Thursday, December 30, 2010

Endings and Beginnings

This morning I looked back on the post that I wrote last year at this time. I find it funny how some things never change...or at least don't change too much. Once thing is for certain things may seem like they don't change but time sure does go on. And just like last year...this year seems to have gone by as fast as I can blink my eyes.

Each year, dear Ann, challenges her readers to name the upcoming year. Last year, I jumped right in and decided that this year was to be my year of "Renewal". I feel hesitant to name this upcoming year because I feel like I have fallen short of the mark on last years challenge. For some reason I always tend to look at the "what I didn't do's" instead of the "what I did do's". I look back and I guess I feel that way because I envisioned myself at a better or different place than I am right now. Perhaps that is what God had in mind for me.

This year was not all a waste. Perhaps my definition of "Renewal" took on a slightly different meaning for me over the course of this year. I believe He purged me of some things in order to open my heart up to be renewed...just His way not mine.

I am an analyzer...and I find it hard sometimes to get out of my own head. Fear holds me back from doing a lot of things that it shouldn't. Then I start to feel guilty and I retreat. Fear holds me back from pushing through the doors and breaking barriers that hold me back from making change happen from the inside out.

I am 38 years old and all my life I have dealt with issues of anxiety and fear. I fear so much about the future that I don't know how to live in the present now. I worry about death...whether it be me or my loved ones. I worry about surrendering all to Him and being abandoned by those closest to me. I mean, really as a Christian I shouldn't really worry about that...should I?

I have been here before and I know that the only way to get through it is to push through it. I will and I know I will come out stronger. So here, at the end of 2010...I lay it down. I lay it down so I can empty myself of everything that holds me back. So in 2011 I can fill it with only Him. I know it will be a daily surrender, even surrendering minute by minute at times. 2011 is a new beginning as is each new day. New beginnings require "action" on my part.

So I will give this year and each day in it a new name, an action verb name.

I have chosen Fear-less. Not as something that I am (far from it) but something that I will do. I will Fear-less by trusting more in the one who created me.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you." 1 Peter 5:7

My prayer is that 2011 is one of Hope, Healing and Happiness for all of you!

Hugs,
Julie

Monday, December 6, 2010

Its Beginning to Look alot Like Christmas!

Its so hard to believe that Christmas is only about 3 weeks away! Time has a way of slipping past me these last few weeks. Getting ready for some craft shows has completely wiped me out and taken most of my time for the last month. God continues to be good, regardless....

So much has happened since I last wrote here. So much has changed, maybe for the good and maybe for the bad. But I continue to count blessings:

::lazy evenings after work is done
::the real meaning of the season
::lights that make everything better



::good friends
::a step back in time




::words that nurture a tired soul
::a card to let us know we are loved
::reconnecting with loved ones
::our Savior coming soon

Blessings,

Julie

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Yahweh, a Cross & A Dove

I run out the door and jump into my car this morning. It always seems I am running behind. Morning comes too quick some days and I find it hard to get out of bed and start the day. I start the day by pushing the “ugh’s” and the “I don’t wanna’s” out of my mind so that I can get my body motivated. Its Wednesday.

Another day. Another dollar.

I feel rushed as usual…I will most certainly be late if I don’t hit the lights through town just right.

I pull out of the driveway and my mind immediately tries to overcome my thoughts with a mental to do list. The panic tries to rush in. I take a deep breath. The change in season, for some reason, always seems to send me back to a few years ago. A time in my life when I did not want to leave the house at all...grocery stores made me hyperventilate if I had to wait in line…and driving…well I won’t even go there. I have dealt with anxiety and panic attacks for most of my life. Up until about 8 years ago…they controlled me. Then I figured out…I could control them. It’s not always easy but I have learned to manage them. So, as my fears and worries tried to creep in on me this morning I did the one thing that I know chases them away. I take a deep breath and I say out loud:

“But David found strength in the Lord…and so do I !” (1 Samuel 30:6b)(my addition)

I grab my Ipod and turn on my current favorite song “Bless the Lord”. I sing out at the top of my lungs and I feel better. Letting the worries out and filling that space with His praises. Before I know it I am pulling off the highway and down the road to the office where I spend my days. I look up as I am singing and I can’t believe whats in front of me.



A reminder of the cross, a reminder that Yahweh died on that cross, and a reminder of the peace it brings to me because of the sacrifice He made. Can you see them?

I stop to take it in and capture a picture. A reminder that I can look at throughout the day to keep the worries at bay. Sure, I was a few minutes late but …it was soo worth it!

“I will worship you, I will Bless your name forever!
I will worship you…Bless the Lord, O my Soul, BLESS THE LORD!”


**My friend Jennifer over at Getting Down with Jesus talks much about finding Yahweh and God reminders in the everyday. She is such an encouragement…so stop over and be blessed. Then go out and find some of your own!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Savor the Autumn

Evening comes early lately and I feel like my internal clock is beckoning me to slow down and savor every moment of this autumn love. To store it up for those winter months that are cold and chilly. Savor nights by the campfire soaking in the warmth, while inhaling the crisp air around me. Watching the sun set across the field out back and wondering how much more beautiful heaven will be. Perhaps he offers this free preview to keep my eyes on Him. Just a smidge of heaven on earth, right here, right now meeting me in my own back yard.

Its funny how these changes in the seasons can bring about a soul change. A stirring under the surface. The ripples that come from me stepping forward into an abyss that I fully don't understand. The ripples of change surround me and I find myself feeling a little twisted on the inside. Missing the routine and what used to be, I stand still. I want to go back. Knowing in my heart that that is not where He wants me right now. He bids me to wait. He asks me to trust, and so I will savor this Autumn...on the outside and the inside.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Happy Birthday, Dear Hubby

Tomorrow (Saturday Oct 16th) my miracle man turns 40!

