Awakening

While the start of the New Year is exciting for many people, for me it's just really scary. I spent most of the day Friday contemplating the year that has passed and realizing just how scary the upcoming year could be.

Right now...I know what 2010 has held. Both my parents and hubby's parents are still here with us and healthy. Knowing that my Dad is the last of a family of 7 children left looms over my head like a rain cloud on a day meant for a sunny summer picnic. Although I am ever reminded that none of us know for sure when our time will come. So, while I was a little depressed at the turn of the year..I am not without hope.

I have not made any resolutions for this year...none that are carved in stone. The only thing I want to be intentional about is making it a point to hide His word in my heart. I woke up yesterday, the first day of the New Year and I had turned to Isaiah 61. I was led to verse 3:

" and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor."

On Friday, when I felt distraut about what may lie ahead, I was not trusting in my Creator. I was taking the reigns thinking I could change whatever may happen in the future, by overthinking things in my head. I wanted to start Saturday different and so I did....

I put on my walking shoes and a garment of praise~this is the first song that came on my ipod as I took a walk in the fresh morning air:



Today I am excited to enter my year of learning to Fear-less because I feel my soul awakening!

Endings and Beginnings

This morning I looked back on the post that I wrote last year at this time. I find it funny how some things never change...or at least don't change too much. Once thing is for certain things may seem like they don't change but time sure does go on. And just like last year...this year seems to have gone by as fast as I can blink my eyes.

Each year, dear Ann, challenges her readers to name the upcoming year. Last year, I jumped right in and decided that this year was to be my year of "Renewal". I feel hesitant to name this upcoming year because I feel like I have fallen short of the mark on last years challenge. For some reason I always tend to look at the "what I didn't do's" instead of the "what I did do's". I look back and I guess I feel that way because I envisioned myself at a better or different place than I am right now. Perhaps that is what God had in mind for me.

This year was not all a waste. Perhaps my definition of "Renewal" took on a slightly different meaning for me over the course of this year. I believe He purged me of some things in order to open my heart up to be renewed...just His way not mine.

I am an analyzer...and I find it hard sometimes to get out of my own head. Fear holds me back from doing a lot of things that it shouldn't. Then I start to feel guilty and I retreat. Fear holds me back from pushing through the doors and breaking barriers that hold me back from making change happen from the inside out.

I am 38 years old and all my life I have dealt with issues of anxiety and fear. I fear so much about the future that I don't know how to live in the present now. I worry about death...whether it be me or my loved ones. I worry about surrendering all to Him and being abandoned by those closest to me. I mean, really as a Christian I shouldn't really worry about that...should I?

I have been here before and I know that the only way to get through it is to push through it. I will and I know I will come out stronger. So here, at the end of 2010...I lay it down. I lay it down so I can empty myself of everything that holds me back. So in 2011 I can fill it with only Him. I know it will be a daily surrender, even surrendering minute by minute at times. 2011 is a new beginning as is each new day. New beginnings require "action" on my part.

So I will give this year and each day in it a new name, an action verb name.

I have chosen Fear-less. Not as something that I am (far from it) but something that I will do. I will Fear-less by trusting more in the one who created me.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you." 1 Peter 5:7

My prayer is that 2011 is one of Hope, Healing and Happiness for all of you!

Hugs,
Julie

Its Beginning to Look alot Like Christmas!

Its so hard to believe that Christmas is only about 3 weeks away! Time has a way of slipping past me these last few weeks. Getting ready for some craft shows has completely wiped me out and taken most of my time for the last month. God continues to be good, regardless....

So much has happened since I last wrote here. So much has changed, maybe for the good and maybe for the bad. But I continue to count blessings:

::lazy evenings after work is done
::the real meaning of the season
::lights that make everything better



::good friends
::a step back in time




::words that nurture a tired soul
::a card to let us know we are loved
::reconnecting with loved ones
::our Savior coming soon

Blessings,

Julie

Yahweh, a Cross & A Dove

I run out the door and jump into my car this morning. It always seems I am running behind. Morning comes too quick some days and I find it hard to get out of bed and start the day. I start the day by pushing the “ugh’s” and the “I don’t wanna’s” out of my mind so that I can get my body motivated. Its Wednesday.

Another day. Another dollar.

I feel rushed as usual…I will most certainly be late if I don’t hit the lights through town just right.

I pull out of the driveway and my mind immediately tries to overcome my thoughts with a mental to do list. The panic tries to rush in. I take a deep breath. The change in season, for some reason, always seems to send me back to a few years ago. A time in my life when I did not want to leave the house at all...grocery stores made me hyperventilate if I had to wait in line…and driving…well I won’t even go there. I have dealt with anxiety and panic attacks for most of my life. Up until about 8 years ago…they controlled me. Then I figured out…I could control them. It’s not always easy but I have learned to manage them. So, as my fears and worries tried to creep in on me this morning I did the one thing that I know chases them away. I take a deep breath and I say out loud:

“But David found strength in the Lord…and so do I !” (1 Samuel 30:6b)(my addition)

I grab my Ipod and turn on my current favorite song “Bless the Lord”. I sing out at the top of my lungs and I feel better. Letting the worries out and filling that space with His praises. Before I know it I am pulling off the highway and down the road to the office where I spend my days. I look up as I am singing and I can’t believe whats in front of me.



A reminder of the cross, a reminder that Yahweh died on that cross, and a reminder of the peace it brings to me because of the sacrifice He made. Can you see them?

I stop to take it in and capture a picture. A reminder that I can look at throughout the day to keep the worries at bay. Sure, I was a few minutes late but …it was soo worth it!

“I will worship you, I will Bless your name forever!
I will worship you…Bless the Lord, O my Soul, BLESS THE LORD!”


**My friend Jennifer over at Getting Down with Jesus talks much about finding Yahweh and God reminders in the everyday. She is such an encouragement…so stop over and be blessed. Then go out and find some of your own!

Savor the Autumn

Evening comes early lately and I feel like my internal clock is beckoning me to slow down and savor every moment of this autumn love. To store it up for those winter months that are cold and chilly. Savor nights by the campfire soaking in the warmth, while inhaling the crisp air around me. Watching the sun set across the field out back and wondering how much more beautiful heaven will be. Perhaps he offers this free preview to keep my eyes on Him. Just a smidge of heaven on earth, right here, right now meeting me in my own back yard.

Its funny how these changes in the seasons can bring about a soul change. A stirring under the surface. The ripples that come from me stepping forward into an abyss that I fully don't understand. The ripples of change surround me and I find myself feeling a little twisted on the inside. Missing the routine and what used to be, I stand still. I want to go back. Knowing in my heart that that is not where He wants me right now. He bids me to wait. He asks me to trust, and so I will savor this Autumn...on the outside and the inside.

Happy Birthday, Dear Hubby

Tomorrow (Saturday Oct 16th) my miracle man turns 40!

I thank God everyday for you. And I can't wait to see where He takes us in the next 40 years!

I love you! Even when you look like the ocean spray cranberry ninja fruit guy!

Sometimes words......

don't come easy.....



and that is when God provides



the perfect opportunity



to be still



and reflect on his goodness.....