Monday, March 1, 2010

Lead Me to the Deep End, Lord

Fourth Grade. Two words that describe a time in my life that still sends shivers up my spine.

Fourth Grade- the grade that introduced me to my biggest fear in elementary school. Moving into this grade gave me great anxiety. Anxiety that could not be tamed with taking a deep breath and my parents prayers for me. The summer leading up to this grade was not a good one...anticipation is the worst. Just when I thought my nerves were going to do me in...the start of the school year came and with it a class that everyone in my class was forced to take.

Swimming class. Ugh.

It wasn't exactly the idea of swimming that scared me. It wasn't the water itself. I loved the shallow end. I could stand and do all the things that I was asked to do and learn. It was the thought of them making me go into the deep end of the pool that did me in. I feared what was underneath. When it came time for us to jump in the deep end and tread water I stood in line behind everyone else with my heart racing and my knees shaking. When it was my turn I broke into sobs and began to hypervenilate. Oh the humiliation....

This went on for quite a few weeks until the teacher, who was tired of my fears, decided to just throw me in the deep end as I screamed bloody murder. That was all it took...every night before this class I wouldn't sleep and by the time it was time to get up for school...I would make myself sick. My parents met with the teacher (who was very unsympathetic to my fears) and from then on the teacher made me walk laps around the pool the entire class for the rest of that semester.

I can look back on this now and laugh- for other things have come and gone in my life that far outweigh what that experience has taught me. Good news is that following summer my parents found a wonderful lady who taught me how to swim who took her time and helped me move past my fears.

Some things, however, do not change. I still prefer the shallow end.

Mark 4:2-6
He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: "Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.

Perhaps I like the shallow end because it is comfortable...its what I know. If I move to the deep end...I don't know what is under that water. What if I drown? What if I am taken out of my comfort zone and forced to tread water while He does His Work in me? What if I have to let go?

Perhaps its because when I venture to the deep end- I know I have to let go of the worries and troubles that weigh me down. Or else I will drown under the weight of them.

Mark 4:18-19
.Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful


Lord, I am tired of staying in the shallow water....take me deeper...make me fruitful. I trust you to be my life's preserver.

6 comments:

Lyla Lindquist said...

OHFORCRYINGOUTLOUD! She threw you in the pool?

I don't know even know what to say to that.

You add a new -- but very real -- dimension to the parable of the soils with the deep and shallow ends of the pool, Julie. Being good soil, letting roots grow deep, churns up a whole lot of unknown, uncertain, sometimes unpleasant stuff.

Praying for you as you put on the floaties and swim into the deeper water. It's something we can all use a little more of. I so appreciate -- as always -- your brave vulnerability with this post.

Elizabeth said...

What Lyla didn't mention is all the conversations we've been having lately that stem from this parable. (Hmm...stem...no pun intended.) Your post fits right in. I've been evaluating my life to see if I'm good soil or not. I probably lean more toward the thorny.

P.S. I used to love the pool as a kid. I have since developed a strong and irrational fear to deep water. Things that live there freak me out - whales, darkness, pool drains...

Lyla Lindquist said...

Whales?

Jennifer said...

Threw you in!?! I would have worn floaties to class after that. I'm with Elizabeth--fear of what's out there. I went snorkeling in Hawaii several years ago and had to choke back (literally choke) fear of what could be hiding in the reef--eels, things that would shoot out and bite me. But then I got to the edge and it plunged into nothingness, and then I felt real fear of what could be in the depths.

I'm with you on fearing the depths, but more than that, I want to be fruitful.

Jennifer said...

Threw you in!?! I would have worn floaties to class after that. I'm with Elizabeth--fear of what's out there. I went snorkeling in Hawaii several years ago and had to choke back (literally choke) fear of what could be hiding in the reef--eels, things that would shoot out and bite me. But then I got to the edge and it plunged into nothingness, and then I felt real fear of what could be in the depths.

I'm with you on fearing the depths, but more than that, I want to be fruitful.

Elizabeth said...

What Lyla didn't mention is all the conversations we've been having lately that stem from this parable. (Hmm...stem...no pun intended.) Your post fits right in. I've been evaluating my life to see if I'm good soil or not. I probably lean more toward the thorny.

P.S. I used to love the pool as a kid. I have since developed a strong and irrational fear to deep water. Things that live there freak me out - whales, darkness, pool drains...