I thank God everyday for you. And I can't wait to see where He takes us in the next 40 years!

I love you! Even when you look like the ocean spray cranberry ninja fruit guy!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Sometimes words......

don't come easy.....



and that is when God provides



the perfect opportunity



to be still



and reflect on his goodness.....

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Seasons of Change

Its funny how August has slipped in so quickly and so quietly. I cannot believe that summer is coming to an end when I hardly noticed its arrival. The older I get the faster the seasons seem come and go and before we know it our own seasons will come to an end.

:::
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

:::

Seasons are not easy at times. Its hard letting go of the past and waiting for the next season to roll around. One thing that I have learned though, is how important it is to cherish the season your in and look for the good in it all.

Hubby and I are experiencing a change of season is our own life. This time is a season that has lasted for 8 years straight. The Lord is clearly directing us to step back and regroup. For the last 8 years we have led the youth at our church and we have come to know so many teens as our own. We finally feel its time to step back and watch them fly. Its time for someone new to step in and let us step back, search our hearts and look for the Lord's leading on what to do next. We have been so blessed to be a part of of a great group of childrens lives and I know that they have taught me much more than I probably taught them. Kids are funny like that.

In spite of feeling the lead to step back I know I will miss this season, for it has been all too familiar to me for quite sometime. Possibly that is the problem. When I become too familiar with something I tend to stay in my box. So, in order to move forward....I look back and count the blessings that this season has gleened. Life doesn't get any sweeter especially when your list includes everday blessings that the Lord puts in front of us:

206-217

~the privilege of walking beside so many of the young adults in our church and watching them as they find their groove with their Savior

~knowing that they have taught me so much more than I have taught them

~watching as the post college young adults (that were once in our youth group) take on leadership roles such as starting their very own 20-30 age group

~a funky caterpillar that is the wierdest thing I have ever seen.




~church picnics filled with food and fun

~weed free flower beds

~summer rains that quench thirsty plants

~my real living breathing miracle

~friends who send prayers heavenward for my fear filled doctor visits

~fresh cut sunshine in colorful vases



I pray that whatever season you may be in right now, you stop and take a minute to thank God for each one. Cherish them ....because when this season is over....you can't get it back.

If you haven't listed your blessings lately...won't you consider starting? Join the community here.


holy experience

Friday, August 13, 2010

My Living Breathing Miracle

A little bit over a week ago(Aug 5th) Shannon (my hubby) and I hit our 10 year mark.

Wow. Ten Years.

I thank God for every one of those seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years that we have spent together. Grant it...they were not always rosy but every one of them were essential in our journey to where and who we are today. May I never take one second of our time together for granted......

::
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

::

Shannon was a miracle baby. He was born without a pulmonary artery and valve. When he was born his parents were told to "take him home and let him die in his mothers arms." His parents flew him to Michigan to meet with specialist. No one locally could even understand what was going on in his little body. After finding out what they were up against they flew back home to try to find out what the next step would be. At the age of 5 months, Shannon was the first person (ever) to have heart surgery at The Hershey Medical Center let alone the first pediatric patient to have heart surgery. A doctor (Dr. Walthausen) took a chance and had a Waterston shunt put in. At age 5, they operated again and placed a pigs valve in his heart to help control the flow of blood to his heart. Then finally at age 13 they decided that pig's valve was not needed so they took it out. Shannon was the first person (ever) to have heart surgery at The Hershey Medical Center let alone the first pediatric patient to have heart surgery. That is amazing in itself. Shannon will turn 40 this year...just imagine if his parents would have just took him home to die??!!

His miracles didn't end there. When he was 6 he fell out of a moving vehicle head first, during his rebellious years he totaled a car and finally at the age of 17 he was hit by a drunk driver head on. He flew through his windshield and into the windshield of the person who hit him. Broke both his knee caps and smashed his larynx. Police said they can't believe he lived. When I look at all he has been through I can't believe he is still alive now.

::
But God can. I truly believe that God gave me this man as a living, walking, breathing miracle to remind me of His never ending love for all of His children. Our ways are not His ways...and for that I am thankful!
::

Thank you Lord for blessing me with a husband who is a daily reminder that you do indeed still work miracles!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Not About Me

As I told you before, I am a procrastinator. So, much so that it leads to outright disobedience at times. Its funny how deep down I really want to accomplish a whole list of things that need done in a days time. However, when the pedal hits the metal I freak out and don’t even know where to start. Therefore, I don’t start and this is how I fall behind in everything I do.

Take for instance the “reading through the bible in a year” study that I intended to follow through with this year. It started January 1st 2010 and I did great until May. Then I fell off the wagon and got too overwhelmed when I fell behind. This is the second year in a row that I failed epically and I am beginning to think maybe I am just not disciplined enough to tackle that right now in my life. So, I have decided to step back and regroup. Now, I start by taking a minute to pray before I even open the Word. I pray that the Lord allows me to see with my spiritual senses what He is trying to get across to me. Sometimes I stay on the same passage for more than a day. Other times I keep moving on.

Over the last month or so I have been reading (and rereading) A.W. Tozers book titled “The Pursuit of God”. I have come to realize that my problem is very simple indeed. There is too much of me and not enough of Him. With all my heart, I want to be faithful in serving Him in my life. However, I let “me”get in the way. Tozer has a way of saying things that make one think….and think hard.

In the first chapter he talks about Prevenient Grace. Something I never really gave much thought to before. I mean I know it is by grace that we are saved…it’s a gift. But I never really thought about Previenient Grace which is defined “that before man can seek God, God must first have sought man.”

