold on death and freed all who cower through life, scared to death of death."

There is no reason to walk around and cowering down to life. I am looking up...up to the one who gave me this beautiful life...this abundant life.

Trusting in the TRUTH with my heart while my head lets go of the fear that holds me back from enjoying the life he so graciously gave me.....

Sweet Words # 29

2009-06-18T08:48:00.005-04:00

I have a confession to make.

I have a hard time some days making sense of my heavenly Fathers words to me. I read verses that just seem to go over my head and make my mind spin. Sometimes I feel like his words aren't even for me.....they are for everyone else but me. I mean, how could he love me and want the best for me? He, above anyone at all, knows all my faults and insecurities, so how could he love me that much?

I get sidetracked way too easily lately. I sit down to read my bible and my mind goes crazy. Stirring with all the things I need to do or should be doing instead of sitting still. It always seems that I feel I need to get everything done first and then I will be able to focus on His Word. But what has been happening is I become too tired by the time I get those things done and I end up falling asleep before I even open up the pages of His Word. How embarrassing! After all he has done for me and here I have trouble fitting Him into my hectic life. EEK!

So, Him and I had a one on one conversation last night. It went something like this....

Me: Ok, Lord. I am going to open your book of wisdom and I really need your help. Please let me understand what you want me to get out of it tonight.

HIM: I will show you but will you take it in? Will you listen? Will you seek it earnestly or are you going through the motions?

Me: Ouch!

With that, I turned to Proverbs Chapter 2:1-5. And it became clearer to me than it has ever been...

"My Son, if you accept my words and store up commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding and if you call out for insight and cry loud for understanding and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as hidden treasure- then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."

Once again I am amazed at how well he knows my heart. I tend to not apply myself....I just want things to be easy. Here I see that I have to apply my heart and my mind and earnestly seek Him in a new way. I have to "chase" Him if you will, instead of letting Him "chase" after me.

So, today is a new day! A new way to look at Him and His words for you and me. Lets seek after them as if we are searching for hidden treasure~ I know what we will find will be more valuable than gold!

Thank you, Lord, for your word, for your wisdom and your love. It is you that I long to please today and everday.....help me make you priority # 1. Amen

**Please please please keep Melissa Taylor's mother (Becky Nunn) in your prayers today as she is undergoing surgery. Click here to read more of her story... http://melissataylorp31.blogspot.com/

Thanks!

For the love of lavender

2009-06-09T11:47:00.007-04:00

As I was leaving my house yesterday, I was greeted by the sweet smell of lavender welcoming me to a new day. I smiled.

Heaven Scent.

Lavender has become one of my favorite plants. It intrigues me.

It gives off a fragrance that makes me smile. Lightens my load. Although it emits a sweet scent on its own-its fragrance becomes so much sweeter and overwhelming when it is touched.

How ironic.

I am so much sweeter when I am touched by Him and His Word. I have been touched by my Savior...does it show?

For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing~2 Corinthians 2:15

Can others scents his sweet fragrance all around me? Do I lighten their load?

Heaven Scent.

Bright, beautiful flowers emerge from plain, tall green spikes. They are connected to the stem that gives them life.

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. ~ John 15:4

I become brighter and more beautiful on the inside when I am connected to Him. Each moment I spend with Him...I am changing. Looking for Him in the ordinary.....everyday.

Yesterday He came out of my love for lavender.

Thank you, Lord for moments like this. Gratitude gift # 28

Truly Heaven Scent.

Thursdays- Gratitude gift # 27

2009-06-05T15:57:00.004-04:00

Well Thursdays have become my favorite day of the week. It all started almost 3 years ago with this fantastic group of people.

This is when it all started. Each and every Thursday we have a group of 5-6 teenaged gals who bombard our house to eat dinner with us and kick our butts in games all night. If you have read yesterdays post you will know that these gals hold a very special place in my heart that no one else will ever be able to fill. These gals are between the ages of 18-21 (almost) and they spend almost every Thursday with us just hanging out and being crazy.

I cannot imagine my life without them and I thank God each day for every one of them! ;)

First camping trip this season!

