Thursday, March 31, 2011

David Days

Some days I feel like David crying out :

“O LORD, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?” ~ Psalm 13:1-2


It seems as if the last month has been filled with tragedy and sadness and it leaves me feeling so empty, so sad and I try to make sense of it all. How do we as the human race find peace in the midst of uncertain times? How do we as Christians answer those hard questions of how and why when there is an unbelieving world out there waiting to throw stones.

My heart bleeds out earlier this month. A mother watches as seven of her precious children are laid to rest all on the same day. Two are spared …a three year old little girl and one still in utero. Tears stream down my face as I struggle to make sense of it all. Do the words of David fall from this mothers lips too?

“O LORD, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?” ~ Psalm 13:1-2


Within days the earthquake rocks Japan and a tsunami follows. Thousands of people are hurt, lost and killed. The nuclear power plant melting down threatens to steal what is left. How does a nation recover from this? How do they not feel forgotten? Do the dark clouds of depression and oppression ever lift so they can see the light at the end of the tunnel? Do they cry out in the night? Or do they waist away silently?

“O LORD, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?” ~ Psalm 13:1-2


This is the hard eucharisteo that Ann writes about in her book One Thousand Gifts. How do we find beauty in the midst of ashes? How do we find joy when darkness swells all around? How do we talk and teach of a loving God when everything around us is falling apart? I read David’s words in the first two verses of Psalm 13 and I feel as if the words came from the depths of my soul. I read more …how does David resolve this anxiety that swells up within him? He searches for the answers that plague him…he goes right to the one who holds all the answers:

“Turn and answer me, O LORD my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.”~ Psalm 13:3-4


David was not afraid to work it out with God. He was not afraid to ask the hard questions that swallowed him up. Why am I? Perhaps, subconsciously, I feel like I have broader shoulders, that I can handle it more than He. Or maybe I just have a hard time letting go. Maybe I white knuckle my way through most things in this life because I am afraid of what it might cost me in the end. I know I don’t want to do it that way anymore. I know that I am slowly changing and He is so patient. I want to hash it out like David and ask the hard questions. I still may not find all the answers I am looking for… but I know I am coming to a deeper understanding of the one who knit me together. Whatever I give….God is able to handle …so why do I always forget that?

Finally, David does what I am learning to do. The hard eucharisteo:

“But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the LORD
because he is good to me.” ~Psalm 13:5-6


Regardless of the situations that threatened David, he took it to God and then he remembered how faithful God is and was. If nothing else I have been saved from death’s sting. For that alone…He deserves my praise and my gratitude. This is a hard thing for a grieving mother to swallow or a family torn apart from a natural disaster. My prayer is they look for something good in the everyday. The joy of seeing a community come together to help rebuild. The rejoicing of a survivor found after days left alone under the rubble. The outpouring of love and help to hold each other up when one is too weak to take another step. It is in these moments that God shows himself worthy and faithful. We just have to stop and search for Him in the midst of it all.

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