As I look up John 6:44 I am humbled once again. Why do I always end up thinking that I had a hand in this pursuit of God? Yes, it’s my choice to keep pursuing Him, but He is the initiator of that desire that rises up within me. He is the one that started pursuing me and it makes me long to know Him more deeply.

This is one more reminder that my life is no longer about me…..it needs to be all about HIM! Procrastinator or not …he will get through to this thick headed blubbering idiot…one way or the other! I just pray it won’t take me 40 years in the wilderness to get there…….

Blessings,
Julie

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Rock

Please excuse my absence here the last month or so. I have had a lot on my mind but I find that when I go to type them out...there are just no words. My mind becomes like my facial expressions at times....blank.

The last few weeks I have been sorting out some things, and taking time to step back and "see" where the Lord wants to take me next. I have been feeling like I am on a treadmill....I do a lot of walking I just do not get anywhere. I think I am coming out on the other side of this fog now. Perhaps I just have needed a change of attitude. Perhaps I have just needed a change of perspective. Perhaps I just needed more of Him and less of me. Yes, that is it. Loud and clear.
I struggle with anxiety issues over stupid things. If I would list them all here, one of you would probably suggest I be admitted somewhere for help. They range from a fear of doctors all the way to what-ifing my life away. Most of the time my worries involve me worrying about my family and loved ones. I worry about the day that I will no longer be able to put my arms around them physically. I worry how I will function without my parents when they are gone from earth. I worry about death. Lately, though, my biggest fear is looking back on my life and finding out that I did not actually live. Finding that even though I lived (physically) I did not live for my Jesus. At the end of the road…did I do enough for Him to greet me and say, “Well done…my good and faithful servant”?

So, I have been taking some time, making some big decisions and learning to move forward and trust Him for the outcome.

With all that being said…another thing you may not know is that I am a procrastinator. Not just with household chores but with all aspects of my life. I will wait until the very last minute to move forward with something. This includes gentle nudgings from my Savior. So when he nudges and I don’t follow through…He nudges harder. As I look back on the last month or so I no longer see it as me being a procrastinator…I see it now as me being disobedient. That is one word I do not like. I have never liked it and I probably will never ever like it. Even as a young little girl…I was too afraid of disappointing my parents. To me seeing disappointment in their eyes hurt more than if they would have just paddled my behind. That being said they have always shown me (by example) my Heavenly Fathers love for me. They have always loved me unconditionally and forgiven me when I had gone astray. To know that my Heavenly Father loves me this way (even much more) leaves me speechless and feeling undeserving at times. Let me rephrase that… I am undeserving but His sacrifice would be in vain if I refuse to drag myself up from the muck and the mire and watch the world pass me by. Instead of complaining about a problem I want to be the one searching for a positive solution. I want to be the one who has her feet planted firmly on the Rock.

Psalm 18:1-3
I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,and I am saved from my enemies.

Monday, July 26, 2010

A Random Letter to My Lord

Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is there anything too hard for Me?-Jeremiah 32:27 (Amplified)

No Lord...there is nothing too hard for you. However, lately I am having trouble letting it all at your feet. It seems my head is filled with doubt and fear and worry and I cannot seem to make sense of anything. I know that I am not living a life worthy of the sacrifice you made for me..help me to see things more clearly.

In less than two weeks, hubby and I will be celebrating 10 years of marriage. We have come so far in our relationship and our walk with you. We have been blessed beyond measure and so now I worry when the other shoe my drop. Don't get me wrong God, we have had our share of hardships like Daddy's quadruple bypass, DH heart condition (since he was born), a miscarriage and watching many loved ones move on to their eternal home. You saw us through all these things and I wonder how we did get through it without falling to apart.

It seems I am entering another season of unknowns and I am having a hard time hearing you. I NEED to hear from you. Help me listen and obey your leading.
I am in the in between. I am not sure where I fit and I need you to show me how to proceed.

Help me to give in and let go.

Cause you are the God of all flesh and there is nothing too hard for you!

Love,
your daughter
Julie

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Blessed Beyond Measure

Its been two weeks since I have had time to sit and list the abundance of blessings in my life. The list is long this week...for this I am thankful. For when I remember all the blessings....my fears and worries dissipate.

Gifts 171-205

*big puffy clouds that dance across a right blue sky
*the serenade of a sweet birds song
*the sound of water that reminds me of how His love washes over me
*happy fur babies that greet me at the door
*time spent with dear hubby
*planting a seed
*watching it grow
*chasing God
*nuggets of truth slipped into my day
*prayers whispered in the dark
*gift of creation-our glimpse of His handiwork
*nieces on their graduation day
*time spent with friends
*a chat with an old neighbor
*getting to know a new neighbor
*dephiniums in bloom
*a job well done
*bluebirds playing
*the smell of a cool spring evening
*sugar peas fresh from the garden
*the name of Jesus (just saying His name makes a bad day better)
*summer rain quenching dry soil
*longs talks late into the night
*stars shimmering
*blue hydrangeas
*the gift of time
*an opportunity
*silly giggles
*baby kitten finding a loving home
*safe travels
*words of life that finally stick in this forgetful mind
*beef kabobs grilled to perfection
*healthy family
*answered prayers

If you haven't listed your blessings lately...won't you consider starting? Join the community here.


holy experience



I pray that at the end of your day you will be found reflecting on all the good in your life.....

Blessings,

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Gypsy's and nudgings

I left work on Tuesday night the same way I always do…at the same time. However my venture home on this night took a slight turn and it still has me replaying it over and over in my mind.

I left work, caught up in my own head with the days events and worries that seem to cloud my already overly active mind. I made a right at the local Weis Market grocery store and that is when I saw her.

Gypsy girl.