Dice Night

Gift of Friends- Gratitude Gift #26

2009-06-04T11:23:00.004-04:00

Twenty three years ago, I started working at a 1-hour photo lab in the heart of Hershey. Who would have thought that working in the the sweetest place on earth would lead me into a family of friends that I will forever be tied to. My sister introduced me to the owners of the lab, Kaye and Eric and at 14 I began working part time for them while going to school. They had a son, David, who was about 1 at the time...he was full of firecrackers and giggles - I can still hear his deep giggle when he would be tickled under his chin. A few years later, their daughter Trish was born. Both children were no strangers to the photo lab. I still remember running photos through the machines while Trish was hanging from my hip. They were there everyday when I would go in to work, and I would pick them up and take them for slushy's at Turkey Hill. They would play in the back until it was time for them to go home...and then we would do it all over again the next day. We experienced many things together.....chicken pox, a robbery, getting over a Santa phobia, and too many others to mention. As the years rolled by, we became more and more like family. I got to see their sports activities and I got to know their friends. They saw me grow up and get married. I worked for Kaye and Eric for 14 years until they made the tough decision of shutting down the lab. This was a hard transition to deal with at first, but in the end it was the best decision they could make. I worked a few other places and for about 2 years we sort of parted ways. Then one day I was talking to Kaye on the phone and she ended up helping me get a job with her at Food Distributor in our area. From the day I started working with her again - it was like we never had lost touch.

We all started camping together and the kids started bringing their friends. Before you know it we had over six families, camping and vacationing together over the last 9 years. David is now almost 21 and Trisha is 18 and graduating today. These kids and their group of friends are like the children Shannon (my hubby) and I never had. While I am so happy that they have grown up to be such wonderful young adults my heart is sad at the same time to see all these wonderful years go by in the blink of an eye.

I am and always will be, forever grateful to Kaye and Eric for allowing me to be a part of their lives and family and for creating this circle of friends that now I hold so dear to my heart.

Weeding

2009-06-03T12:06:00.002-04:00

We recently got a shed that we are making into a potting shed/koi pond supply shed. Last night I began landscaping around the shed and I had loved every moment of it. This is one of my favorite things to do in the world. I love the look of a freshly planted garden. Fresh dirt, weed free garden~what more could a gal ask for? Maybe for it to stay that way- FOREVER! (lol).

As I was planting I was reminded how much gardening is like our faith journey. Once we are saved, we are fresh, new, weed-free and ready to grow and flourish. However, if we leave our faith unattended we start to notice little weeds invading our freshly planted garden. Doubt and fear start to choke out trust and faith. Before we know it- we can't even see the gardens beauty anymore...it just looks like a bed of thistles and overgrown ivy. If we don't spend time daily in the garden and tend to the weeds before we know it- the job becomes too overwhelming.

How true this is for me in regards to my faith journey. I become overwhelmed some days, too busy to take the time for weed prevention (spending time in God's Word). Before I know it- I feel ugly, useless, and fearful...and the list goes on.

But isn't it funny how one little verse can pull a stem of fear, a thistle of anxiety and turn it into a glimpse of hope and joy? He is the best gardener of all time and I long to be just like Him.

Tuesday, Beautiful Tuesday

2009-06-02T10:05:00.002-04:00

24. A morning shower followed by bright rays of sunshine...what a great way to start the day! I have so many things to be thankful for so its time I focus on them.

When I started this blog I really wanted to use it as an outlet and a journal per se. I used to love to write and to put pen to paper and get all my feelings out. I thought this would be one way of getting my thoughts out and worked through. What I didn't realize is how many beautiful people I would meet on this journey.

I have met some really inspiring, compassionate people that move me to tears as well as make me laugh. I would have never had the chance of meeting them had it not been for this bloggy world. It is so nice to know that when you are going through a "valley" or a "storm" of some sort, others are praying you through it- that is so amazing to me!

Lately, I have been focusing a little too much on the negative and too little on the positive. That is going to change. Training myself to stand on the promises of God, instead of my worries and fears has always been a struggle for me but I know it doesn't have to be. I know God has plans for me- I do not need to know what they are- I just have to be open to His leading and that is what I plan on doing.

25. So, thanks to those of you who have commented and emailed me - just know that God has used you in a big way. Your encouraging words have brightened some really dreary days and I am so thankful!

"Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable." Philippians 4:8

Living in Fear

2009-05-15T10:19:00.003-04:00

I have to admit. I have been in quite a funk lately. I am tired, tired of living in fear. I know I am not supposed to live this way and I have been working to correct it but it is hard at times to change a lifetime of anxieties.

I have always been anxious and fearful. In second grade my mom would have to literally tear me off of her side when she took me to school. In fourth grade I had the honor of waking up every Tuesday and Thursday at 4 am feeling sick to my stomach because I knew I had swim lessons and the teacher had already threw me in the deep water before I knew how to swim. My parents made sure it didn't happen again but then I was forced to walk around the pool the entire class while the rest of the students had their class. Then in 5th grade I was scared to death to walk home from school after hearing on the news that some guy was stopping and trying to entice kids into his van in a nearby town. When I finally did get up the nerve to walk home-some older boy threatened to beat me up after school- well that did it. Poor mom came and picked me up from school everyday after that.

