Thursday, December 30, 2010

Endings and Beginnings

This morning I looked back on the post that I wrote last year at this time. I find it funny how some things never change...or at least don't change too much. Once thing is for certain things may seem like they don't change but time sure does go on. And just like last year...this year seems to have gone by as fast as I can blink my eyes.

Each year, dear Ann, challenges her readers to name the upcoming year. Last year, I jumped right in and decided that this year was to be my year of "Renewal". I feel hesitant to name this upcoming year because I feel like I have fallen short of the mark on last years challenge. For some reason I always tend to look at the "what I didn't do's" instead of the "what I did do's". I look back and I guess I feel that way because I envisioned myself at a better or different place than I am right now. Perhaps that is what God had in mind for me.

This year was not all a waste. Perhaps my definition of "Renewal" took on a slightly different meaning for me over the course of this year. I believe He purged me of some things in order to open my heart up to be renewed...just His way not mine.

I am an analyzer...and I find it hard sometimes to get out of my own head. Fear holds me back from doing a lot of things that it shouldn't. Then I start to feel guilty and I retreat. Fear holds me back from pushing through the doors and breaking barriers that hold me back from making change happen from the inside out.

I am 38 years old and all my life I have dealt with issues of anxiety and fear. I fear so much about the future that I don't know how to live in the present now. I worry about death...whether it be me or my loved ones. I worry about surrendering all to Him and being abandoned by those closest to me. I mean, really as a Christian I shouldn't really worry about that...should I?

I have been here before and I know that the only way to get through it is to push through it. I will and I know I will come out stronger. So here, at the end of 2010...I lay it down. I lay it down so I can empty myself of everything that holds me back. So in 2011 I can fill it with only Him. I know it will be a daily surrender, even surrendering minute by minute at times. 2011 is a new beginning as is each new day. New beginnings require "action" on my part.

So I will give this year and each day in it a new name, an action verb name.

I have chosen Fear-less. Not as something that I am (far from it) but something that I will do. I will Fear-less by trusting more in the one who created me.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you." 1 Peter 5:7

My prayer is that 2011 is one of Hope, Healing and Happiness for all of you!

Hugs,
Julie

7 comments:

Jennifer said...

Renewal is definitely HIS definition and now ours. It's interesting how we can think we've gone nowhere, but when we go back, we see a different view. May you Fear Less this upcoming year. :-)

Jennifer @ Getting Down With Jesus said...

Great word! God bless you in the coming year. Be not afraid! And even if you are a bit scared, ... jump anyway. :-)

Love you ...

mom2six said...

Oh the fears that hold us back. I too still wrestle fears. Praying with you that this year God will lead you to new leaves of freedom as you "Fear-less by trusting more in the one who created me."

Craig said...

First, I followed you from Ann’s

And you worry about worrying too – I do this as well. Glad to know I’m not alone.

And to “Fear-less by trusting more in the one who created me.” That sounds perfect.
My word is connecting, not just by clicking, or meeting, but by seeing better and knowing better.

I’ve just finished praying for your year of “fearing less” for God to be with you and help you to trust him more.

May God bless and you and all of yours

I am His Beloved said...

Julie,
(What a beautiful name!)
I read your words, your transparency, your struggles, your fear,your stepping out in faith..what beauty in brokenness you exude. Jesus is making beauty for ashes in your life sweet one. I relate deeply to your post today. Much love to you my beloved friend.
Julie (=

I am His Beloved said...

Julie,
(What a beautiful name!)
I read your words, your transparency, your struggles, your fear,your stepping out in faith..what beauty in brokenness you exude. Jesus is making beauty for ashes in your life sweet one. I relate deeply to your post today. Much love to you my beloved friend.
Julie (=

mom2six said...

Oh the fears that hold us back. I too still wrestle fears. Praying with you that this year God will lead you to new leaves of freedom as you "Fear-less by trusting more in the one who created me."