She was walking towards the end of the median with a kitten in her arms and a cardboard sign that I could not read. She was dressed in a long flowing skirt and dreadlocks and looked like she just got back from Woodstock. No bags with her- just a kitten on a leash and a look in her eyes of sadness. She couldn’t have been more than 19. Immediately I wondered how she got here to where she was.

Did she not have a family who loved her and wanted her? Did she not see eye to eye with her family and decided that she could do better on her own? Did she think she had the world by the tail and now it was too late to turn back? Perhaps she fell in love with a boy who stole all her childhood dreams…maybe he used her then left her with nothing. Maybe she never heard of the One who knit her together in her mothers womb…or counts all the hairs on her head.

I was in the midst of traffic so I could not pull off to the side – I had to continue in the line of traffic up the hill. The light turned red and I watched her from my side mirror. A truck driver stopped at the light at the bottom of the hill….must have offered her some money…she ran over than ran back. All the while as I am watching this transpire I feel a gentle nudging that said:

“Go Back”.

My response was “But I have to turn left”

“Go back”

I made the left at the green light, traveled about a mile to my husbands place of business. After discussing what this was he told me to go back if I felt I needed to. Just see what the sign said and maybe give her a fresh bottle of water and a little bit of cash. I went back but I couldn’t find her…anywhere. I turned into the Weis parking lot scanning all the cubbyholes and places that one might use for shelter. I slowly drove around the entire building.

She was gone.

My heart sank. I had failed. Failed to react immediately to a nudging that could not be explained with “mans eyes”. And for the rest of the night I said silent prayers for that girl. That she would come to know the fullness of God’s love and find shelter in her storm of life.

I woke up on Wednesday and she was still on my mind. I searched for her as I drove to work keeping my eyes peeled for her. I am not sure what I was going to say or do if I found her but I searched anyway. Perhaps subconsciously I wanted to right my wrong of not following His prompting from the get go. I still don’t know what it was all about.

I got to work and then I heard the rest of the story…the flip side.

I settled in and got things caught up and then I called my best friend who sits just over the cubicle wall. I know she normally travels the same way home from work as I do so I asked her if she went right or left out of the parking lot that night.

She informed me that she turned left cause she had errands to run but had to turn around and go to Wal-Mart (which is right across the highway from Weis). Then she asked the question..

“Did you see the Gypsy’s?”

I froze.

“You mean there was more than one?”

She went on to tell me that when she pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot she noticed a school bus parked (hidden from view from the highway) stategically against the retaining wall. The bus was painted over to look like something from the 60’s with peace signs everywhere and it was filled with a ton of junk. She said there must have been 15 of them-mostly girls with two older men. All of them had either a dog or a cat with them. No doubt to tug on the heartstrings of animal lovers. The man “in charge” appeared to be a scruffy looking man in his late 50’s. Apparently the girls would go out to panhandle by themselves so not to draw attention to the group of them. My girlfriend said it reminded her of the people that followed the guy down in Waco Texas.

Right there my mouth dropped and my heart sank. Immediately I questioned whether the nudging I felt was from God or was I just being duped. I must admit a little bit of anger rose up in me as I saw this as just one more instance where people would rather beg and steal than to get an honest job and work for a living like the rest of humanity does.

Then I was reminded. BFF told me that even if I would have found the girl that I went back to find, whatever I would have done for her would have been done from a pure heart. A heart that longed to follow the leading of her Lord. Perhaps there was a reason why I didn’t find her. Perhaps it was a test to see if I really would go back. I don’t know.

What I do know is there is still a girl out there (and many more like her) that are thrown into things and places in this life that most of us have never seen or thought about. Deep down I am sure they have the same longings that we all do…to be loved and accepted. Sad part is many don’t know about the One man (the only Holy man) that they can run to.

It’s up to us to show them He’s different .

Would you please join me in prayer for these girls today?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Women of Faith Worship CD

Little old me had the pleasure of stopping by the Women of Faith blog the other week just as they posted this exciting opportunity!

Normally, I always come by these opportunities a little too late, so I really didn't think I would have the pleasure of being able to receive the cd or give everyone my honest thoughts on it. Last week when I opened the mailbox and saw a package from Women of Faith it didn't even dawn on me what it really was. I thought it was my confirmation packet for the conference that I will be going to in September in Philadelphia. (Oh and can I just say that this is my FIRST WOF conference and I AM SOOO EXCITED!!)

I know...you couldn't tell.

Well imagine my surprise when I opened it up and found the cd that I was sure I would never get! What a great surprise to brighten my day~! So, without further ado...here is my honest opinion on the Women of Faith Worship cd.

There are a total of 10 songs on the Women of Faith Worship cd that range from songs that make you want to get up and dance to songs that make you want to just sit alone and reflect of the goodness of God. Many of these songs I have heard before by other artists but I must say I do like their spin on them. I believe the original artists would be very pleased with the WOF version of the songs.

*Track 1- God of This City- a great song to start the cd with. I love this song because it reminds me that no matter what -there is NO ONE like our God. It starts out soft and builds with anticipation...by the end of the song you feel like you just want to stand with hands raised in praise and thank Him. .

*Track 2- I Am Free- This song is a great song to chase away those "frumpy feelings" that you just can't shake when you get out of bed. You know the ones that the deceiver tries to fill your head with..."I don't want to go to work" or " I can't do this". Listen to this song and it will chase those thoughts right out of your head and remind you that you are FREE indeed. In fact, I was on my way to work this morning shouting along to all the cars around me. I am sure some of those drivers thought I must be free on a day pass from the local loony bin.

*Track 3- Just Wanna Say- Honestly the first time I listened to this song I didn't really like it. I am not one who likes music that has a lot of horns (trumpets etc) and this song has that. However, after listening to it a few times it actually has grown on me. It actually is quite catchy and I find myself having the words "Said you'd never leave me, Said You won't forsake me" playing over and over in my mind. A great song to sing to remind yourself of the fact that He will never leave you or forsake you.