Middle & High school was better. But I still had the occasional worries and anxieties. Like worrying about my parents getting sick and dying. I worried that I would have cancer at the slightest tinge of pain. I worried that I would grow up alone, and die a single old spinster. You name it I worried about it.

After high school, I sort of went out on my own. My relationship with God became a little more distant. I became engaged to my high school boyfriend and ended up moving in with him against my parents wishes. This broke my heart. Then about a year later, I went back to them broken and ashamed of the choices that I had made. The relationship did not work out- and I crawled back home. They welcomed me home with open arms and hearts and helped me through a very rough time. By that time I was into going out to clubs, I love to country -western dance. I was at a local club probably 5 out of 7 days. My parents still talk about how they prayed me home every night. During those couple of years, I made bad choices. Looking for love and acceptance where none could be found. I am terribly ashamed of many of the choices that I made during these years of my life. I cannot go back and change the things I have said or done but I have asked God for forgiveness and for help to have me move on. I remember one night just saying "God, help me move past this. I do not want to be 60 years old doing the same things over and over again!"

Like an answer to prayer, my life started changing around. The Lord brought an old school mate back into my life. We began to date, we got involved in a church and here we are 9 1/2 years later still learning to rely on God.

Some things though I have a harder time changing. I still worry. Sometimes more than others. My husband has been a great support system~he married me knowing all my fears and insecurities. We have been married for 8 1/2 years and the Lord has gotten us through many a hard time! Over 6 years ago, we found out we were going to be parents. Wow! We were excited, scared and many other emotions rolled up into one. Then on Thanksgiving Day, we miscarried and ever since then, I have been afraid to try again. I fear getting pregnant, then I fear not getting pregnant again and never having a child of our own. I fear one of us getting sick, I fear our parents getting older and worry about their future. We help lead the youth in our church and I fear for them in this day and age and what their future holds. I pray everyday for the decisions that they make in their lives and I pray that the Lord leads them and that they are open to go where He calls them.

Needless to say, I am so tired of living in worry and fear. I know I am not meant to live this way but sometimes I find it a little harder than others to get out of the pit that I tend to get myself in. But God sends sweet reminders to me and I am forever grateful. Here are some more of my gratitude gifts:

19. A post I ran across that made me heart sing this morning. What a great reminder.

20. A turtle dove gathering sticks and such to make a nest for her young. Another sweet reminder that he takes care of those birds so he will take care of me too!

21. Gathering of friends and loved ones to just enjoy each others company.

22. The ability to get up this morning and take in the sweet fresh air.

23. Knowing in my heart that God has always taken care of me and He will never fail me.

Learning day by day, and moment by moment to give my yoke of fear over to Him!
Have a wonderful weekend!
Julie

Lazy Saturday morning

2009-04-25T09:33:00.002-04:00

Today I had the privilege of sleeping in a little longer than usual. But when I woke up I was greeted by a beautiful day waiting for me. As I stepped out my back door to let the dog out, the most beautiful red winged blackbird was singing a song just for me. It made me smile. So I decided to sit on the back porch, read a devotion and take in all the sights and sounds this morning offers. Too many to try and remember so, I grabbed the laptop and here I am. Looks like the endless gifts that I might normally miss are being showered upon me this morning. Thank you, Lord.

13. The song of a red winged black-bird beckoning to the sun

14. The brightest color cardinal I have ever seen singing back-up for him

15. A gentle breeze that kisses my cheek

16. The leaves of the maple tree pushing their way through to see what the world has to offer.

17. The sounds of the waterfall (from the koi pond) that remind me how Gods love contiuously washes over me.

18. A dog that doesn't let me sit too long before telling me that she is ready to be fed! She keeps me moving whether I like it or not-lol.

Endless Gifts

2009-04-23T14:00:00.003-04:00

I stopped over to a blog earlier today and came across the neatest challenge. A challenge to start seeing all the special blessings and gifts in your life. I loved it. So, I will be posting lists from time to time to help me get to where I recognize 1000 or more gifts in just the everyday.

As I was reading over some of my older posts I noticed that I have taken some time to see gifts in my everyday, ordinary world. So I will go through and list those first.

