I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I woke up and knew in my heart something was not right. A frantic call to a phone number left me numb
when I was told someone would call me back as to what I should do.
After waiting for what seemed like eternity I got dressed
and told my husband to drive me to the hospital. I knew what was happening but I didn’t want
to believe it. After a few tests the doctors confirmed what I feared the most. There was no detectable heartbeat. Just like that. I could choose to stay in the hospital and
have a DNC or I could go home and let my body take care of it naturally. I chose the latter. I suppose a part of me thought maybe the
doctors were wrong. Maybe this wasn’t
how the story was going to end. I was
wrong…and Black Friday can take on a whole other meaning in times like this.
I have learned a lot since then. I have learned that sometimes a body
remembers all on its own…before you unintentionally think about it. Before you know it the years have passed by
like water running through your hands and sometimes you feel like you don’t have
anything tangible to show for it. It can
leave you feeling empty and broken if you’re not careful. I have learned not to be defined by what
others may think of us as we walk this path without children. I have learned that it doesn’t make me love
their children any less or that I am not happy for them. I am…it just so happens that our life worked out
different. I have learned that I can be
happy regardless.
This morning, during my devotions, it all became a little
clearer to me.
Christ fills empty vessels.
Beth Moore says, “Nothing destroys life like emptiness. Hollow places deep inside of us never sit
dormant. They are vacuums attempting to
inhale anything within reach. Left unchecked, the clock will tick only so long
before the life self-destructs.
Christians are not exempt. We
still battle overwhelming feelings of emptiness. We can possess eternal life yet never be “filled”
with God’s love.”
She then goes onto say “When we allow Christ to fill our
hollow places, inevitably others will draw closer to us. Only Christ can fill
our empty pitchers.”
For many years I wanted to avoid Thanksgiving
altogether. Skip right to the Christmas
season and get it over with. In doing
that I missed out on the gift of right here and right now. Now that I am older and wiser I know that joy
is not the absence of sorrow…it is the presence of God. If I take my empty, broken pitcher He will
fill it until it overflows and that is just one of the many reasons why I am so thankful this Thanksgiving.
John 2:7-8
Jesus told the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” When the jars had
been filled, 8 he
said, “Now dip some out, and take it to the master of
ceremonies.” So the servants followed his instructions.