*Track 4- Lead Me To The Cross- This song speaks for itself with the following lyrics that make me want to sit a reflect on His goodness:
Lead me to the cross
Where your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord, I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Oh lead me, lead me to the cross

Enough said.


*Track 5- You Are God Alone- This is another song that leaves me very much reflecting on His goodness and love. This song starts out very soft and reverent and builds to the point of wanting to stand in awe by the end of the song.

*Track 6- Indescribable- I like the way this song feels very light and easy. Another one that makes you want to sing along and announce "You are amazing God!"

*Track 7- Glorious- This is probably the only song on the cd that I just can't seem to get into. Once again, this song has a lot of horns playing which just isn't my thing. But, if you like that type of jazzy music...you will probably love it.

*Track 8- Healer- If you have ever had the opportunity to hear the Kari Jobe version of this song you may think that this one misses the mark. Its hard to blow me away after hearing Kari's version but the WOF Worship team came really close to the mark here. A good version and a great reminder of how he is our Great Physician.

*Track 9- Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing- This is one hymn that I never tire of hearing. This is a great addition to this worship album.

*Track 10- Amazed- it is hard for me to pick an absolute favorite on this album but if I had to pick just one...it would be this track. I love how calming this song is to the soul. This song is a beautiful reminder of how in awe we should be at how much He loves us.

So, overall I love this album and would recommend it to anyone looking for some great songs to jam to whether in the car or at home cleaning the house. You might want to watch though, when singing along in the car...they just might revoke your day pass!

I do want to say in closing that I was asked to give my honest opinion of the cd whether it be good or bad...and that is what you see here.

May the rest of your week filled with the presence of Him!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I Am- Me

This morning I hopped on over the Melissa Taylor's blog. Yesterday she posted some run on sentences that she had her daughter Hayley fill out. Today she filled them out for herself. At the end she challenged readers to do the same thing. Phew- I am glad I did this...but I also glad I am done..LOL.

I am... a wife.

I wonder... why there is so much suffering in the world.

I hear....myself constantly fretting about the worse case scenarios.

I see...the beauty of Gods creation all around me.

I want.....inner peace that nothing can shake.

I am ....a worry wart.

I pretend....to be alright when I am really scared on the inside.

I feel....blessed.

I touch...the file cabinet in my cubicle and get shocked all the time!

I worry...about everything and anything.

I cry....over everything. Happy or sad.

I am....a mother to 2 dogs and 1 cat.

I understand...that my life is not my own and bottom line- its out of my hands and into His. This is still a struggle at times for me.

I say...."Zip It" all the time.

I dream.....of being able to live in the moment and not in the "what-if's"

I try...and may fail miserably...but then I will try again.

I hope...that my life is not a disappointment to those around me.

I am...still growing in the Lord and I know He loves me despite all my insecurities.

I am.....Julie

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Multitude Mondays

151. weekend getaways

152. natures shelter



153. movie night with my favorite man

154. mountain pies

155. campfires

156. a game of dutch blitz

157. a new addition to the garden



158. safe travels

159. home sweet home



160. a game of wiffle ball

161. the muscles that hurt the day after the wiffle ball game

162. new life



163. Cracker Barrel lunches

164. fresh berries

165. rain kissed roses



166. a reminder written in stone

167. fresh cut sunshine



168. Yahweh reminders

169. unexpected visitors on a lazy Sunday night

170. 2 Timothy 1:7



**this list is a continuation of the Gratitude Gifts list that Ann has going on over at Holy Experience. To learn more about it please click on the 1000 Gifts link on the right hand side of my page.

Monday, May 17, 2010

I'll Wait (Gideon Part 2)

(If you haven't read my first post on Gideon...check it out here.)

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have read over Judges Chapter 6 over the last two weeks. Way too many to mention. I suppose what has me hooked is how much of Gideon I see in me.

Gideon had a constant need for reassurance. Whatever he was being asked to do..He wanted to be sure he wasn't hearing things. It is easy to see how He was filled with doubt and insecurity.

After God tells him to go and save Israel (in the strength that is his) Gideon immediately begins to question and ask for signs. After God reassures him that He will be with Gideon through it all Gideon raised a question, that I have said many times before....

Gideon said, "If you are serious about this, do me a favor: Give me a sign to back up what you are telling me. Don't leave until I come back and bring you my gift."

I am sure that God would prefer that our faith would be unshakeable but here we see that he does not mind reassuring us we need it. Surprising enough...God doesn't look down at Gideon for asking for a sign or for questioning what the Lord is asking him to do...

He simply said "I'll wait til you get back."

Gideon prepared his offering to the Lord and then followed the Lords orders to save the Israelites. You would think that after an experience like this Gideons faith would be unshakeable, unmovable and out of this world. However, when you read further into Gideon's story we see that Gideon still required verification of whose voice he was listening to. As Gideon was called to go into battle he again asks the Lord for confirmation:

"If this is right, if you are using me to save Israel as you've said, then look: I'm placing a piece of wool on the threshing floor. If dew is on the fleece only, but the floor is dry, then I know that you will use me to save Israel, as you said."

Amazingly enough, when he got up in the morning he rung out the fleece that was wet with dew and it was enough to fill an entire bowl with water! Then Gideon did exactly what I have done time and time again....

"Ok, please don't be impatient with me but let me say one more thing. I want to try something else to confirm that you are speaking to me. This time let the fleece be completely dry while the dew drenches the ground."

Guess what? God made it happen.

As I look at this I wonder if Gideon was that insecure and unsure or did he really not want to do what he was called to do. Either way I see myself there, acting and reacting just like him.