1. For my Lord and Savior and the sweet bursts of sunflowers that He send my way in late summer.

2. My wonderful, beautiful husband that loves me regardless of my many faults.

3. Songs that remind me how lost I would be without Him.

4. The love of my family and friends

5. My sense of humor.

6. My four-footed, furry children who love me unconditionally.

7. His Word that gives me new treasures each and every time I read it.

8. My beautiful parents who have provided the perfect example of love.

9. The brightest colored blue-bird that reminds me that my God loves and cares for even me.

10. The smell of spring and all its promises

11. Simplicity

12. Fall sunrises over misty waters

I can't wait to see how the list proceeds now that I will be consciously looking for the beauty in the ordinary. If your visiting and are working on your own list let me know- I would love to check them out!

looking at the everyday in a new light......

julie

A Camping We Will Go!

2009-04-16T22:55:00.006-04:00

Well it is that time of year again! Its time for us to get the ole camper ready and head out for some weekend fun with some very good friends. Last week we were camping in a big cabin with family and this weekend we will be out in the camper sitting by a camp fire taking in all the sights and smells of spring!

My best friend and I were talking at lunch today. As we walked out of the office, and we took a deep breath of the fresh spring air, I said that I think that Heaven must smell like spring! She totally agreed. The smell of all that was dead over a long dreary season comes alive with the brights colors and refreshing smells of life beginning anew. If I haven't said it before (yes I know I have)...I LOVE SPRING!

We are so looking forward to going out in our campers first trip of the season. This is where it all starts - a camping season full of good friends, food and laughter. I love it- and I never ever want to take it for granted!

Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom— there I will give you my love.

Song of Solomon 7:11-13

Let the mountains sing

2009-04-15T10:14:00.004-04:00

God never fails to amaze me. Just when I think that I have it all figured out- I realize that I don't. Hubby and I spent a long Easter weekend with friends and family upstate at a cabin. I was so looking forward to this weekend for a while. I love our trips to the mountains-God never ceases to amaze me with His handiwork. I was hoping to spend some time alone with Him - and do some much needed catching up. But needless to say...He had other ideas in mind and in the end it worked out to be for the best.

In a cabin filled with almost 30 people its hard to find some quiet alone time with God. I went to my bedroom but the floors and wall are so thin that my thoughts were drowned out by my nephews who were having tons of fun downstairs. I tried to go for a walk by myself to just breathe and think but that was not part of His plan either. My little 4 year old nephew wanted to join me in the worst way- I could not say no. He wanted to spend time with me, just like I wanted to spend time with God. So, we walked. And talked. More walking...more talking and I loved it. We talked about all the different trees and buds that were starting to burst. We talked about how God made them all. "Why did God make them?" he asked. I simply said "Because He loves us so much"

"Jesus loves me!" Jon exclaimed.
"Yes, he sure does!" I replied.

Then we walked back in silence to the cabin. Sure, it wasn't what I thought I needed that morning but it definitely surpassed my expectations.

Then Hubby, Dad and 3 cousins took off that afternoon in search of some waterfalls and what we found made us speechless.

"I don't care what anyone says...there is nothing like looking at Gods handiwork here in the mountains!" Dad said as-a-matter-of -factly.

I couldn't agree with him more!

One thing I know is that you don't have to go certain places to see the God all around you. He is everywhere but some places sure do make the view so much sweeter!

Let the rivers clap their hands,

Let the mountains sing together for joy
Psalm 98:8

New Look

2009-04-08T12:14:00.003-04:00

Well I changed the look of the blog ...again. I like change...sometimes...lol.

This would be one of the times I actually like it.

Looking forward to going to the mountains this weekend with the family. I have some much needed time to catch up with my heavenly Father. We have a "date" so to say- no distractions.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter weekend.

julie

;)

Springtime...well maybe...

2009-04-07T18:32:00.005-04:00

Here in Pennsylvania the weather has been a little unpredictable lately. About 3 weeks ago I was so proud of myself. My father and I had gotten in our garden and got all our "early" crops in. We planted spring onions, sugar peas, lettuce, cabbage, and cauliflower. Well let just say... apparently it was too early (for some unknown reason) because within two weeks of us planting we ended up having a cold spell that lasted for just about a week. Long enough to make my cabbage and cauliflower plants shrivel up into nothing.

Well, nothing stops dad. He calls me last week and tells me that he will be going and getting some more cabbage and cauliflower plants and will plant them the following day while I am work. I come home from work on Friday to find a nicely planted garden bed with beautiful looking plants. And now once again, the cold has decided to return. Tonight Dad came over and we covered our crops and are hoping for the best. He goes on to tell me that he never had problems planting around this time in all his 80 years. I smile and say- it must be me! We giggle and laugh over the changing of the weather and season.

