Wednesday, March 17, 2010

New Again- Spring

The wind and rain pounded against the house all week last week. The windows were rattling, the roof shingles were flying and the rains came down. What was left of the snow had dissipated and the ground was soaked. For a week straight the sky had been gray and dreary casting shadows on my mood and my thoughts.

Then came Monday.

Then came spring.

The clouds blew over, the sky opened up and the sun shined brighter than I've seen in a long long time. The over abundance of water that was laying in the yard slowly receded as the earth took in every last drop. What has been dead and stunted has shown new life, new promise.

My Jesus gave that to me. New life...new promise. Each day with my Savior, comes with it, the gift of a fresh start....new life. It feels like spring....even in my heart. The storms of sin may beat against us but not for long.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

White as snow



The snow storm we had a few weeks back painted a beautiful picture as I looked out from inside my house. Blankets upon blankets of fresh snow covered my yard and neighborhood and before I knew it we had snow up to my butt. (Probably everyone elses knees but my butt.) Really I didn't mind it because it gave this gal a much needed reprieve from the normal every day work day. No one was forced to go in to the office so I burned a sick day and snuggled in and caught up on some much needed cleaning and landry.

I must say, that I absolutley love the change in seasons where I live. Old Man Winter may not be my favorite guy, but he does have his moments. Whenever that beautiful white fluffy stuff falls from the heavens a certain hymn runs through my mind:

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.


The winter snow that fell this day reminds me so much of the grace that falls freely for those who believe. It coats the ground with a fresh new layer and brightens the gray that tries to dim our days.


After the snow falls and is laying there for a few days,however,I begin to forget. I begin to overlook the beauty and I begin to see the dirt that forms from passing cars and salt trucks. And before you know it, its turned black.

I tend to compare my faith journey to that right now. I know I am saved and that his sacrifice has washed me white as snow. However, it doesn't take long for me to feel dirty and black. If I don't take the time each day to sit with Him I begin to focus so much more on what I am not rather than what I am with his love and grace.

When I fellowship with Him, it is then that scrape off those ugly layers of dirt that try to weigh me down and darken my days. Without Him I would have no hope and no light. Without him...I would be lost.





Sweet friends, may your day be spent embraced in the love and grace of our Heavenly Father.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Guilty as Charged

I woke up early to dive into His Word this morning. And the words I read pierced my heart:

The LORD said to Moses, "How long will these people (Julie) treat me with contempt? How long will they (Julie) refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them? -Numbers 14:11

I began to think on all the Lord had brought the Israelites through and yet they still refused to listen to him. I am not so different when I search the depths of my heart and soul. For He has brought me through many a bondage and trial and yet- I forget so easily. I still try to go my own way...to fix the problems of the world instead of laying them at His feet.

I am guilty.

Guilty of the fact that although I know I am saved by the blood of the Lamb I still try to pave my own way despite His leading. Guilty that even though I am not worthy of the grace that he has showered on me-the human in me acts at times that I am owed something more or something better. Guilty that I want to know him more, but I put everything else before Him.

I am guilty. Guilty of presumption.

Nevertheless, in their presumption they went up toward the high hill country, though neither Moses nor the ark of the LORD's covenant moved from the camp. Then the Amalekites and Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down and attacked them and beat them down all the way to Hormah. -Numbers 14:44-45

Even after they defied His instruction they still expected the blessing. Ouch.

In order for me to let go of the things that keep me from Him I must lay them down at His feet. I must get them out in the open...it is only then I will be able to surrender my all to Him and let Him do His work in me.

So Lord,

I lay it all at your feet today. Take my:

selfish ambitions
judgmental heart
my fears of the future
my fears of what other people may think of me
my seemingly endless need for more

Take it all, Lord. I trust you as you continue to work in me.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Armed and ready to go

The battle begins in the early morning hours. Before my physical body wakes to consciousness, the war is waging in my mind. As I wake, I am hit with thoughts and fears that threaten to pull me down.

"Ugh- morning already? I wish I could just stay home"

"I am so useless and lazy. Look at all the things I didn't get done yesterday"

"What if there is something really wrong with me?"

"Why bother trying lose this extra weight? I end up falling off the wagon anyway"

Its time. The lines have been drawn and I must stand firm. I have a choice. I can feed my fears and anxieties or I can let them go out of my mind as fast as they came in and replace them with Words of Life.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not unto your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you." 1 Peter 5:7.

I named this year the year of renewal. I have challenged myself to renew my thinking and my mind. Honestly.....its been harder than I thought. The more I try the harder it seems to be some days. I am pushing through because I am tired of holding onto the side of the pool...afraid to let go.

As you may have noticed (or not-lol) January and February were so dry for me (thus my lack of posts in bloggy land). I was soaking myself in His Word but I still felt dry...nothing clicked.

Then this morning the battle began. I stood firm and gave praise to God for the gift of a fresh new day. The verses I have been meditating on came flowing through to my defense. Today my joy will not be hindered by my fears. I pushed through- the clouds lifted and I heard a chorus of birds serenading me as I got out of bed. I smile because its so clear He was reminding me of those precious verses that water the soil of this womans soul.

Mark 10:29-31
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Lead Me to the Deep End, Lord

Fourth Grade. Two words that describe a time in my life that still sends shivers up my spine.

Fourth Grade- the grade that introduced me to my biggest fear in elementary school. Moving into this grade gave me great anxiety. Anxiety that could not be tamed with taking a deep breath and my parents prayers for me. The summer leading up to this grade was not a good one...anticipation is the worst. Just when I thought my nerves were going to do me in...the start of the school year came and with it a class that everyone in my class was forced to take.

Swimming class. Ugh.

It wasn't exactly the idea of swimming that scared me. It wasn't the water itself. I loved the shallow end. I could stand and do all the things that I was asked to do and learn. It was the thought of them making me go into the deep end of the pool that did me in. I feared what was underneath. When it came time for us to jump in the deep end and tread water I stood in line behind everyone else with my heart racing and my knees shaking. When it was my turn I broke into sobs and began to hypervenilate. Oh the humiliation....

This went on for quite a few weeks until the teacher, who was tired of my fears, decided to just throw me in the deep end as I screamed bloody murder. That was all it took...every night before this class I wouldn't sleep and by the time it was time to get up for school...I would make myself sick. My parents met with the teacher (who was very unsympathetic to my fears) and from then on the teacher made me walk laps around the pool the entire class for the rest of that semester.

I can look back on this now and laugh- for other things have come and gone in my life that far outweigh what that experience has taught me. Good news is that following summer my parents found a wonderful lady who taught me how to swim who took her time and helped me move past my fears.

Some things, however, do not change. I still prefer the shallow end.

Mark 4:2-6
He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: "Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.

Perhaps I like the shallow end because it is comfortable...its what I know. If I move to the deep end...I don't know what is under that water. What if I drown? What if I am taken out of my comfort zone and forced to tread water while He does His Work in me? What if I have to let go?

Perhaps its because when I venture to the deep end- I know I have to let go of the worries and troubles that weigh me down. Or else I will drown under the weight of them.

Mark 4:18-19
.Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful


Lord, I am tired of staying in the shallow water....take me deeper...make me fruitful. I trust you to be my life's preserver.