It burdens me to know that I make the same excuses and I doubt the same things and the bottom line is.....at times I am being plain old rebellious.

However, God does not change he is as patient with us today as he was with Gideon. He lets us raise our questions and our doubts and you know what he does?

He waits until we get back.

Perhaps we should prepare our offering....

Unending gifts

Have you heard about multitude Mondays? No? Check out what its all about here and soon you will be addicted to finding joy in the everyday......


134. plants producing




135. weekend plans with family

136. camping with a great group of friends

137. date night with the hubby

138. verses that are shared between friends

139. a treasured furry friend that serenades me while I work



140. laughter is indeed the best medicine

141. prayers that are answered one way or another

142. giggling girls that brighten my Thursday evenings

143. a story that inspires

144. a hot cup of green jasmine tea (with honey of course!)

145. enjoying a quiet moment

146. flowers with sweet scents

147. Puppy love



148. a job to go to

149. the privilege of praying for a friend in need

150. sweet tea

Friday, May 14, 2010

Gideon

We meet under an oak tree one afternoon and I watch as he threshes wheat in winepress. He is hoping to redeem some of what is lost, to gather all He can before the Midianites come and take what little they had. I watch as an angel appears and greets Gideon in a tender voice.

“The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”

It seems that the Lord already knew something about Gideon that he didn’t recognize in himself.

Oh touché!

Gideons response is one that is familiar with me as of late. Question after question. The expression on his face was one of confusion and one that said, “Who? Me?”

“But Sir….if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all His wonders that our fathers told us about? Why has he abandoned us?”

From that moment, I was hooked. I needed to know more about the one who dared to ask the questions that I only dream of asking out loud, for fear of sounding like a hypocrite. He wasn’t afraid to ask the questions or seek for signs.

Long story short ….It turns out God calls Gideon to lead the Israelites against their oppressors. Gideon in return attempts to come up with every excuse in the book. (Hmmm..why does that sound familiar?)

"I am the weakest”

“I am the smallest”

“I am not sure your are really speaking to me.” (Oh yeah this is me!)

“I need a sign.” (Me too!)

He made all the excuses but in the end He still did what He was led to do.
How? Look at Judges 6:14-16

Seriously…I think I just uncovered my new favorite verse. Ok to my list of verses.
Read them slowly…let them sink in.

“Go in the strength that you have .” Then after He makes one of many excuses God follows it all up with “I will be with you.”

For the first time I see that God was not asking Him to give more than He had, He just wanted him to take what He already had and trust that God had the rest.

How many times a day do I push myself to do or be something that is out of my reach? Probably too many to count.

And its tiring.

So I think I will stop and work with what I have …..and leave the rest to Him.



More on Gideon to come!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Taking time to be grateful

111. a new flower bed completed
112. the feel of the wind on my face
113. the smell of the morning air
114. my mothers love
115. my fathers broken ankle (that could have been so much worse)
116. yearning for more of Him
117. a fresh load of laundry
118. an empty hamper
119. a smile shared
120. sweet sunsets
121. a blanket of rain that waters the soil
122. His truth that speaks louder than my fears or tears
123. the smell of lilacs and lavendar
124. snuggly dogs
125. lazy Sunday afternoons
126. chocolate/vanilla twist cones with sprinkles
127. an afternoon drive with no destination in mind
128. campfires on cool nights
129. bright red cardinals on purple wisteria
130. a hubby who loves me just as I am
131. rainbows after rain to remind us of a promise
132. long projects at work that are finally completed
133. birds that still sing their sweet song in the midst of the rain ( I could learn a lot from them!)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Mustard Seeds

Currently I am working through a devotional book titled "Birds in My Mustard Tree" by Susanne Scheppmann. I have had the book for quite sometime, tucked away on the bookshelf, waiting for me to finish all the other books and projects on my list. What initially intrigued me about this book was a challenge to grow my faith. Many days I feel I am no where near where I should be in my desire to become more like him and to be able to come into a deeper, closer relationship with Him. Other things seem to always get in the way. I wonder why I have a hard time trusting and giving things over to God. I wonder why I can't give all my fears, anxieties and worries over to him and leave them at His feet. I have recently come to the conclusion that I have an awful disease that prevents me from placing all my trust in Him.

Its called forgetfulness.

I forget all that He has already done for me. I forget all that He has walked me through. I forget that so far He hasn't disappointed. I forget that anything that life throws at me...I will be able to handle because of His promises to me to never leave me or forsake me.

Hebrews 11 gives a beautiful account of what I want my faith to resemble. Abraham's faith was incredible. Why? Well He didn't get there in one giant leap that is for sure. He took it step by step and God increased his faith just like he desires me to do.

One step at a time.

One step...

First, Abraham was called to go to a place where he had no idea he was going. he just went. Then, he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country...lived in tents and all the while he looked forward to the city with foundations , whose architect and builder is God.

and then another step....

Now imagine you and your spouse are way past your prime with no children of your own but God enabled you to increase your family while increasing your faith. This was Abraham and Sarah's story.

and yet another....

Then Abraham answering God's call to sacrifice His beloved Son, trusting that at just the right moment God would provide the perfect sacrifice instead. God didn't disappoint and a ram was provided for the sacrifice.

He didn't take a giant leap to the top of the staircase of faith. He took it step by step by step. Trusting in God, who had walked him through the trials in his past, all the while increasing Abrahams faith that was once as small as a tiny mustard seed. Each trial in his life provided food and water to that mustard seed to make it grow. God grew that faith one incident at a time...one step at a time.

Perhaps the reason I feel my mustard seed of faith is not growing is because I worry too much about what is to be instead of feeding my faith on what has been and how he carried me through. Maybe I should stop look around and see the gift in each day and thank God that I have him to shoulder my burdens. For where would I be right now....