I love spring. I love planting and watching everything come to life. However, I think what I love more is the time I get to spend with my Father during this time of year. He loves to come over to my house and help me tend the garden. I have to be honest...its his garden- I plant one because I know he loves to tend to it. I love that he loves to tend to it. I love the way we work together and the way he tells me this and that needs to be done. He is the epitome of what I think my Heavenly Father is. He loves me....and he loves tending me and my garden. I cherish every moment that we share together. And I thank my Heavenly Father for the gift of my wonderful parents to share these special seasons together.

I look at my earthly Father and see how much he loves me and I am amazed that my heavenly Father loves me more than that. ...

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matthew 7)

Thank you Jesus

Springtime

2009-03-29T22:29:00.002-04:00

I love Spring! I love the smell, the sights and the sounds of it. I love how after a long season of cold, damp weather everything around springs to life once again. Making all things new. Everything that has died off has regained new life and vibrancy. I have started some seeds of some of the perennials that I want to plant in a new flower bed that I am creating and I have been so excited over the sprouts that I think my hubby is ready to send me to the loony bin. I must look at them dozens of times a day....just to see their progress. I love the thought of how one tiny dried up seed can sprout fresh and new with a little nurturing and water. God does the same thing to me. Just when I think I am all dried up he waters me and nurtures me with his love and I feel like a new person all over again. I sprout forth with new energy and new life that I want to pass on.

This week was a hard one. My sister was rushed to the hospital with abdominal pain and she ended up needing emergency surgery to remove a cyst that had cut off the blood supply to her right ovary. Thank God- she came through everything ok -she is a little sore but she is feeling much better. We just wait now to make sure the biopsy is clean of cancer. I am strong when a crisis hits -its the after effects that aren't so pretty. So the day after she was sent home from the hospital I spent on an emotional roller coaster. Complete with what-if thinking and worry...neither one solve the problem of course...just end up making things worse. It is in these seasons that I end up feeling dried up. But today he showered me with his love and I am feeling better and better each minute knowing he is in control. Once again- he met me in my winter season and is showing me his love anew. Yes, its springtime alright...not just outside.....but also in my heart!!!

:)

Beautiful Blue Bird

2009-02-18T23:21:00.003-05:00

This morning on my way to work, amidst all the dreariness of a cold winter morning, I saw a glimpse of heaven before my eyes. The road I travel to work -winds past fields that house beautiful wildflowers in spring and early summer, and sunflowers in the fall. They give me something to look forward to in the morning. I like to think of them as Gods gift to me each morning. This time of year, however, there is not much to notice or take in. The bushes and brush by the creek look dead and brown, sort of lifeless...and the fields of course have no life springing forth from them. But today, the most beautiful blue bird flew in front of my car and landed to the right of the road, on one of those dead and lifeless branches that sit by the creek. It took my breath away. I so wished I would have had my camera to capture that moment....the beauty and serenity of it all.

It reminded me that in the dead and lifeless moments of our lives...God appears and brings color and life once again. How sweet is his love for us...how much he cares for us.....how he loves to give us gifts for us to relish in. Thank you Jesus for always knowing what I need before I do.

Love

2009-02-10T22:21:00.003-05:00

This weekend we celebrated my parents 40th wedding anniversary. What an accomplishment! I am so thankful to the two of them...because they taught me about love. Love for one another and love for Jesus. Words cannot express how much they have given me. I wrote them a letter and read it to them at their surprise party... most of it may not make sense to an outsider but feel free to read! Oh and p.s. Dad will be turning 80 in 2 weeks so we incorporated that also.

Well surprise!
You both are so important to each one of us here today. We are here to celebrate your marriage of 40 years and Dad’s 80th birthday.
It’s hard to believe that over 40 years ago tomorrow your two lives were joined as one. I bet the two of you never realized then exactly how many people’s lives you were going to touch in these 40 years. Because of you both…all of our lives are connected as one. We may not all be family by blood but we are all family by the ties that you two have bound. Each of us have our own special memories of all the things we have done, the laughs we have had, and the tears that we have shared. We have all felt the joy of a new arrival and the tears and sadness of our family and friends who have gone home Heaven to wait for us. Many times we never take time to celebrate what is really important but that is what this celebration is about. You are so many things……..you are…first….a daughter or a son…a sister or a brother…an aunt or an uncle…a mother and a father…..a grandma and a grandpa….a great grandma and great grandpa….a friend and a prayer warrior for all those around you. You see you two are all these things and so much more. But out of all the things that you are…the most important is that you are LOVED.
Dad, its hard to believe that towards the end of this month you will be turning 80 years old. What an accomplishment! You have seen and been through so many things in these 80 years. More than many of us will ever see or do. Lets do a very brief recap…shall we?
In an effort to get our family out in the great outdoors…..we went on our first initial camping trip to Camp Swatara and the first thing you did was sprain your ankle by stepping in a gopher hole as we walked around the lake. But have no fear that didn’t stop us each and everytime we went something else happened…like the camper flooded, we were stalked by a mallard duck…you never put the wheel on the hitch up before we left the campground…everyone heard us leaving that day… That must be why we started camping with the Shompers…we needed somebody to keep us in line….
You kept your nieces (when they were young whipper snappers) on the up and up while they were in the back of your car on the way up to the cabin. Uh hmmm…Enough said.
You know how to really sport some really cool head gear…we’ll see more on that a little later
You were able to fly through a locked screen door when running to a fire call when you ran with the fire department.
You really got in touch with your “nature “ side last year when you told the guy in lowes that your lawn mower …um…looks like a ……you know a butterfly. He may have looked at you like you were crazy…but we all know better.
No one else on earth knows how to announce your arrival to Shady Maple Camp any louder or clearer than when you set off the alarm system that echos throughout the entire mountain range.
You really are a quick learner….I mean mom shouldn’t have to wrap you up in the vacuum cleaner cord and trip you ever again.
On a more sentimental note…you are the best pinochle partner a gal could ever have… J. And yes we do have to let them win sometimes or they get cranky.
Well you know what they say…birds of a feather flock together….
Cause mom …look at all you have seen and done in the last 40 years that you have been together….
You like to trip a lot…not like a vacation…like to trip. Umm like tripping and stumbling in the door of the dollar general store while you were with Sara years ago….skinning both your knees while walking down the street with me when I was like 8 years old…oh an don’t forget tripping on my back deck and flailing around like a turtle on its shell that can’t get up.
You have a vocabulary all your own….. do …tock of flurkeys or cheese putzes ring a bell?
You are the only person I know who would go through the Burger King drive thru and order a Frosty and then back all the way out of the drive thru because the lady on the intercom was kind enough to tell you ”Ma’am we don’t have Frosty’s”. I bet she is still wondering where you got to cause you never came through the line…….
Some here today may say you are an instigator. I am not sure where they would get that idea…I am sure it would have nothing to do with …..
***you scaring the pants off aunt joan years ago when you two were on the Mississippi Queen….”Hey Lady” has gotten a lot of usage since then.
Or lets see…I am sure you never have run up to anyone in our family and yelled “touched you last” and then quickly darted the other way.
All kidding aside…..
We want you both to know that you are treasured. For the little things as well as the big things. I personally want to thank the both of you, now, for the sacrifices you made for me. I know I never may have come out and thanked you…but know , they have never go unnoticed, and unappreciated. Thank you for providing a home with a roof over my head and food on the table. Thank you for bandaging me up when I had bumps and bruises, thank you for praying me home on the nights that I would be out boots scootin’ till all hours of the night, thank you for just being there and holding mine and Shannons hand in a hospital room on Thanksgiving Day 6 years ago.

God is so good…for he has blessed our whole family with you both in our lives. No words could ever truly convey how grateful we are to you for the precious times, the precious memories and the love and prayers that you have showered all of us with.
I have a picture that says Home is where your story begins and its so true…because for me Home began with the two of you.

All my love, Julie

Nuggets

2009-01-22T11:20:00.002-05:00

I collect sayings. Yeah I am weird. I may be reading something a verse or a poem and something just speaks to me and I have to copy it down and keep it where I can look back on it. Well, this morning, I decided to clean up my desk at the office and lo and behold I found little nuggets to brighten my morning. Here is some of what I found. If there is anyone else reading this please, please, please add some of your own!

*Stop telling God how big your storm is...instead tell your storm how big God is.
*A man is what he thinks about all day long.
*When God places a burden upon you, He places His arms beneath you.
*If you begin to live life looking for the God that is all around you, every moment becomes a prayer-Frank Bianco
*Hope is like the sun, which as we journey towards it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us. -Samuel Smiles
*Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.-Helen Keller
*Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you. 1 Peter 5:7

The gym

2009-01-20T18:55:00.002-05:00

I started back to the gym. Let me just say that ugh- its rough. Yesterday was my first day back in 2 weeks and boy, I feel like I am starting all over again. I did not want to overdo it so after 25 minutes on the treadmill- I was outta there. Tonight was a little better than yesterday.... 20 mintues cardio plus strength training. (That's gonna hurt tomorrow!) I feel better after I go to the gym...so why is it sooo hard for me to stay motivated?