Without hope...
Without my faith as small as it may be....
Without God's perfect sacrifice....
Without Him....???

I cannot even imagine and I thank God I don't have to. All I need is that one tiny seed and he promises to make it grow when I feed it with his word.

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." ~Matthew 17:20

Monday, April 19, 2010

Gratitude, Gratitude and more Gratitude

Well, its been a while again. Especially when it comes to my gratitude list. I get to wrapped up in doing and going and moving that I forget to stop and take in everything around me. Then when I do...I seem to forget to jot it down so that I can reflect on it at a later date. So, without further ado....

99. the sun peaking through the windows welcoming me to another day

100. Daddy's hands playing in the garden

101. answered prayers

102. a walk in the garden that reveals new growth

103. colors of purple that surround me....lilacs...red bud trees.....grape hyacinths

104. a flower bed free from weeds

105. time spent together making our house a home

106. realizing that you can do anything with 15 minutes (thanks FlyLady!)and not feel so overwhelmed!

107. Soccer games on Sunday afternoons

108. an unexpected price reduction when you check out at the register ($20 wreath for $2.50)

109. date night with the hubby

110. a song that lifts your heart and hands in praise


May you take some time to jot down some of the gifts in your life. Pointing out the small things really does make a difference.


<3

Monday, April 12, 2010

Prayers for Amy Beth

Almost two years ago I had the pleasure of running across a blog titled Ministry So Fabulous. The author of that blog (Amy Beth) had me from the get-go lets say. I love the way she writes...it feels as if I am sitting on a chair across from her.

I learned of her spunky bloggy personality as well as gut wrenching honest posts that many people would not have the guts to write.

I do not have the honor of knowing her in "real-life" however she is someone that I have grown to admire. She is a very giving person who would probably give someone the clothes off her back if they needed it. I do know that she is 25 years old and has done awesome things for young girls and their self-esteem.

I am sorry to say that Amy Beth is going through quite a trial right now...one that no young woman at the age of 25 should have to go through. If you would like to know more please hop over and hear more of her story here. One thing I do admire about her is she is so honest. She has her comments closed because right now she just doesn't want to hear all the advice and niceties and really who can blame her....

Tomorrow those who know her personally and those (like me) who know her only through bloggy land will take some time throughout the day to pray for Amy Beth...won't you join too?


Thank you....

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

New Again- Spring

The wind and rain pounded against the house all week last week. The windows were rattling, the roof shingles were flying and the rains came down. What was left of the snow had dissipated and the ground was soaked. For a week straight the sky had been gray and dreary casting shadows on my mood and my thoughts.

Then came Monday.

Then came spring.

The clouds blew over, the sky opened up and the sun shined brighter than I've seen in a long long time. The over abundance of water that was laying in the yard slowly receded as the earth took in every last drop. What has been dead and stunted has shown new life, new promise.

My Jesus gave that to me. New life...new promise. Each day with my Savior, comes with it, the gift of a fresh start....new life. It feels like spring....even in my heart. The storms of sin may beat against us but not for long.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

White as snow



The snow storm we had a few weeks back painted a beautiful picture as I looked out from inside my house. Blankets upon blankets of fresh snow covered my yard and neighborhood and before I knew it we had snow up to my butt. (Probably everyone elses knees but my butt.) Really I didn't mind it because it gave this gal a much needed reprieve from the normal every day work day. No one was forced to go in to the office so I burned a sick day and snuggled in and caught up on some much needed cleaning and landry.

I must say, that I absolutley love the change in seasons where I live. Old Man Winter may not be my favorite guy, but he does have his moments. Whenever that beautiful white fluffy stuff falls from the heavens a certain hymn runs through my mind:

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.


The winter snow that fell this day reminds me so much of the grace that falls freely for those who believe. It coats the ground with a fresh new layer and brightens the gray that tries to dim our days.


After the snow falls and is laying there for a few days,however,I begin to forget. I begin to overlook the beauty and I begin to see the dirt that forms from passing cars and salt trucks. And before you know it, its turned black.

I tend to compare my faith journey to that right now. I know I am saved and that his sacrifice has washed me white as snow. However, it doesn't take long for me to feel dirty and black. If I don't take the time each day to sit with Him I begin to focus so much more on what I am not rather than what I am with his love and grace.

When I fellowship with Him, it is then that scrape off those ugly layers of dirt that try to weigh me down and darken my days. Without Him I would have no hope and no light. Without him...I would be lost.





Sweet friends, may your day be spent embraced in the love and grace of our Heavenly Father.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Guilty as Charged

I woke up early to dive into His Word this morning. And the words I read pierced my heart:

The LORD said to Moses, "How long will these people (Julie) treat me with contempt? How long will they (Julie) refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them? -Numbers 14:11

I began to think on all the Lord had brought the Israelites through and yet they still refused to listen to him. I am not so different when I search the depths of my heart and soul. For He has brought me through many a bondage and trial and yet- I forget so easily. I still try to go my own way...to fix the problems of the world instead of laying them at His feet.

I am guilty.

Guilty of the fact that although I know I am saved by the blood of the Lamb I still try to pave my own way despite His leading. Guilty that even though I am not worthy of the grace that he has showered on me-the human in me acts at times that I am owed something more or something better. Guilty that I want to know him more, but I put everything else before Him.

I am guilty. Guilty of presumption.

Nevertheless, in their presumption they went up toward the high hill country, though neither Moses nor the ark of the LORD's covenant moved from the camp. Then the Amalekites and Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down and attacked them and beat them down all the way to Hormah. -Numbers 14:44-45

Even after they defied His instruction they still expected the blessing. Ouch.