Now that I think about it....why is my spiritual life like that sometimes? I feel so much better when I take the time to soak Him up! I need to flex my spiritual muscles more instead of trying to handle everything on my own. Weight lifting takes on a whole new meaning with Jesus. I should be giving my weight to Him instead of holding onto the weight and making myself tired, out of breath and sore. When I give Him the things that weigh me down....He lifts them up and makes me feel so much stronger. Thanks to a bloggy friend that posted a wonderful reminder that that is what we all should be doing!

I think I will go flex some of that spiritual muscle right now!

I'm Back!

2009-01-19T11:14:00.004-05:00

Yep! That's right...I am back. I know its been a while but it has been really hard getting back into the swing of things since we got back from our cruise on January 11th. Our first week back was absolutely brutal. Going back to work, trying to get the house back in order and trying not let the daily grind get the best of me is quite a task it seems.

The trip was amazing and I really feel it was the first time in a long time that I allowed myself to soak up some peace. I stayed on track for the challenge from Wendy Pope which is a great accomplishment for me. I saw some of the most beautiful places that I have ever seen and met some really interesting people. I just didn't want it to end. I came back to work that needed caught up on...laundry that had grown to something short Mount Everest and ....a family member who learned nothing from the consequences of his stealing stint last April. By Wednesday, I just wanted to turn around and go back to the islands!

Then I read today's reading from the challenge. I have it good compared to Job. But even so, Job never took his eyes off of God. That is what I want to do. So, this week that is what I want to do. I want to take my mind and my anxious thoughts off my issues and focus of God. That is a good way to start the new week. Wish me luck!

Excitement

2009-01-02T04:34:00.002-05:00

Well, here it is at 4:30 am and I am sitting in the lobby of the Comfort Suites in F. Lauderdale. I am excited and I really can't sleep. This is very strange for me because as my husband will tell you, there isn't a time or place when I can't sleep. I love to sleep-lol. Well I think it is because I am excited and I felt that as I woke at 2 a.m. this morning the Lord was directing me to begin my day in His Word no matter how early it may be. So, here I am, I just finished my reading for today. ( I am doing the challenge Wendy Pope brought to over 1000 people for the New Year).

In todays reading I find myself sad, happy and excited all at the same time. I am sad because I look at the begining verses under Noah and he flood and I see how disappointed the Lord was with his people so many years ago. He was sorry that he ever made them and put them on the earth. How can it be that he is not that disappointed in his people today? Many of the same things happening then are still happening now- only now we have the promise of forgiveness and love and eternal life through Him. Before that though I was struck by what the Lord said to Cain in Genesis 4. Cain so angry with God because Cains sacrifice was not heart felt. His response to Cain..."You will be accepted if you do what is right....But if you refuse to do what is right...then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it." Boy did that speak to me this morning. The same words that he spoke to Cain so many years ago - he speaks to us today. We too struggle with right and wrong with pure and unpure thoughts and ways and we must learn to subdue it or it will control us. God wants so much more for our lives and this is what he desires to have a right relationship with us.

He found favor with Noah, though. And He knew that Noah desired to live and serve Him. So he spared Noah and his loved ones. Even back then he was int he business of forgiveness and grace. WOW! How wonderful is that?

I am glad that I didn't just lay in bed thinking of a bunch of things this morning...I got up, came to the lobby and read His Word and I do feel refreshed. I was concerned at first with this challenge of reading through the bible in a year because I don't follow through with a lot of things. I must admit I am afraid of failure but I know that if I keep my eyes on Him he will see me through. This of course was a challenge for the new year and I am away on vacation- (going on a cruise-we board the ship tomorrow afternoon. In my human-ness I wanted to make excuses...like well I probably won't have time...I won't have access to see what others are thinking about this same challenge and coax me along....and the excuses go on and on and on.... but then I said" There is always time and why not start this challenge in the midst of Gods wonderful creation that I have never seen before?" So here I am in awe of the opportunities that He has placed before me in this New Year already.

Thank you , Lord...as always...you know what I need more than I do.....

xo
Julie

Treasures to Ponder

2008-12-26T13:53:00.003-05:00

When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.- Luke 2:17-19

When the Christmas Day came to a close last night I decided to read once again the story of the most wonderful gift this world was ever given. I got dressed in my new comfy pajamas that I received and snuggled into bed with my bible and turned to the pages of Luke Chapter 2. There I found something that I do not remember reading before. Maybe it is because I feel like I have heard this story so many times before. I don't know but what I do know that last night...the night of the day we celebrate our Saviors birth I found something that brought a new light to the wonderful story of Christmas. The shepherds had come to see the baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying there in a manger. They were so excited to tell Mary and Joseph what they had seen and heard from the angels in the field. Everyone was excited of the news. Then I came across was Mary did at this time.

Of course I could just be reading into this too much.. Have you ever been in the midst of chaos? Take for instance a holiday party or picnic...people all around...conversations and stories buzzing all around. So much going on that you just cannot focus on a task at hand. Have you ever been in the midst of chaos and then stopped, stepped back and tried took everything in like a camera trying to capture a picture? This is how I pictured Mary last night in the scripture that I read. All this excitement going on all around her and the baby and then her taking a step back and taking it all in. Treasuring up all these things so that she can savor every moment, every emotion and every expression on the face of her husband, her guests and most of all her precious baby.

We should want to live the same way. Taking each moment in like a breath of fresh air. Trying to breath in Jesus the way Mary did on this starry night. She didn't want to miss a thing and you know what? Neither do I........

Life with Bailee and Boo

2008-12-18T12:13:00.013-05:00

Meet Bailee and Boo. Please note their apparent calm, obedient demeanor. Remember...some things aren't always what they seem.

It all started about 8 years ago. Hubby and I moved into our house and immediately hubby thought we needed to get a cat. He insisted that we needed one to help chase mice that may come in from the field that borders our property. Yeah..he really looks like a mouser doesn't he? We got Boo from a local shelter. He was already 3 years old. Truth be told...I was always more of a dog person than a cat person but Boo grew on me quickly. Three months later...enter in Bailee. Bailee was also adopted from a local shelter. She was 6 months old and full of herself and lots and lots of energy. Right from the start the two hit it off. That is of course right after Boo told Bailee that HE is the boss not her. Bailee took the news well.

Our first Christmas together as a family, I decided to be like those of our friends and family who actually have real children and decided to send Christmas cards to all our loved ones of our four legged children. The first year worked great. I got a pic of them together longingly staring out the window. Everyone loved it....and so the pressure was on for each year since. I have not come up with a pic I love more than that one...but I cannot send them the same one year after year. Well for the last 7 years hubby and I have ruined countless hours trying to get these two to cooperate with us. Some how they just know when it is Christmas card time and they purposely act like they have never liked each other before.

This was the closest I could get them to each other one year.....and dang nabbit Bailee has red-eye!

As you can see the next year was sooo much better.......However this is how they act with each other normally......

Anyway...after telling Boo to quit eating the tree, and after telling Bailee that she does not have to scold the cat for eating the tree....we have come up with a photo for our 2008 Christmas Card. I wanted to use the one at the top of the page, however.....Hubby says Bailee looks old and his Bailee is never getting old. So I settled for this one.......done at least until next year!.....

Kids.....they drive me nuts (but I couldn't live without 'em!)

Heathy Level of Insanity

2008-12-16T11:02:00.003-05:00

Something fun to make you laugh....

Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Don t use any punctuation

8. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

9. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

10. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

11. Sing Along At The Opera.

12. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

13. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

14. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

15. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling Name,' Rock Bottom'.

16. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

17.. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

18. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

19. Visit a local clothing store and hide in the clothing rack. When someone comes by yell "OOO Pick Me...Pick Me!"

A Dickens of a Weekend

2008-12-09T11:41:00.004-05:00

This weekend my husband and I had the pleasure of traveling with our good friends, Kaye and Eric (pictured left) to Wellsboro, PA for their Dickens of a Christmas. We had so much fun! Friday we drove up, rented a cabin in the nearby state park and were completely delighted to find that the accomodations were really outstanding!. The cabin was so clean and tidy. The Lord even blessed us with the gift of a blanket of snow to greet us with.

We went into the town of Wellsboro on Saturday morning. Everyone was decked out in their warm Dickens outfits. The streets were filled with the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Street vendors were selling their handmade decorations and gifts, and of course lots and lots of food. This was a beautiful day of taking in all the sights and sounds of Christmas. I absolutely loved it! Sunday as we were packing up we had a beautiful snowfall that coated the trees and ground so beautiful and when we did pull out the lake had a pure white blanket of snow on it.

After visiting with our friends relatives we headed back home. Monday we were busy preparing a Christmas meal for 19 of the ladies from church. We ran around all morning trying to get everything set up but in the end it all came together so nice. Everyone had a great time and loved the food and fellowship. I must say this year more than any other year before I am so happy to be taking time with all my family, friends and loved ones. It is much nicer than freaking out looking for last minute shopping gifts!