In order for me to let go of the things that keep me from Him I must lay them down at His feet. I must get them out in the open...it is only then I will be able to surrender my all to Him and let Him do His work in me.

So Lord,

I lay it all at your feet today. Take my:

selfish ambitions
judgmental heart
my fears of the future
my fears of what other people may think of me
my seemingly endless need for more

Take it all, Lord. I trust you as you continue to work in me.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Armed and ready to go

The battle begins in the early morning hours. Before my physical body wakes to consciousness, the war is waging in my mind. As I wake, I am hit with thoughts and fears that threaten to pull me down.

"Ugh- morning already? I wish I could just stay home"

"I am so useless and lazy. Look at all the things I didn't get done yesterday"

"What if there is something really wrong with me?"

"Why bother trying lose this extra weight? I end up falling off the wagon anyway"

Its time. The lines have been drawn and I must stand firm. I have a choice. I can feed my fears and anxieties or I can let them go out of my mind as fast as they came in and replace them with Words of Life.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not unto your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you." 1 Peter 5:7.

I named this year the year of renewal. I have challenged myself to renew my thinking and my mind. Honestly.....its been harder than I thought. The more I try the harder it seems to be some days. I am pushing through because I am tired of holding onto the side of the pool...afraid to let go.

As you may have noticed (or not-lol) January and February were so dry for me (thus my lack of posts in bloggy land). I was soaking myself in His Word but I still felt dry...nothing clicked.

Then this morning the battle began. I stood firm and gave praise to God for the gift of a fresh new day. The verses I have been meditating on came flowing through to my defense. Today my joy will not be hindered by my fears. I pushed through- the clouds lifted and I heard a chorus of birds serenading me as I got out of bed. I smile because its so clear He was reminding me of those precious verses that water the soil of this womans soul.

Mark 10:29-31
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Lead Me to the Deep End, Lord

Fourth Grade. Two words that describe a time in my life that still sends shivers up my spine.

Fourth Grade- the grade that introduced me to my biggest fear in elementary school. Moving into this grade gave me great anxiety. Anxiety that could not be tamed with taking a deep breath and my parents prayers for me. The summer leading up to this grade was not a good one...anticipation is the worst. Just when I thought my nerves were going to do me in...the start of the school year came and with it a class that everyone in my class was forced to take.

Swimming class. Ugh.

It wasn't exactly the idea of swimming that scared me. It wasn't the water itself. I loved the shallow end. I could stand and do all the things that I was asked to do and learn. It was the thought of them making me go into the deep end of the pool that did me in. I feared what was underneath. When it came time for us to jump in the deep end and tread water I stood in line behind everyone else with my heart racing and my knees shaking. When it was my turn I broke into sobs and began to hypervenilate. Oh the humiliation....

This went on for quite a few weeks until the teacher, who was tired of my fears, decided to just throw me in the deep end as I screamed bloody murder. That was all it took...every night before this class I wouldn't sleep and by the time it was time to get up for school...I would make myself sick. My parents met with the teacher (who was very unsympathetic to my fears) and from then on the teacher made me walk laps around the pool the entire class for the rest of that semester.

I can look back on this now and laugh- for other things have come and gone in my life that far outweigh what that experience has taught me. Good news is that following summer my parents found a wonderful lady who taught me how to swim who took her time and helped me move past my fears.

Some things, however, do not change. I still prefer the shallow end.

Mark 4:2-6
He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: "Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.

Perhaps I like the shallow end because it is comfortable...its what I know. If I move to the deep end...I don't know what is under that water. What if I drown? What if I am taken out of my comfort zone and forced to tread water while He does His Work in me? What if I have to let go?

Perhaps its because when I venture to the deep end- I know I have to let go of the worries and troubles that weigh me down. Or else I will drown under the weight of them.

Mark 4:18-19
.Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful


Lord, I am tired of staying in the shallow water....take me deeper...make me fruitful. I trust you to be my life's preserver.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Today you celebrate the gift of 81 years. Thirty-seven of which I had the honor of being your daughter. You have taught me so many things that I know I will never be able to put them all into words but I have listed just a few.

You have never given up on me, even when I strayed from home. You opened your arms wide and welcomed me home when I needed to come back. You have prayed me through many sad and hard times and have held my hand through them all.

You have taught me that no matter how old I get or how long I study I will always be able to learn something from God’s Voice of Truth. I love how you love to study God’s word and how we can sit and talk about it. You have shown me that no matter what you are going through if we lean on God and his strength we can make it through anything.

You have taught me the value in laughter. By never taking ourselves too seriously, we can lighten our load and the load of others.

I have watched you as you watch your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nieces and nephews grow up. You have seen the good and the bad in them and have never given up praying for each and every one of them. You want only the best for all of them but know that they have to make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes. But you also know that anything is possible with God and so you never give up on any of them.

You have also taught me how beautiful marriage can be. You and mom have shown me how wonderful it is and can be to be tied to your true love for life. You have always treated mom with the utmost respect and love and you both have been a shining example of what it means to have a soul mate to walk through life with. Shannon and I thank you for that.

The Lord has truly blessed me beyond measure when he gave me parents like you and mother. He had to have known that no one else would be up for such a task. You have taught me that the most important things in this life have no price tag. The value of family and friends far surpasses anything else in this world. You have taught me never to compromise my faith in order to fit in or to get ahead. You have been a shining example of my Heavenly Fathers love and compassion for his children and for that I am and always will be forever grateful.

One last thing, I know that you have taught me. No matter how long we have on this earth…life is too short and it goes by too fast that a day should never go by without telling those around us that we love them. I love you and that is one thing that will never change.

So, as we celebrate your 81 years, please know that I am the one who received the best gift of all so many years ago.

Happy Birthday to the best daddy in the world…..

With Love always,

your little girl